Ask Lemmy

They want me to get up at 5:45. If I refuse, they go on a 45-minute snooze cycle, twice, before giving up and letting me sleep in.

Cat 1 is a reincarnation of an ancient god of chilling and relaxation. He will sleep on whatever place you want to sit. Your nice garden chair? Cat. Desk chair? Cat. Bed? Cat. He's a little burglar that will break into the neighborhoods houses and sleep on their stuff as well. Doesn't matter if they already own cats themselves.

Cat 2 loves scratches and cuddles but will always stand juuuust out of reach, rubbing herself and rolling on the floor. If you move closer, she'll move further away. She's also a cryptid and only able to be photographed like a blurry bigfoot so I can't show anyone how cute she is with her little white mittens.

My sweet fluffmuffin is adorable in all ways, incredibly sweet, well behaved, BUT BARFS SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK. We've seen multiple vets, tried all of the foods, adjusted her eating situation to sit higher so she doesn't crane her neck and is only allowed so much food at a time, but she doesn't seem to realize she can take breaths between bites and we've had to barf-proof our home

white cups get pushed onto the floor.

Melon pees in the bath, Snuggles licks plastic bags, and Franny has chronic snot rockets. I love them all endlessly.

One of my cats will come and yell at me to demand food. He will sit next to me while I am working and meow constantly, in the saddest most pathetic way possible. Eventually I will get up and come downstairs with him, we go into the kitchen where his food bowl is. The food bowl has loads of food in it, he hasn't checked, he's just assumed that there won't be any, and has come to complain.

He does this all the time.

My cat is a fluffy bastard. He likes to lay in dirt with debris of sorts. Pollen, seeds, twigs, flowers, bits of loose moss.... the leftover stuff after spring. And so he and his fluffy coat come in and leave a trail of the stuff wherever he goes. I spent time brushing it out, only for him to gather it up again the followibg day. He is a walking swiffer.

My cat would occasionally scratch her left hear so hard that it would bleed then shake her head and spray blood all over the place.

Old story, may not qualify. Something like 30ish years ago when I was but a young lad, I had some stuffed animals on a shelf that my dad had won from the claw machine on bowling nights. That takes dedication right there. Anyway one was a small, slightly fuzzy brown dog.

The cat decided to "this is mine now" with it and her preferred hiding place was under the parents' bed. My mother world constantly find it when cleaning, give it back, and tell me to put it away. Cat came back and took it again. Every. Single. Time.

Eventually I just gave up and let her keep it. My mom had to restitch the neck several times because that's where cats grab kittens when carrying them around.

• Wakes me up some time between 2:00 and 5:00
• Goes under/behind the heavy furniture to throw up (or else, on my bed)
• Doesn't eat her food, but cries for more food

My cats won't stop playing in the dirt...

We have a rabbit and a cat. The cat has been with us longer. Whenever I’m petting the rabbit, the cat comes up and wants to be pet too. And only with the hand I’m already petting the rabbit with. If I try to use my free hand, he’ll ignore it and head bump the hand petting the rabbit.

Two cats, both have their own annoying thing. Black short hair bob tail: will get into any and all food if left out. Has learned to open cabinets and cupboard to get to hidden food. Has chewed through a cardboard box to chew through the bag of dog food, found him neck deep in the bag crunching away. Has chewed a hole in a canvas bag to get to dog food. Oh, and recently started peeing in the laundry. Long haired colorful: gets bored and wants to go outside, will wander the house screaming at the top of his lungs, clawing at every door. Happens anywhere between midnight and 3am, almost every night. Will bolt for the door if you have it open and aren't watching for him. Where does he want to go? Rolls on his back in the road.

He has claimed the bathroom sink as his bed. While this is very convenient for petting the cat while using the toilet, he tends to sleep in the morning and evening which is also the most likely times I want to brush my teeth.

Fortunately, the kitchen sink is just around the corner, so it is not necessary to disturb the adorably sink-napping cat.

Stands directly behind me, yowling. Keeps it up until I pick him up and cuddle him. Does this only when I'm cooking.

My cat will pick up socks from the dirty sock basket and carry them around in his mouth while yowling. Often this occurs right before he goes to hump something. No idea what the fuck he's doing, but he leaves the socks everywhere.

Mostly refuses to drink water anywhere but from the bathroom sink. Refuses to eat any food that's been in the food bowl for more than half a hour or so. Pees on my bathroom rug if I leave it on the floor when she's around...

Cats are fucking assholes, let me tell you.

The part where they both died 10 years ago....

Beg for food, and then not eating it, letting it go to waste.

We have an auto feeder for their dry food that has a removable metal bowl beneath the spout. When the metal dish is in place, all the kibble pours out into the bowl. When the cats think the food is overdue, they will tap the metal bowl out of the way to get attention or wake the machine up or whatever cat reason...and the kibble bounces off the hard flat plastic surface and half of it spills onto the floor where the dog will gobble it up.

Sometimes I put the bowl back in place and sometimes I wait and see if they'll learn the lesson on their own.

One wants to be petted 25h/day. That would be fine but there's a catch: it must be in a specific corner of the house. So she asks me to be petted, then as I move my hand to pet her she runs to that corner, and the cycle repeats until I go there.

The other likes to sleep inside a blanket folded as it was a pocket. She undoes the "pocket" every time that she wakes up, and when she's back I need to refold it, lift one of the sides of the blanket, wait for her milk dance, gently tap her butt as if saying "go, go", then she gets in.

My sphynx likes the temperature higher than the humans, so every time the AC comes on, he meows in protest.

She loves to “clean” and nuzzle my beard usually first thing in the morning and before bed for a couple minutes, it’s annoying but I let it slide because it seems to make her really happy, I think maybe it’s a cat family bonding behavior 🤷‍♂️

I tried to curb it initially because she eventually bites and tugs out some hairs which hurts like hell

🤣 at least got her to mostly stop the actual beard hair pulling

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Second place: most nights at some point she decides to sleep on my back, which is only mildly bothersome, but she always makes back muffins first which isn’t particularly pleasant

He can open every door so I have to lock my front door all the time.

Puking exclusively on the carpets

I had a cat that used to yank all the books off the bottom of the bookshelves, not because he wanted to sit there, just because.

He also used to bang the bottom kitchen cupboards over and over again with his paw just because.

He hated whistling. If you whistled, he would scream at you to stop, and if you didn't, he would bite your face.

My cat loves to be a bongo, there is nothing in the world he loves so much as to have his bum bomped. So rather than lie in my lap or rub his cheek against my hand when he wants attention, he sticks his butt in my face instead. If my face is inaccessible, he makes sure his butt is by my hand or arm so he's constantly in the way if I'm on the computer or working with my hands. If he's near me his butt is pointed towards me. He's a handsome boy so it'd be nice to see the other side of him sometimes.

5am face snuffle. Basically trying to wake me up to feed him.

Existing in a quantum superposition of living and dead states.

She sometimes steals a hair tie from my room, brings it to me, and screams until I take it. It's usually mangled, soaked in spit, and not something I'd want to use, but she's got the spirit if not the brain cells.

She's half-orange, which I thought would make her half as stupid, but she's full stupid half the time instead.