Ask Lemmy

From a Hispanic perspective, it's normal to live with parents until late twenties. However, as an American I can tell you it's weird past 25ish. There is a higher likelihood you won't have normal adult interactions and experiences of you live with your parents.

There's no need to ever move out from your parents if the living situation is positive for all of you. I truly believe that the pressure to be "independent" is a coordinated strategy to keep people separate so everyone has to buy their own set of everything. It maximizes profit for big corporations and landlords.

Children will be living with their parents for longer and longer, remember, with the reduced buying power that young adults have this generation compared to the last (a statement true for a few generations now but entirely noticeable now).

So don't sweat it. The best thing parents can do to prepare kids for success is to keep them at home and not paying (full) rent for as long as possible.

To compound the issue, hormones at this stage will reduce the young adults' coping ability, as we're evolved to go on our own and "grow the species" aggressively at this point. It will make staying at home and getting that financial leg-up that much harder. To succeed, the child needs to be very adult about this and understand it's primarily hormones; and needs to explain this to the parents who may not know. 30 years later and I'm just figuring it out!

Good luck. Get on actually good footing before you launch.

If you can bear your parents, don't move out. Would you bet that half of your coworkers live with their parents?

"Moving out" in an idealised event that just does not make sense anymore today.

At whatever age you can finally afford it. Which is never. Get that home inherented. It's your only hope.

I recently moved out after 1 year as NEET. I worked and payed rent to my father (nothing much).

I know lots of people who live in multi generational house - usually divided in few units.

My parents took it little bit like a shock - I told them that about week before I moved out and my brother moved at the same time and told them at the same time.

My parents set up our house to be multi generational and knew well that only hope for us to get home is to wait for our grandparents to die (I know but it is what it is).

If I and my brother didn't get work that far away we would live with them now. So I think it isn't bad thing to live with your parents.

Don't know about any specific age, but if you ever intend to move in with someone other than your family, it's a very good idea to have tried living alone first.

Yes, incompetency and responsibility are issues. There's a lot of stuff to be done in a house/home. Since you already live with someone, there's a high chance that they're doing something that you either don't know about, or don't know how to, because they're the ones doing it. Living alone will inevitably teach you how to do everything and also let you experiment with how you want it done.

In that process you'll also learn that there are probably things that your family does differently from what you want. Perhaps they have arguments over stupid stuff, or they are happy living in more mess than you prefer, or they wash all the clothes on the wrong temperature (horrible, I know). As stupid as it might be, small stuff like that is important if you want to live with someone else.

You know how some motivational memes say "if you can't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you". Same thing applies to living with others: "If you can't live by yourself, how can you expect to live there with someone else?"

Financially it doesn't make sense at all, but in my opinion, living alone is a necessary thing to do before committing to living with a partner. At least for two years or so, and the twenties are usually a good time to do so, because you have fewer obligations and your family can still help you out if everything fails.

If you get along and love them, and you pitch in with a modest rent and chores and cooking, honestly I think we should live longer with our parents.

There is a heartbreaking statistic that is something like when you move out of your parents house you will have spent like 90% of the time you will ever spend with them (or some other very high number).

I lived with my parents until 30 and now moved to another country to study, but sometimes feel very sad that I don't live with them anymore. So much so that when I am done with my education I will move back CLOSE to where they live, and probably overnight frequently if it makes sense.

All of this probably changes if you settle down and start a family, of course.

As a Gen X , I could not escape my Boomer parents home fast enough. But The younger generations get better and better and if my son needed to move home we would both be very cool with it. Who care what everyone else says and does, you do you and choose happiness bud.

NEET? Are you talking about the Indian testing thing? I only found out about that as I Googled neet...

Anyway, here in Sweden we are famous for moving out early and living alone, it usually happens around the time you go to university as you tend to move into a dorm and move straight into your own apartment after completing your studies.

I moved out in my mid 20s, amid depression and a terrible work schedule.

I'd say that if you are still living with your parents in your 30s here it is considered a bit strange...

The age at which you are no longer living with them, they are living with you.

The idea of being "too old to live with parents" is a pretty recent phenomenon.

Multi-generational households were the standard for centuries. There's a benefit, I think, for having parents, grandparents, and children in the house.

The children have the opportunity to learn from the grandparents.

The grandparents have the opportunity to help the parents by caring for the children.

The parents have the opportunity to assist the grandparents.

That being said, you couldn't PAY me to live with my mother. ;)

This changes a lot from place to place. So take into account that what I'm going to say comes from someone in Latin America.

I think that "moving out" boils down to three questions:

• Do you fight often with your parents?
• Are you being leeched, or a leech yourself?
• Does it prevent you from doing what you want to do?

If the answer for all those three things is a clear "no", then there's no reason to move out.

Freedom is not a theoretical matter, but a practical one; it's not being prevented from doing what you want. In certain cases you might be less free by moving out.

American values clashing with common sense.

Is that how some people are still voting for Trump?

In Germany it's expected to move out after high school, I was 19 myself and so where all of my peers save for two who went to university in our home town. They both moved out about a year later as well though.

In Greece it’s common for children to stay with their parents past 30. Your conflict is a cultural one.

My advice is to not worry about it and not feel ashamed. There are plenty of reasons to live with one’s parents, especially these days with the high cost of living. I’m sure your peers understand this.

In fact, the money you save on living expenses can potentially be used to buy yourself a home in the future, instead of perpetually paying rent like the rest of us.

Your family must not be my family. I could be in the exact same situation, but I'm choosing to barely make rent each month on a 1br.

It is very expensive, but if I lived at home, I could not have sex, and having a partner over for non-sex reasons would be...very weird.

Plus, my family doesn't allow me to cook anything in oil because of the smells. Boiling, baking, and grilling only.

So...yeah. I like having a partner. And having some nookie. Plus, the space is nice.

It's worth noting that the stigma is very much a cultural thing. There are cultures where it's very normal for the kids to stay with the parents, even after they get married, with multiple generations under one roof.

You should 100% do what makes you and your family happy. If things change, you can make changes.

I think just do what feels good to you. As long as you're contributing to bills, cooking some meals and doing your own laundry etc you're not stunting yourself by being there.

my high school friend and her well-paid techie brother still live with their parents and love it since their social circle is now their parents friends. as someone who doesnt really get along with my family too well, im honestly kinda jealous, even though stereotypically Id be the one to be envied with my own place and partner.

Pay them some rent.

When you do finally move out you'll need to be used to putting that out. If your relationship with them is as good as you say it is they might tuck it away for you.

According to Mass Effect Asari are considered adults by around a 100 years. So 100.

There’s a point for some people where you live with your parents because they can’t really take care of themselves, you don’t have kids and are free to move… uh, speaking from personal experience. My dad is losing it and my mom is close to that, and I just ended a relationship recently so it makes sense I’d live with them and help them in the interim. It’s not exactly a new relationship magnet though.

As far as your situation, you’ll know when the time is right to move out imo. The standards of “move out and have your own house at 18” is outdated due to realistic modern economics. It would be when you meet someone and want to move in with them and taking them to your parents would seems absurd. You’re educated, you have a job, you’re expressive, you’re doing fine.

There's a difference between being unable to move out and simply liking to live with your family. If you like living with them, I don't see why you should move out until you find your own long-term romantic partner and need more privacy. I know there's an expectation in the USA that adults won't have a lot of contact with their parents, but I think that's sad. I don't currently live with my family for practical reasons but I live near them and visit them every weekend. My life is richer because of this.

I had to move back in with my parents in my late 20s, when the 2012 recession hit. I told people I was saving up for a down-payment, which is partially true. Other half of that was, it just wasn't possible for me to get a house and I was tired of apartment living.

If you're embarrassed, you can tell people you're "taking care" of your dad, so he lives with you.

Don't bother comparing yourself to the older generations. They've spent years pulling up the ladder behind them, so it's just not the same cheap, prosperous world that it used to be. Single income homes just don't exist anymore, and most people your age will recognize that.

Edit: Fixed autocorrect

Stay. Talk to your dad about this, but if he wants you around, and you're happy there, then you should definitely stay.

I say this as a parent. If you have a good relationship, and everyone likes the situation, then treasure it. Enjoy the time you have together.

And save the cash. If your folks want, make sure to cover some expenses and help out.

Your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until ~25. I wish someone had told me that one. I moved out too soon and struggled a lot. Use the opportunity to put back as much money as possible beforehand, and start collecting the little things like kitchen utensils and some basic furniture. Having to buy all that stuff or live in an empty place sucks. It is also super lonely by yourself.

You absolutely should have moved out by 90 but it's fine if you've 90 and moved out previously but decided to move back in.

I think it's dumb that society stigmatizes living with your parents at all. It's a great way to strengthen family ties, saves money, and you can keep an eye on older generations.

My family is psycho, so I moved as far as possible, but I envy people that can take advantage of those benefits.

I've known people who got married while living in their parents home. They stayed and raised kids. And took care of their parents in those shitty end years. They don't believe they did the wrong thing. I moved out at 17 and did not move back for decades until now that my elderly mother needs help. It's been nice, and I think that I missed a lot just being away from family for so long. I also know that I was an asshole back then and if I had stayed it wouldn't have been good at all.

If you're cool with it, and your parents are cool with it, what's the problem? Especially these days with the ridiculous rental rates. It just makes no sense.

If you're living a home and not paying rent you better be saving up for a down payment on a house.

But to answer your question, I moved out when I was 25 and I felt that was a little old to still be at home. But it will depend a lot on individual circumstances.

I don't think it's bad. It's only bad if you want to leave and can't.

Let's say I was a huge successful billionaire: I'd still live with my parents because I'd just get a single big house my whole family could live in together. Though it could be worded as they live with me and not that I live with them; technically both would be accurate.

I only feel like a failure because I want to be independent but it's too expensive to live on my own. Rather live together with family than total strangers because I could move out and have roommates, but why?