Ask Lemmy

Having reached my 40s, I’ve kind of given up on this sadly. With my work schedule and what it takes out of me, I’ve realized that I’m not that great of a friend anyhow. I can be flaky honestly. But there’s a hole inside of me that I’ve always wanted to fill with a friend, a real connection beyond typical friendship. I’m leaving that hole open but I’ve learned to avoid looking at it. Hope you find your friend.

Facebook Dating has ironically been miles beyond other sites imo. It's completely free and the algorithm works very well. There's also a section for finding friends if dates aren't your thing.

How do you find people who are interested in long-term relationships online?

In my experience, this is rare. Most people who meet others online started as friends with some common interest. I met my wife like this. It was never with the intention of a long term relationship, we were just friends online. We knew each other as friends for 2 years before getting together.

I would recommend DnD (or other games) as others have suggested too.

Also this is kind of random and I have no idea if it is a good idea, but maybe try https://duolicious.app/ - I saw it randomly the other day and your post reminded me of it.

Find a game and join a clan! Doesn't matter the type of game either. I've made lots of friends who all play Beat Saber. We get together (online) to play for a few hours every Sunday.

We have a blast discussing the endless statistics of BeatLeader, share jokes/memes, etc on Discord all day every day (haha). It's a lot of fun.

Engage in spaces and areas where there will be other people with similar interests. That may be a fan club for a hobby you love, a game with multiplayer elements, etc.

At this point in my life, almost all of my friends have come from TTRPGs I've joined online. I even moved across the country to be nearer to the core group that I was friends with.

There's something to be said about experiencing (fantasy) hardships that show you true colors of people without having to get into really messy emotional things irl.

Or I'm just lucky.

You can meet a partner in league of legends. Your match history and most played champions are like a free personality test that both of you and the rest of the world have access to.

You’ll be sleeping with one eye open for the rest of your life though.

Lots of my long-term friendships started with open-source projects. If that's your kind of thing, it's worth looking into. Either way it usually all boils down to a common hobby.

Would the partner remain strictly online too?

MMOs maybe. I've met some cool people this way

https://www.interpals.net/

Every person's view is different, and there's no sure-fire way to make a friendship happen. Anyone who tells you there is, is either lying or has a lot of power or money that attracts "yes men". Other genders are available.

So, as with anyone else's experience, my advice is purely anecdotal - and it's basically "don't be a dick".

That's an incredibly reductive soundbite, but in short, I try and be decent to other people and encourage people to be cool with me. No ego, no perceived power dynamic, just chill - for the duration of whatever we're doing. It could be playing online, a videoconference for work, an academic meeting, and project team - whatever. As another poster said, the vast majority of time I don't go into interactions looking to come out with a new best friend or a new romantic partner - partly because the former makes you come across as insincere, and mainly because my partner would have something to say about the latter.

Of a hundred interactions or meetings or encounters maybe one will start firing on all cylinders from the get-go, and you'll find that you share loads in common, they've got a similar sense of humour, or even you may be mutually attracted to them from their video feeds - whatever. For the most part, I'm sad to see people I've met leave at the end of a project, an academic grouping, or a game sesh - but I didn't click with them enough to actively want to see them again.

That one-in-a-hundred may develop into a "hey, I play this other game/with another group" or "man you know your shit, we should stay in touch" or "jeez I could learn a lot from you, fancy swapping details?" - and it may well be that you've read it all wrong and they think you're a bellend. It is what it is, it's their call and it takes two to tango.

If the planets align though, you'll get a good friend, a romantic partner, a decent teammate or a brilliant colleague that lasts for years.

In short, if you're pretty sound and go in with the best of intentions, giving everyone* the time of day, then you'll at the very least make the best of whatever situation you're thrown in (voluntary or otherwise), and at best you'll find someone equally awesome and it'll run from there.

Either way, good luck. I hope you find someone to play with/enjoy their company/chat shit to soon.

*does not include obvious cockwombles of course. The definition of which is left as an exercise for the reader.

Memes and shit posting is how most of my online friends say together.

This isn't so easy although it does happen. Most people aren't meant to be in your life long-term IMHO and this typically isn't the expectation that others will have when talking to randoms online. I met my wife on a porn site, although I wouldn't recommend attempting to execute such a strategy for example. I recommend online activities that encourage interacting with a small group ofpeople on a consistent basis, such as a DND group, rolepaying, or perhaps writing short stories where you get the chance to know each other better while enjoying an activity that already makes you happy if you can find one.

Guilds in MMOs