this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025

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Is there a term for someone who is ok with the rest of their body, but wishes they had the other genitals? (slrpnk.net)

submitted 11 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I'm afab and if the surgery was possible for turning what I have into a fully functioning dick, I would have done it by now.

Basically I'm comfortable with my perceived gender, I just wish how I see myself mentally when I think about sex, matched up to what I've got in my pants. I've felt this way since I was a young teenager too, so it's not a phase or a fetish, it's how I've wanted to present sexually for most of my life.

Does this disconnect I'm talking about just fall under the non-binary trans umbrella? Or is it a seperate thing?

Are there any other people here who feel this way?

(Phalloplasty does not appeal to me. The surgery is brutal, it doesn't look right (to me) when it heals, it isn't functional how I would want it to be, and it isn't sensitive like a dick.)

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

I'm afab, but identify as agender. I have gone through many of the thoughts you've written here, especially if I'm even allowed to call myself trans when it's not exactly feasible for me to get bottom surgery. I'm also aroace, in a similar way that you are

Have you considered trying testosterone? At a lower dose you can still get some bottom growth. You'll also have some of the other changes like thicker body hair, and lowering of voice. I was on T for about four months and didn't have any voice changes, but still had enough growth that I was content. I can go into more detail if you like, and there's some toys out there (and functional prosthetics) that help alleviate some of the bottom dysphoria. There's definitely no right way to be Trans or NB but it helps to have some anecdotal info when you're feeling lost.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 hours ago

Oh wow, I really appreciate your replying to this!

I considered trying testosterone cream for growth down there when I was younger but the increased body hair really put me off. I'm naturally already hairy and used to be very, very beardy when I was younger. Seriously, if I was a trans man I would have lucked out on the facial hair front. I obsessed over plucking it all out throughout my teens, and then in my 20's had so many electrolysis sessions and yet I'm in my 30's now and still have to shave every few days as these damn follicles just haven't fucking died.

The lower voice thing though is something I'm after. Despite my not being a very talky person anymore, I've been casually voice training for a while now since discovering it could be done without T. Women with low voices are cool and Dr Girlfriend is low key goals.

Back when I was still into having sex, straps and similar toys were something I was really into and there's a few shapes/styles which I really enjoyed as I could have a dick while also getting sensation from the other areas it was in contact with. The positioning was always off though as what felt best didn't fuck best and visa versa. Also most of mine were purple or pink as my skin tone doesn't really come in dildo format and other 'skin' colours look gross usually.

Soft packers aren't my jam from what I've tried of them, but I've not actually seen functional prosthetics before, these are very interesting!

I think I just had a moment of gender euphoria from seeing an actual dick looking dick that fucks like a dick, attached to someone like that. I'm going get one of these, I want to see that on myself. Thank you for linking that site!

If it's ok with you, I might message you at some point just to say hello and maybe talk about this and ask about your experiences.

Ok I've written a lot and am now very tired, so I'm going to stop now as it's getting difficult. Thank you for commenting and giving me stuff to think about!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

you mentioned phalloplasty, but have you considered a metoidioplasty?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago

I look into all the options every few years and phallo is still the closest end result to what I want and it still isn't advanced enough to be producing outcomes that look, act and feel like real dicks.

I've actually been with someone who had metoidioplasty though! It was sensitive and looked good (albeit very small) and they were very happy with it, but it's not something I could see my body having.

Idk. Like I'm currently in my 6th year of an aro/ace stage in my life due to finally having space to process a lot of traumatic stuff I've been putting off, and that makes this whole thing extra hard to talk about because my ideal body plan is directly connected to my ideal sexual presentation and behaviour.

So while I really would like to have my own functioning dick that I can have penetrative sex with, I'm also unsure if I'm even going to come out of this aro/ace stage I'm in and medical science is still incapable of creating what I actually want, which makes this all kinda just feel like pointless yearning and trauma/dysphoria dumping on strangers.

Sorry about that.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 hours ago

This kind of seems like the worst of both worlds? You lose your vaginal opening from what I understand and gain a micro penis which cannot be used for penetrative sex.

I'm all for gender affirming care but this seems like a half measure that doesnt really make anyone happy. Just my two cents, maybe I'm misunderstanding something.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

I don't know if there is a specific term for it, I think people would just call it having bottom dysphoria.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 hours ago

I think I will be doing this. Thank you!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Same same same. Thanks for asking this because I've never wanted to put it into words and am learning a lot from this thread.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 hours ago

High five, there's officially two of us!

I've never talked about this either, I actually got a little bit tearful when I posted it, not quite worked out the emotion why yet though.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

In our opinion: having bottom dysphoria. It could be you are still trans even if you are fine with the rest of your body but dislike that one area/system. That's up to you though.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your input on this!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 hours ago

You're welcome! We are happy to help!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

I'd say it fits the definition of "dysphoria", even if you don't think it's necessarily gender dysphoria.

My understanding is that: when a trans person looks in the mirror or sees pictures of themselves, and there's a mismatch between "what they see" vs. "what they feel" – that unpleasant feeling is what's meant by "dysphoria". For a transgender person, that feeling could be all or partly about their genitals (masturbating or having sex with "wrong" genitals can make you feel dysphoric), but not necessarily.

Abigail Thorn (a trans YouTuber and philosophy expert) has argued that "gender dysphoria" is a misnomer, and something that cis people also experience. Watch a couple of minutes from this timestamp: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1eWIshUzr8&t=3886s

She also brings up "body dysmorphia", so maybe that's another one for you to google (although she argues that it's basically the same thing).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago

Thank you for replying! I definitely have body dismorphia, you're right on that.

Cis folk definitely have gender dysphoria, it's why they've boxed themselves into gendered roles so thoroughly. Calling stuff gender affirming when cis people do it makes the bigots twitch, which can be quite funny.

I've watched quite a few of Abigail's videos over the years but I kinda soured on her when she tried talking about veganism, she ended up saying that she couldn't go vegan because her cultural and family meals were more important to her so she didn't want to think about it. Which she admitted was a very privileged view to have but it still kinda annoyed me.

This rant is off topic, sorry. Her talks about everything else are usually really good and I appreciate the recommendation! I have a lot of painting to do later, so I'll put this one on.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

How gender dysphoria manifests differs from individual to individual, people experience it in different way, particularly in regards to what someone struggles with: Someone may feel more dysphoric in regards to their face; others in regards to their chest;... And yeah, yearning for different genitals is definitely something that meets the criteria for gender dysphoria.

Does that make you trans, nonbinary, something else? That's something nobody can tell you, because we do not know how strong your feelings are, how much they define you and what you make out of them. That's why the trans community usually avoids telling other people if they are trans or not - or deny anyone that label who claims it.

If you wish to be trans nonbinary, then you are. If you think, these terms do not fit you, then you are not.

Personally I struggled with similar feelings when I was younger. Fast forward and I am now fully transitioning, because I realized it was "not just that." I wanted it all. But that's my way to deal with my feelings. You may chose whatever path suits you and on that path you can try out what this thing or that and cast them off again if they do not feel right. It's a journey of self-discovery and - for better or worse - it's all up to you to discover.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Thank you for replying! I really wasn't expecting so many answers!

That’s why the trans community usually avoids telling other people if they are trans or not - or deny anyone that label who claims it.

Which brings me to my conundrum. Is it wrong to identify with a label if there is no way of achieving it? Like if there is no surgical possibility of transitioning to the body that I want, am I still trans?

Lmao, this is descending into philosophy and you are not obliged to answer. I'm just having existential doubts about my non-existent dick and how it socially defines me.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Which brings me to my conundrum. Is it wrong to identify with a label if there is no way of achieving it? Like if there is no surgical possibility of transitioning to the body that I want, am I still trans?

I can not say this loudly enough, but fuck yes you are!

You don't have to use the label if it doesn't feel right for you, but if it does, it's yours for the taking. Being trans is about who you are, not what you do. Being trans or gender diverse is about saying "This whole sex and gender thing you've assigned me, yeah, it's not working for me". And that's you. What you do with your experiences is up to you, but the experiences are there and they're real, no matter what your external circumstances.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 hours ago

Oh wow, why am I crying, haha. Thank you.

I don't know where I'm going to take this but I feel better about it all for knowing it's valid.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago

Some people are very defensive of the terms they use themselves, or terms in general. Just go with what works for you. Ignore the detractors. You must feel good about your own identity. Nobody else has to; they don't live your life.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

The truth is, no one can tell you, except for you, and often we ourselves don't know. There is no single label used to describe what you're talking about. It can be a form of non binary experience, but that involves your experience of gender, it isn't just about the physical. There's "altersex", which doesn't speak to gender at all, but it's not widely understood, and is also popular with transmedicalists who try and gatekeep other folks validity, so it can carry some unwanted assumptions in people who do recognise it.

And honestly, there is the possibility that it's not "just about genitals". There could be more to this than you're willing to admit, even to yourself.

I was similar to you. I'm a trans woman, and I spent so much of my earlier life literally wishing that I was trans specifically so I could access bottom surgery. If I could have had surgery than magically changed me down stairs, but changed nothing else, I'd have jumped at it. But, of course, there was more to it than that, I was just deep in denial... That's not to say your experience will be the same as mine. I just want to raise it as a possibility for you to think about.

It's a lot of words, but honestly, my advice is to just use whatever feels right, but without getting attached to the specific label. Use it as long as it feels right, but if it stops feeling right, give yourself permission to change it. And that's true even if the label you end up with is "cis woman who wants a dick". As long as the label is working for you, rather than against you, it's the right label

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

Thank you for replying! This is such a tricky topic to navigate, I really appreciate your input.

I've thought about this a lot and ngl, if I was born male my life would have been a lot easier in many ways (and a lot more difficult in others, obviously), but I'm pretty sure at this point that I likely would have ended up presenting female and getting modified to match my gender (nb female) but keeping my sex intact.

I'm actually quite envious of the women who've achieved this as their final form, but I've not knowingly even met any though.

All the trans women I've known and loved have hated their og anatomy, and I felt like it would be insulting to say that was what I wanted for my body when they fought so hard to get rid of it.

The trans guys I've known over the years have either been shitty people or much younger than me, so I've never bothered to try talking to them about this as they were bullies, or it was inappropriate subject matter for kids I'm tutoring.

I've only known like 5 trans guys though, compared to the 20 something trans women who've been in my life over the years.

Idk, I worry that even if I meet a trans guy I can talk to about this, I'll avoid it anyway as I'd be scared of feeling like I'm insulting their masculinity by wanting something for myself that the surgery just isn't advanced enough yet to provide for actual men like them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

All the trans women I've known and loved have hated their og anatomy, and I felt like it would be insulting to say that was what I wanted for my body when they fought so hard to get rid of it.

Not at all! What they wanted was bodily autonomy! And that's what you want!

And again, to bring a personal experience in to this, the person who helped me understand who I am, and accept who I am is a trans guy. He was the first trans person I'd ever spoken to, and what struck me was that despite his experience being the "opposite" of mine, he was also the first person I'd ever spoken to who understood what I was saying, who I didn't have to explain myself to. He just got it.

Which is to say, in the gender diverse community, the stuff we have is common is far greater than the differences. The experience of each gender diverse person is unique, but at the same time, just like so many others before them!

I'll avoid it anyway as I'd be scared of feeling like I'm insulting their masculinity by wanting something for myself that the surgery just isn't advanced enough yet to provide for actual men like them.

Yeah, that is something you need to be careful of. Not yucking on other peoples yum. But you can still talk about it. You can talk about your own hesitations, and you can ask them how they feel about the same things you're concerned about. Rather than "I don't want to do it because it's not perfect", you can ask them to talk about their own relationship with bottom surgery, given that it's not perfect. You can talk about your own concerns and anxiety, without positioning your experience as the one true perspective. They know it's not perfect. But they do it anyway. And honestly, it sounds like hearing the perspective of someone in that position would be really helpful to you!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (2 children)

I understand it's about bodily autonomy but after seeing friends dealing with so much self loathing due to their anatomy, and hearing my ex talking about what she went through to get surgery and the complications she had after, it always felt like it would be wrong, like rubbing sand into a wound, to bring up how I wanted to present myself. My ex probably guessed a bit eventually but she was not into it.

If I meet more trans guys who it's appropriate to talk to about this, I'll give it a go! Thank you for your advice.

I might actually email my ex and see if I can talk to her about this too. I don't know too many people irl right now and she's a pretty good problem solver, all things considered.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

There is a lot of spectrum on the binary, and dysphoria doesn’t always have to be an all or nothing thing, some people are okay with parts of there body, but have dysphoria from other things like social roles and expectations (I’m referencing my own experience here). This really helped me think about dysphoria as something that can take many different shapes and forms for different people : https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

One of the parts I am enjoying about exploring gender is that you can figure out what it all means for you

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago

I've not seen that site before, thank you for linking it!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Ok, let me give you another produce perspective.

I had breast augmentation and it's been a huge source of joy.

But something else that's a source of joy for me is seeing the goofy smile of joy on a trans guys face, when he shares a photo of the first time he went swimming topless after top surgery.

You don't need to assume talking about the things you want will make other folk unhappy just because they don't want it. Play it by ear and respect people's boundaries if they do express discomfort and you'll be fine.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago

I will. Thank you.