I'm afab and if the surgery was possible for turning what I have into a fully functioning dick, I would have done it by now.
Basically I'm comfortable with my perceived gender, I just wish how I see myself mentally when I think about sex, matched up to what I've got in my pants. I've felt this way since I was a young teenager too, so it's not a phase or a fetish, it's how I've wanted to present sexually for most of my life.
Does this disconnect I'm talking about just fall under the non-binary trans umbrella? Or is it a seperate thing?
Are there any other people here who feel this way?
(Phalloplasty does not appeal to me. The surgery is brutal, it doesn't look right (to me) when it heals, it isn't functional how I would want it to be, and it isn't sensitive like a dick.)
Thank you for replying! This is such a tricky topic to navigate, I really appreciate your input.
I've thought about this a lot and ngl, if I was born male my life would have been a lot easier in many ways (and a lot more difficult in others, obviously), but I'm pretty sure at this point that I likely would have ended up presenting female and getting modified to match my gender (nb female) but keeping my sex intact.
I'm actually quite envious of the women who've achieved this as their final form, but I've not knowingly even met any though.
All the trans women I've known and loved have hated their og anatomy, and I felt like it would be insulting to say that was what I wanted for my body when they fought so hard to get rid of it.
The trans guys I've known over the years have either been shitty people or much younger than me, so I've never bothered to try talking to them about this as they were bullies, or it was inappropriate subject matter for kids I'm tutoring.
I've only known like 5 trans guys though, compared to the 20 something trans women who've been in my life over the years.
Idk, I worry that even if I meet a trans guy I can talk to about this, I'll avoid it anyway as I'd be scared of feeling like I'm insulting their masculinity by wanting something for myself that the surgery just isn't advanced enough yet to provide for actual men like them.
Not at all! What they wanted was bodily autonomy! And that's what you want!
And again, to bring a personal experience in to this, the person who helped me understand who I am, and accept who I am is a trans guy. He was the first trans person I'd ever spoken to, and what struck me was that despite his experience being the "opposite" of mine, he was also the first person I'd ever spoken to who understood what I was saying, who I didn't have to explain myself to. He just got it.
Which is to say, in the gender diverse community, the stuff we have is common is far greater than the differences. The experience of each gender diverse person is unique, but at the same time, just like so many others before them!
Yeah, that is something you need to be careful of. Not yucking on other peoples yum. But you can still talk about it. You can talk about your own hesitations, and you can ask them how they feel about the same things you're concerned about. Rather than "I don't want to do it because it's not perfect", you can ask them to talk about their own relationship with bottom surgery, given that it's not perfect. You can talk about your own concerns and anxiety, without positioning your experience as the one true perspective. They know it's not perfect. But they do it anyway. And honestly, it sounds like hearing the perspective of someone in that position would be really helpful to you!
I understand it's about bodily autonomy but after seeing friends dealing with so much self loathing due to their anatomy, and hearing my ex talking about what she went through to get surgery and the complications she had after, it always felt like it would be wrong, like rubbing sand into a wound, to bring up how I wanted to present myself. My ex probably guessed a bit eventually but she was not into it.
If I meet more trans guys who it's appropriate to talk to about this, I'll give it a go! Thank you for your advice.
I might actually email my ex and see if I can talk to her about this too. I don't know too many people irl right now and she's a pretty good problem solver, all things considered.
People who have clear interests that contrast my own make it much easy to realize my own thoughts are not that of a cis men. Given the pressure cis men are put under to pretend they like being cis men, I couldn't trust them to be honest*, so seeing others' thoughts was helpful. So thanks for saying you actually want a penis?
*sorry to anyone who I accidentally laughed because I thought you were making fun of masculinity rather than earnestly embracing it because I couldn't imagine someone actually wanting that.
There is a lot of spectrum on the binary, and dysphoria doesn’t always have to be an all or nothing thing, some people are okay with parts of there body, but have dysphoria from other things like social roles and expectations (I’m referencing my own experience here). This really helped me think about dysphoria as something that can take many different shapes and forms for different people : https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
One of the parts I am enjoying about exploring gender is that you can figure out what it all means for you
I've not seen that site before, thank you for linking it!
Ok, let me give you another produce perspective.
I had breast augmentation and it's been a huge source of joy.
But something else that's a source of joy for me is seeing the goofy smile of joy on a trans guys face, when he shares a photo of the first time he went swimming topless after top surgery.
You don't need to assume talking about the things you want will make other folk unhappy just because they don't want it. Play it by ear and respect people's boundaries if they do express discomfort and you'll be fine.
I will. Thank you.