then no, we can’t because we don’t have access to her diagnosis.

A bullshit argument. Mental health is as imperfect as all the other matters of health, even more. People can get many different diagnoses until getting the right one FFS. People may not get any at all.

Most situations when somebody behaves clearly "weird" are about mental health. Definitely when they can be described as "conspiracy-minded".

You know why “retard” is offensive nowadays, even though it literally means “slow” which is a pretty nice word to use? Because people overused it to mean whatever they wanted and, unsurprisingly, people stopped liking it. Don’t do the same for “mental problems”.

You know, I'm using it right. The post we are arguing under describes this clear enough. The word "retard" got misused by people like you, not like me.

And no, what I'm doing is better than what you are doing.

I fucking hate NT's who treat the behavior of others by their own measure and then find 100 excuses to not just give people some chance, especially since their judgement is worth less than that of cockroaches ; more than that, they also judge against those others when there is any ambiguity and think it's fine.

Most autistic people (especially those who weren't homeschooled) have had the experience of people around them refusing to accept the fact that they are autistic, because it's much easier and more pleasant for NT's to think that someone is below you in hierarchy and\or just weak and\or worse than you as a person, and not outside of said hierarchy. I just want you to understand that your opinion on that doesn't count. Life is complex and many people don't have a diagnosis till rather late in life.

But then not being autistic - one can call it your own mental problems - you may not be able to.

That's ultimately a question of determinism, free will and whether it counts as "being an asshole" if you literally can't behave otherwise in cases highlighted as the reason.

For example, when a person with PDA doesn't do something especially when asked to, is it being an asshole?

Or when a narcissistic person refused to do anything that implies they've done something wrong before, and does the opposite maybe?

Or when a person with ADHD doesn't behave the way it's convenient for people around them?

Most people who called me an asshole in my life refused to understand that I don't want their social dynamics and discourses, I just want to discuss the particular question, literally. Not as part of finding some in-group and saying bad things towards some out-group, but literally to clarify the specific question. Well, and also some of them demanded respect they didn't deserve. That is, they were assholes, but I'm not sure you would agree, because you are likely not autistic and won't understand me.

I also have been rather hostile in situations making me recall my past wounds. Maybe I was an asshole, and maybe the other person could have been more considerate.

This is all subjective, the situation here is that from the description she clearly perceived what others said and did not as intended to be perceived. Case closed.