this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2023
3 points (100.0% liked)

Ask Lemmy

26753 readers
1478 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected]

Rules: (interactive)

1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them

2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?

3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.

4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected]. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].

5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.

Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija

Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
3
What's the most absurd thing you've seen someone refuse to do because of toxic masculinity? (lemmy.world)
submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
49 comments fedilink hide all child comments
all 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Had an absolute asshole of a Lieutenant over my platoon while deployed to Iraq. We get there and they're issuing out bed linens. We're all thrilled because we're getting actual beds and not cots. This motherfucker refuses the linens because "they have flowers on them", then proceeds to demand a cot for himself. He slept in the cot in his sleeping bag instead.

He was also Mormon, attempted to proselytize every second he got, and proudly declared his virginity (he was in his late 20s at the time) when NO ONE ASKED to hear about that shit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The Aztecs, that would cut hearts out of people and fought with clubs edged with razor sharp rocks, worshipped a flower god (Xōchipilli) and a hummingbird god (Huītzilōpōchtli), those pansies.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

I’m going to be honest here - being surrounded by hummingbirds is terrifying. Not only does the buzzing and needle beaks make you think of the mosquitos in jumanji, but they also teleport from place to place while hovering.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wait, what do you mean by a cot? In my British English a cot is what babies sleep in and has tall bars on the sides to stop them falling out. I'm guessing this isn't the same.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

My bad, I didn't realize it was called by another name elsewhere. It looks just like this [USGI Military Folding Cot https://a.co/d/c0K3vCF](USGI Military Folding Cot https://a.co/d/c0K3vCF)

What do they call those where you're from?

To be fair, that LT would feel right at home in what you're describing (we call that a "crib" in the US), he was such an ignorant ass.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Once worked with a guy who refused to wash dishes, said that is a woman's responsibility. He only uses paper plates and plastic utensils.

I never asked him if he cooked but kind of figure it'd the be same answer LOL.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That is so bizarre. Cooking and cleaning aren’t women’s responsibilities, they are adult responsibilities.

What separates things out is the degree of implementation.

A reasonable man will slap together a simple and hearty yet healthy meal with 2-3 separate items on a plate. A lot of women will jack that shit up to 11 and make it a 3-course meal.

A reasonable man will clean until things are clean to the needs of the situation. If it’s a plate, it’s until it is clean enough to safely eat off of. If it’s a barn floor, clearly those standards are a lot lower; be happy if you see a broom come out. A lot of women will insist on surgical-room cleanliness regardless of the location.

A man should never have any reluctance to cooking and cleaning. It’s called basic adulting. What we need to watch out for is to align our efforts to the needs and conditions of the situation. We men are here to be practical.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

You really should have stopped after the first paragraph it just devolved from there on.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You really should have stopped after the first paragraph it just devolved from there on.

Ah, yes. Because real-world experience is just so passé.

Sorry for intruding into your ideology with facts and reality.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

We men are here to be practical.

So as the non-toxic arbiter of facts and reality, what exactly are women here for?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

what exactly are women here for?

Why TF would I have any say in that? I’m a man, not a woman. I just observe how they behave and act, and take note of common trends and broad patterns.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Since you're specifying that men are here to be practical, you're saying that woman are not practical:

What we need to watch out for is to align our efforts to the needs and conditions of the situation.

Do you see why that's a toxic attitude to have?

[–] [email protected] -1 points 10 months ago

Since you're specifying that men are here to be practical, you're saying that woman are not practical

You are hitting a surprisingly large number of logical fallacies with that statement. Nowhere did I say anything to that, I strongly suggest checking your own biases for that source.

Do you see why that's a toxic attitude to have?

Of course that’s a toxicity that has been externally imposed on men. Chris Rock was absolutely correct with his quote - a man who isn’t providing something of value is seen as useless. So in order to avoid going down “unproductive” paths that provide no value or utility to our betters, men have to always be providing value; to not waste time and energy on things that aren’t useful.

You see this everywhere in Nature, where males provide value through demonstrations of genetic fitness via gaudy displays that require effort and internal resources to pull off. Without those displays of fitness, they have absolutely no value and the females utterly ignore them.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 10 months ago

Routine colonoscopy after hitting middle age

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (6 children)

I've been to Gay pride parades, gay bars and gay clubs. The gayest experience I've had in my life was working in the trades with straight men doing everything they can to prove their masculinity at all costs.

These men will use women as mere possessive objects in order to prove to their masculinity towards other men. By oversexualizing all women while at the same time belittling all that their partner does. As if women were merely currency for respect among men.

They hated gays and trans people so much that they would spend an extremely uncomfortable amount of time telling you how much they were "disgusted" by these people.

They hated on any man who who did not possess physical masculine traits. Those traits that they hated? Not being muscular. Not being tall. Not being fat (what???). Having longer hair.

But the gayest thing these guys refused to do was stand up for themselves against unjust authority. They would spend the most all their free time explicitly telling you how much they hate their boss. How stupid their boss is. How much of an asshole their boss is. How they would kick their bosses ass. Just talk an absolute big game.

Then the boss would come around the corner and you'd never see a bunch of grown ass men tuck their dicks between their legs faster than these guys. Their voices raise up a couple pitches and suddenly they are acting as subservient as how they believe their wives should be.

It's in this unspoken idea of respect for Men in Authority that you see the "gayest" trait in these toxic men. But not in a good gay way. A toxic gay trait that comes from a deep place built on oppression and repression of ones self. Where respect from your fellow man at all costs is the most valuable thing they crave. Where respect from your boss holds even higher value. Where respect from men in higher positions is held at even higher value.

All they care about is to be noticed by other men. That's kinda gay dude.

The cost of all this effort to gain respect from exclusively other men is their dignity. And they are more than willing to give up their dignity to be noticed by men in positions of authority.

To these guys, questioning or standing up to authority is gay. Standing up for yourself is gay. Demanding to be treated with dignity is gay. They will be the first ones to kick you down for disrespecting authority.

I've walked into a club bathroom and saw two guys giving another guy a blowjob. That's still not as gay as watching "straight" acting men grovel at the feet of boss in any trades.

Ick...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Don’t forget anything longer than a military buzzcut. Gayyyyyyy

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Sounds like a great bunch(!)

Not sure how it relates to "gayness" though.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Kudos for being able to say what you did, while using gay as a "derogatory" word, and not fucking it up in a way that would lead an uncharitable interpretation of what you said.

That being said, I absolutely agree with you, and the most homophobic shit I've ever heard came from guys who were so insecure about their sexuality, in a way that signalled to virtually everyone who was secure, that there was something about themselves they didn't want to accept.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Holy shit yes, this whole thing right here.

The trade fields are absolutely insanely full of men telling each other how manly they are and how not gay they are with the "notice me" mode that it's kinda 'dude... if you want guys to hit on you... you're going about it all wrong.'

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Ugh. Very relateable.

To give you an idea, I'm 2m/6ft6, do weight lifting and I'm not particularly worried about the size of my dick. I may be insecure about many things, but not about my manliness.

Anyway, these kind of insecure men always try to out macho me. It's so fucking tiring. I'm basically straight (never say never), but I like stuff these kinds of men often find gay, because I'm not an anti-intellectual moron who has the maturity of a 12 year old boy or cares too much about what other people think. It's like they want to whip out their dicks and measure each other all the time. What kind of manchild cares so much about what other people think, that they can't listen to classical music, dress nicely, or read a book? As you say, these men are too weak to have opinions of their own or stand-up to authority.

They're so deeply insecure, it's fucking sad. Pathetic even. Not that I feel much sympathy for them, especially the older ones who've had time to mature, because they inevitably cause you grief. They're at best annoying, but can be outright dangerous. The whole machismo, kiss the boot, contempt for the weak thing is a toxic cocktail. No surprise who they vote for either, always love to suck the dick of a strong leader who tells them they're better than someone else.

You know those Harvard implicit association tests? They have one for racism, but they also have one for homophobia. Certainly not without their flaws, but I took one. Turns out I have a bias against straight people. No mystery how that happened, given so many men are toxic.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Refusing to use nail polish remover to clean off permanent marker because that's "for women". It's acetone, my dude, acetone.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

All solvents are gay. That includes water, the gayest of solvents.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Guys who refuse to wash their arse because it’s “gay”.

The sheer amount of self-hatred, insecurity and homophobia caused by toxic masculinity and shitty upbringings is astounding that you’d rather have swamp ass than be worried you’re gay.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Sounds like he enjoyed the way it felt and that scared him.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Proof homophobes are full of shit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Not saying it doesn't happen but I've seen this said a few times now, and have never heard of anyone who actually refuses to clean their arse. Have I just lived a sheltered life or what?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The internet can amplify incredibly marginal phenomenons. Like, how many incels can there possibly be? Yet you hear about them all the time

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Have you actually seen this? Like, do you have a first hand account?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

I did. I was talking to some guys and somehow my bidet came up and everyone found it pretty amusing and "gay". I said something like: well imagine you accidentally touch dogshit or something and then wipe it off with a piece of paper and go: well that's good enough until my next shower.
One guy said: what do you mean, next shower? And i said, that's your next opportunity to clean your ass with water and soap. Where everyone seems to agree that was also for gays.
It's extra funny to me that in a previous conversation one of the guys said his girlfriend hates giving head. I wonder why mr. Poopy butthole.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

If you search for “boyfriend refuses to wash ass reddit” on Google there are plenty of stories for you to eat your dinner over.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Besides physical violence, the most absurd thing I've seen was a man who bought a car after his wife pleaded not to because it would bankrupt them. He didn't like that she was "telling him what to do." They had two perfectly fine vehicles btw.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Bankruptcy is so alpha male

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Was an old car salesman tactic to basically tell guys they weren't man enough to risk something they could barely afford.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 10 months ago

Still is. Attach emotion to a sales pitch and if the buyer is dumb enough to play into it, you'll sell every time.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Tell his wife that he loved her, because love is "gay" and "feminine"

Firstly, audibly expressing your heterosexuality isn't gay.
Secondly, there is nothing feminine about 2 guys loving each other, they are both guys so it's the most masculine sexual/romantic pairing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

You know what they say: There is nothing more manly than gay sex.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (2 children)

To be fair, having sex with women is pretty gay. They're girly, weak and smell nice.

Nothing more masculine than two smelly men fucking each other in the arse. Dominating this guy who's just as strong if not stronger than you, then enduring the pain of Big Jim's rod penetrating you, because you're a manly man who's made of tougher stuff.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

enduring the pain of Big Jim's rod penetrating you,

Fellas, is it gay to use lube for anal?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

You're not a true man until you sand it up.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Fucking women is gay because women like men and liking men is gay

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Lmao literally "fellas, is it gay to love a woman?"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Yeah, working in a factory was full of the bullshit like this, but this was the weirdest example. Things that boiled down to "No, I can wear less protective equipment than you!" were very common.

Even if you take the "gay argument" out of things, why would you let a group of 4 divorced guys give you relationship advice?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

For me it's between refusing to use an umbrella because "it's gay" or refusing to sit in the middle seat of a work truck because of the same reason as the first.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

TIL: being a top is NOT gay 🥳

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

A good portion of Hispanics believe this. The gay one is the bottom one.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I did very well when I visited Mexico for this reason. The amount of dudes just totally cool with topping was excessive. Guys who are, by their own cultural standards, completely straight hanging out of grindr. It was a glorious week.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

This is stupid hot — and a cross-cultural win–win