It doesn't matter 'cause it would be a miracle if he brought a lady home.
Because while Jesus was prayin'
Fuckin' Craig was layin'
Every lady in the testament
You know what I'm sayin'
this post was submitted on 08 Jan 2025
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He was homosexual based on all his male buddies he liked to have dinner with. So, definitely an ass lover.
TIL ace people aren't "fully human"
jesus is an ass man. seen stickers making this statement.
Dick. Jesus was gay.
Well, Christ came riding upon an ass, so I think this is an easy question to answer
He loves them both, since non should be excluded.
The both, why not?
I don't deny that christ was fully human only that as a human one can't fully make such a distinction.
Wait a minute. Since how long do we have books?
Ufff... these were not the most advanced societies at the time (not philosophically, not technologically, not culturally, not in any meaningful way):
Could he not have been ace?
The Bible doesn't say anything about Jesus' sexuality, let alone preferences. In fact what it does say could lead you to virtually any conclusion.
First, there is zero evidence that Mary was a prostitute as mentioned elsewhere. She was just a follower of Jesus. Biblical scholar Bart Ehrman tells about a fragment of a manuscript of an apocryphal gospel that says "Jesus loved Mary and used to kiss her on the..." and that's where the fragment is broken off. Our dirty little imaginations could come up with anything to finish that sentence but the lost part probably says something stupid like "forehead."
There was "the diciple that Jesus loved" who is once mentioned sleeping on Jesus' busom. The diciple isn't identified but the disciples were supposedly all men.
When he was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, a naked boy was seen running away.
So, we can draw any conclusion we want. The clear answer is probably boobs because he was really into missionary stuff.
I second the boob analysis (ass myself). The whole having his feet washed and with their hair means he was probably looking down the shirt. An ass man would have them washing their own feet. Of course, it could be neither and just a foot fetish thing instead.
The last sentence got me.
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After eating Thai and Mexican back to back, I do recall a snip in the new testament decrying his asshole as the gateway to hell. Never heard about him speaking poorly of tits.
My money's on he was a boobs guy.
He could be asexual who doesn't experience sexual desire at all. I mean just possibility
I know asexuality is spectrum and not everyone experiences sexual desires same way.
Assuming the Catholic you're talking to recognizes asexuality exists. It's funny that accepting asexuality is a way out of blasphemy here though.
Funnier that they demand their priests be celibate but don't recognize asexuality. Like, what do they think is happening with priests who aren't getting caught in sex scandals? Sure some of them probably just have more willpower, but I'm willing to bet money that many of them are just asexual and never had to think about it or identify that way because they were instead celibate for their faith.
You know, I learned that a long time ago, Catholic Priests used to be allowed to marry, but because they didn't really have any of their own possessions or property, priests were cared and provided for by the Church. If they did get married, the wife also was cared for. And in a religion that sees birth control as blasphemy, that means that the kids would also be cared and provided for. And when you have a lot of priests, all getting married and having lots of kids, that gets expensive. So now priests have to be celibate.
Not all catholic priests have to be celibate! Eastern rite Catholics (around 1 percent of Catholics) are able to marry and have kids! Also, there's something called the personal ordinate, where former Anglican priests can be ordained as catholic priests and Anglican parishes/congregations can be joined to the Catholic Church while retaining uniquely Anglican cultural and liturgical elements, and if the priest is already married they can still be ordained, even though they're ostensibly within the western rite (the one where priests can't marry), but AFAIK if they're unmarried when they make the switch they cannot then get married.
Orthodox priests can also marry (but only before becoming priests. If unmarried when ordained, unmarried you must remain*), and are considered to be in full communion with the Catholics, and while I've never looked into it, I'm sure there's something similar to the personal ordinate for them as well.
*I like this system better than western rite. Priests can marry but once they're in that position of power over people they can't. Because in theory at least, it'd be easy for an unmarried priest to take advantage of a parishioners they were sexually interested in, because there is such an inbalance of power between the two, like teacher/student but cranked up to 11. I personally like the Episcopal model
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It was also a very convenient way to prevent the nobility from establishing a church dynasty.
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Asexual people exist, dude.
Asexual doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate aspects of the human body.
Those are just the disguised lizard people.
Dont I wish, but no, don't even get scales...
You got it slidely wrong. They secretly rule the world but not because they are lizards, that would be absurd, but because they are the only ones who have time to do so because they don't think about sex all the time.
As the WORD of God he's the source of Proverbs and Song of Solomon so....
Her: Dark am I, yet lovely, because I am darkened by the sun - Song of Solomon 1
so.. tanned
works with eager hands... her arms are strong for her tasks - Proverbs 31
... toned forearms ..
Her: Like an apple[c] tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste - Song of Solomon 2
... not opposed to oblique references to pre-marital fellatio ...
Her: strengthen me with raisins
... .... ... nutrition aware(?) ...
Her: I am ... a lily of the valley .... My beloved ... browses among the lilies
... not opposed to oblique references to pre-marital cunnilingus ... (see also 4:16)
Him: Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead. 2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. 3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely - Song of Solomon 4
... mysterious eyes ... flowing hair ... no missing teeth (lol) ... red lips ...
Him: Your breasts are like two fawns
... young(?), pert, nimble breasts ...
Him: You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water
... looks at camera ...
Her: Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere
... ... my bro was definitely into some sensory stuff ...
Her: My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the bolt. - Song of Solomon 5
(authors of erotic lit take note, this is your lord and god speaking)
Him: I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley, to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom. - Song of Solomon 6
... so .. pubescent? hey, could be worse ...
Him: Your graceful legs are like jewels - Song of Solomon 7
... legs guy! ...
Him: Your breasts are like two fawns
... breasts again! ...
Him: your breasts like clusters of fruit
... breasts mention number 3 ...
Him: May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine
... #4 ....
breasts ... like towers - Song of Solomon 8
... #5 ...
I think you can draw your own conclusions.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk
By my very fundamentalist upbringing, this was all supposedly a metaphor for God's love of the nation of Israel. Which is exactly the sort of "reading between the lines" that they said you weren't supposed to do.
It's not that complicated. Solomon was horny, someone a long time ago decided his hornyness should be canon, and now biblical literalists have to deal with it and don't know how.
no missing teeth (lol)
More remarkable than you think without modern dental care.
I'm 51 and haven't had any dental care as an adult. I still have all of my teeth, and no pain etc. They could use a cleaning but a lot is genetics and diet. Not all of my genetics are great though, I've had autoimmune issues since I was a kid.
You probably grew up brushing your teeth with modern toothpaste, and had fluoride in the water.
This isn't universally true, even today, in the United States. So says the diner in Indianapolis I went to where almost all the staff were missing teeth.
It’s not that complicated. Solomon was horny, someone a long time ago decided his hornyness should be canon, and now biblical literalists have to deal with it and don’t know how.
hans landa: that's a bingo
also, not even necessarily horny, just far far less prudish, all the sensory stuff associated with sex was just far more normal
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead.
Guess that was considered beautiful, millennia ago.
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
Cares for personal hygiene, i guess?
Well, in those times they didn't really have dentists, so having all one's pearly whites in a adulthood was not common.
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead.
Guess that was considered beautiful, millennia ago.
This is probably the imagery... (except dark mountain goats)
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
Cares for personal hygiene, i guess?
More likely good health and youth to be honest, elsewhere he says her breath smells of apples (in a good way lol)..
I want to commend you for some sort of prize. I can't upvote twice but I would if I could. Nice!
p.s
I'm going to take a risk and say the comparison to fawns implies not very big breast but well defined and not very much parted.