this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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all 28 comments
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[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 days ago

keep it in your sunburn

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah but what about nutkicking, then?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago

Simple, just get into cbt

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

This is why I keep my front door key in my foreskin. Either I evade the pickpocket, or I make a new friend. I cannot lose.

As a younger man, I was able to unlock the door hands-free. These days, I need to fish the key out of my floppy beige KKK hood like a sock trapped in a duvet cover on laundry day.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I call this comment, the "58008's Wild Ride"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

Mr. Skeltal's was worse.

Edit: I misremembered the meme. It was Mr. Bones. Doot doot.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

You thank mr skeltal for helping you get off mr bones wild ride.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

"Hold my bear" I wispered, reaching for my kitchen tongs

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

Bro needs to do some manscaping on his eyebrows for real fam, no cap.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

On jah the Rizzler is going to flush this bozo down the skibidi toilet.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

You're just jealous

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

That's where you're wrong: for nature's pocket can still be picked and it doesn't even need to be full to do so

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

…he enjoys it.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I keep my keys in my prison pocket. Along with my phone. And my wallet. And my EDC pocket knife. And a Leatherman. And a Moleskin and a couple of pens. And a tactical flashlight. And a small first aid kit.

I do walk a bit funny though.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Which tactics do you employ with that flashlight?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago

Strike hard, strike first, show no mercy!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

So, like, which one goes in first? And if you need that, do you have to pull everything else out of your pocket to get to it?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Nah, they go in any order and then you just kind of... rootle around in there.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

Cool, cool cool cool... your pocket knife isn't spring-assisted is it? or a gravity knife?

[–] [email protected] 41 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

I prefer the term "Keister stash"

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago

Nature's pocket

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

Just keep it sealed tight

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

Jokes on you, I keep my bills rolled in my foreskin.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean, I guess it depends on where he's keeping his phone while nude. He might enjoy a little nude pickpocketing, if he's open minded, and the pickpocket has sufficient lube

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago

It does leave your flesh pockets awfully exposed