Hossenfeffer

Because they don't have windows.

The salted egg yolk flavour does sound pretty good.

Because they just love to arrrrrrrgue!

Score! Found some guancale so naturally I made carbonara. Hands down one of my favourite pasta dishes.

The recipe is pretty simple (for which, read there’s nowhere to hide).

Serves 4 people.

Cooking time: about half an hour.

Ingredients:

• some guancale. I like it sliced thin so you get slivers of flavour, but some like it cubed. How much? I used about 100g.

• 500g of pasta. Spaghetti works well here, but bucatini is better.

• Egg. I like to do 1 egg yolk per person plus one whole egg per two people. So, for four, four yolks and two whole eggs.

• Black pepper. Freshly ground. More than you think.

Now some people will tell you that’s all you need (and all you’re allowed for an ‘authentic’ carbonara) but I also salt the pasta water and use some of it in the final saucing.

1. Boil a lot of salted water. Add the pasta. Cook it.

2. Meanwhile, in a heavy based pan, fry the sliced guancale (or pancetta, or if all else fails some unsmoked streaky bacon). You need something like a cast iron or enamelled Le Creuset because we need heat retention later.

3. Also meanwhile separate the eggs, loosely whisk and then start grinding black pepper and grating cheese. Grind slightly more black pepper than seems sensible and add it to the eggs. For the cheese I like to use a 50/50 mix of parmesan and pecorino. I don’t know amounts but if your pasta takes about 8 minutes then grate, stir pasta, grate, stir guancale, grate, repeat, until there’s about one minute left on your timer.

4. With one minute to go scoop up a cup of the pasta water. Then make sure your eggy cheesy peppery mixture is nicely combined.

5. When the pasta is done, turn of the heat on the guancale. Drain the pasta and then add to the guancale, tossing it until all the pasta is coated in the oil.

6. Add half the reserved pasta water to your cheeggy mixture and stir well to temper the it. Then pour into the pan with the guancale and pasta. Stir it! You want the egg to gently cook in the heat of the pan, but not scramble! So stir it, keep it moving until it’s barely saucy. Then add the rest of the reserved pasta water again and stir again until it hits a creamy but not wet consistency.

7. Serve with some more freshly ground black pepper.

No photos because you want to eat this while it’s still hot! Maybe next time.

... I mean, the boat's at the bottom of the sea, bit late to be worrying about health and safety now!

I have a bunch of go-to online sources for recipes that I use, from NYT cooking (subscription required but worth it) to Serious Eats (Kenji FTW!) to BBC Good Food.

But my all time favourite online writer is Felicity Cloake who does an utterly brilliant series in The Guardian.

The premise is simple: for any given dish, she takes a bunch of recipes from various chefs and food writers, tries them all, and discusses what works and what doesn't, then publishes her best version of all of the above.

Whether it's pierogi, nettle soup, cheese empanadas, or pasta ai funghi her articles are great because you can see why she's made the decisions she has for her final recipe. You can pick and chose from the various recipes she tried.

Strongly, strongly recommended.

An investigation has been launched after ram-raiders stole a Slush Puppie machine.

The raid happened at about 01:40 BST on Saturday at Moores Fish & Chip Shop in Newton Leys, Milton Keynes.

Thames Valley Police said significant damage was caused to the shop after a vehicle, believed to be a dark Vauxhall Astra, repeatedly drove into it.

A number of men entered the shop and stole the cold drinks machine.

Chicken and asparagus risotto

Serves 2

Ingredients

• asparagus, one bunch - for this, where the asparagus is chopped, I like quite thin stalks, if I'm serving it whole as a side I prefer thicker stalks
• chicken breast, 250g cooked, and chopped - this is a weeknight meal, if I was taking time I'd poach and shred some chicken breast fresh for it
• risotto rice, 250g - I like Carnaroli most, but only had Arborio in the cupboard so that's what I used here
• shallots - I had some huge Echalion shallots and just used a couple, finely sliced
• garlic, 2 cloves, finely slived or minced
• butter, an ungodly amount, in 1 cm cubes - some for frying and some to finish. Maybe 100g
• 1 cup of dry white wine
• stock, 1L - I used half chicken and half veggie
• flat leaf parsley, 1 fistful, chopped
• Parmigiano Reggiano, 50g, finely grated
• salt and plenty of freshly ground black pepper

Method

1. take a bunch of asparagus and snap off the woody stems (don't bin them!). Cut the asparagus into roughly 1.5cm to 2cm pieces on a slight bias.
2. bring some stock to a bare simmer and toss in the woody asparagus stems. I used about 1L stock total.

3. bring half the butter to a low simmer in a heavy bottomed pan (an enamelled dutch oven is perfect here, a Le Creuset or other similar). Gently cook the chopped asparagus in the butter, until fragrant and softening, maybe 3-4 minutes.
4. remove the asparagus and reserve.
5. add the chopped shallots to the pan and let soften, about 5 minutes.
6. add the garlic to the pan and let soften, about 2 minutes.
7. turn the heat up under the pan to medium, add the rice, and stir in the rice. Fry until you can smell a slightly toasty note from the rice, stirring often.

8. toss in your white wine and keep stirring frequently until it's been absorbed.
9. remove the woody asparagus stems from the stock and chuck.
10. a ladle or two at a time, add some stock to the risotto and keep stirring often until the stock has been almost completely absorbed. Repeat until you've used almost all the stock. Test the rice. You want no chalkiness, but still a little but of a bite to it, it shouldn't be mushy.
11. add the chopped chicken and the fried asparagus to the pot along with the last ladle or two of stock. Keep stirring until it's at about the consistency you're looking for[1].
12. add the chopped parsley and the rest of the butter. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve.

My wife declared it to be as good as the M&S microwave Chicken and Asparagus risotto ready-meal, so you can't get much better than that, can you?

[1] - the perfect risotto should 'creep' across the plate, ie when you add a ladleful to a plate it shouldn't maintain a heaped shape but should gradually relax and spread a bit. Mine, here, was a bit thick, but what can you do?