this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"runs out the door"

why? why would people run out the door at someone commiting suicide?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Maybe to go find someone with medical training who can potentially help?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

At least one person would stay

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

God that i hilariozs, i tried to to a similar thing in the final exam but my crack juices weren't flowing sadly

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

*Student shows signs of severe depression*

*gets suspended from school*

Even if it was a joke, this is some "Tell me you're from the US without telling me you're from the US" type shit

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It was the

during choir

WTF

[–] [email protected] 1 points 20 hours ago

After school programs anyone?

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Would be funnier if he accidentally made himself quadriplegic and was just lying there in terror as everyone else was laughing and it took a good while before someone realised.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And he was still suspended

[–] [email protected] 3 points 21 hours ago

Well yeah, how else would he get around?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Reminds me of the British comedian who had a heart attack on stage and died, while the audience laughed, thinking it was all just an act. Cant remember his name, but at least he died doing what he loved.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Tommy Cooper. A bit old school these days but a funny guy. He specialised in doing magic tricks badly for comedic effect, so when he died people really thought it was part of the show.

Here's a classic: Spoon jar jar spoon.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 23 hours ago

Yep, that’s him!

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Idk if we agree on what 'funnier' means.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 20 hours ago

Well, it's fake either way, might as well chuckle at some black humor.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

sounds like fiction. it's just missing "he thought to himself,"

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 day ago

Wh.. what if you really can't take it anymore?

[–] [email protected] 167 points 2 days ago (2 children)

In middle school I had a friend who would get nosebleeds fairly often. I don't remember exactly why nor how, but we somehow got into an argument with this really religious kid who was a little shit. So like the next day he felt a nosebleed coming and ran over to the kid and said "Hail Satan" and exhaled hard to make a ton of blood come out. Well the kid fainted and my friend got detention for the day

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Could they have stolen the story? Yes. But they could have equally had a similar experience, it's not that implausible. I've known people that have nose bleeds like that, it's not some incredibly rare condition, and saying hail Satan is the kind of thing tons of edgy kids/teens would do.

Things can happen more than once.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

I did something similar to my mother. Except I came downstairs with blood all over my face and hands (I hadn't found a tissue yet) and then tried acting like a zombie. I thought it was hilarious. She was shocked but got over it pretty quickly.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 2 days ago

That's amazing 🤣

[–] [email protected] 74 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ah, the fear of consequences after a good prank at school. I drew a dick on a whiteboard once, also in seventh grade.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 2 days ago (2 children)

That's going to go on your Permanent Record!!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Actually it will go into the dry erase record

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago

Ah, you got the stink lines and everything