Ask Lemmy

Like anything else, the more you practice, the better you get. I remember how much anxiety and stress I had when I was learning; now I don’t even think about it.

Could you get a friend or relative to take you out to a quiet area to get more practice away from traffic and other road users? Then slowly build up to more stressful situations. I was taking my kids a few times a week around the quieter back streets, round and round and round, until they got their confidence up, then we went out to small roads with traffic, and built up until they were driving on busy main roads and freeways.

Here in Australia, you can choose to get an automatic-only license and not have to learn manual. Is that an option where you are?

Hello, driving enthusiast here.
Driving was stressful for me to learn as well. But i picked it up pretty quick. I learned in an auto and learned manual later which took some practice.

This all being said, like anything else, you are only finding manuals distracting because you're still learning and they aren't second nature. once you don't have to think about driving a manual it won't be distracting. automatics are the distraction problem, imo, because they allow drivers to play on their phone instead of driving.

I've only ever fallen asleep while driving an automatic (twice), never a manual.

You are frustrated while you are learning and that's to be expected but don't you dare go blaming your problems on others, such as cyclists. Being a poor, distracted, and terrible driver is your fault and your problem. If you can't handle driving around other people then stop driving.

No, it's not awful all the time. Cruising down a highway or familiar streets can be kind of zen. I say this as someone who despises car-culture and believes most transit should be mass, public, transit options like buses and trains. But I have fond memories of cruising down the highway at night by myself singing along with my favorite music.

I live somewhere that's walkable and has a subway system now, and it's much better. Don't have to worry about parking, insurance, fuel, drinking too much. So if you really hate driving, you could look into living somewhere that doesn't require it.

As someone who drives an automatic, I so wish I could have a manual. I much prefer driving them.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad I was able to drive an automatic and get experience first, but once you start really driving a car, you realize how much an automatic limits you. Things like engine braking, coasting, and honestly just staying in one consistent gear when you’re trying to maintain good speed control are much harder, if not next to impossible depending on the automatic.

Learning to drive is going to take a lot of time though, and the fact that everyone just does it and takes it for granted I think really messes with you. Speaking from experience, most people don’t even learn to drive that well, no matter how much they drive. I see people constantly driving off the lines, poor speed control, braking distance, etc. just blows my mind that where I live (USA) there’s next to no requirements to drive.

When I first started driving, it was with manual. And it really helped once I realized two things:

• Being shitty at gear shifts won't make me fail at the final test. Instructor told me as much. If I wear out the clutch and cox up the engine through repeated stalls, that's my problem - I can torture and destroy my car through ineptitude, as long as it's done in accordance with road safety.
• Getting used to the clutch is half the battle. Not clutches in general, but the specific one you're driving. Once you get used to know how insensitive or sensitive it is, the rest will be a lot easier. With time (and not a whole lot of it, actually), you'll be shifting gear without having to think much about it, just like the rest; right now you're struggling with you many areas that require your focus. As you practice them, you will do all of them without thinking about them.

I still need a while getting used to new gearboxes whenever I'm using someone else's car.

Oh, and a tip: be sure to memorize the gear positions, and while standing still with the engine off you can practice shifting from and to any gear without looking. That's one less thing to pay attention to.

You're just learning.

You should always be paying attention, and vigilant. But over time you don't actively think about keeping the car between the lines, you just do it. You don't think about accelerating a bit to maintain speed when a hill starts, you just do it. Etc etc. Same with driving a manual transmission. At first it's all so much. Pat your head and rub your belly. But eventually it becomes a learned skill you don't actively focus on.

I really didn't like driving when I first started taking lessons and even after I got my license and a car ( I never started driving until I was 30) but eventually I got much more comfortable with it . Now I deliver newspaper and Amazon packages as a side gig .

It starts out feeling like you're driving a two-tonne weapon in a world full of drunk people driving two-tonne weapons. You're nervous and hypervigilant.

After a while your driving instincts develop and becomes less of a problem. And on days when the sun is shining and your favourite song is playing, it begins to seem like driving isn't so bad after all.

"Are cars always this awful" you ask, whilst shitting on the alternative...

my parents only had manuals and I ended up taking the test a few years later with my friends automatic because they wanted to do a road trip and wanted me to take driving shifts.

I remember back when I first started learning to drive, dad tried to teach me in his SAAB 95 BioPower estate, it was a manual, it was terrifying.

I only took a few lessons before stopping, almost two daceds later, 2022 I enrolled with a local driving school, learned in a VW Golf Automatic. It was still scary at first, but at 34 was ready in a different way than when I was 18 or so.

Still, it took me almost a year of driving lessons to pass my test, though I did do it while working full time at the same time (I didn't take a vacation that year, I took sporadic days to attend driving classes).

The first time I took the test I failed as I didn't keep attention to where the car were in relation to a wall and the examinor had to step on the brake.

The second time went well, and I passed it.

Then for half a year, my dad and me went out on the weekends and I drove his car (a Volvo v90 Automatic), that was absolutely critical, I got the practice I needed and got to spend some quallity time with dad.

Then in the summer of 2023, I bought my first car, a 2021 Seat Leon PHEV hatchback Automatic, and I just went nuts!

In the first year of owning the car I drove 40000km, I drove like absolute mad, every day I got in my car and drove for hours, I explored the local area and the car, not to mention got used to driving.

That was also critical, driving so much has made me a confident driver, though perhaps a bit over confident as I got my first speeding ticket this summer going 10kmh over the limit at a surprise police speed trap.

Then this summer a badger decided to run into my car while I was driving 60, getting that sorted now.

These incidents have made me a calmer driver, especially when it is now getting darker here in Sweden.

I have a few rules of my own that have been very helpful to my being a better driver.

A. If something unexpected happens at an intersection, it might be me getting my priorities mixed up, or someone else behavinf oddly, if that happens, when I get home, I go on Google Streetview and look up the intersection and look at signs, makring and the general look of the place from as many directions as possible, I try to figure out why I drove the way I drove, and why other did it their way. This has helped me hugely.

B. I try turn around (at a suitable place) and drive the road properly after something either happened, or nearly happened. I do this so that the last time I drove a road went well, so an old mistake doesn't haunt me making me lore worried.

Try driving an 18-speed truck transmission without the clutch.

Who's stupid?

You need seat time. You'll get better the more you do it, until driving is instinctual. Avoiding doing it is how you don't learn.

You get used to driving, and automatic is probably easier to learn with but afterwards it's not an issue.

I learned to drive using a manual transmission vehicle. I spent a lot of time in empty parking lots, then in empty subdivision roads. It sucked, and having my dad as a teacher made things worse (he had a bit of a temper). As you stated, learning the clutch friction point for your vehicle is crucial (and it's different in every model of car, so that's fun), but once you get that down, the rest falls into place pretty easily.
I have had 4 vehicles since I got my license, and only the most recent one is automatic. I much prefer driving manual, but they're getting increasingly difficult to find outside of sports cars.

When I first started driving I was terrified all the time, but over time fear disappeared. It gets easier with experience.

I hated learning how to drive, and only really started to tolerate it once I got a new driving teacher. I actually like driving now, mostly because it's one of the few times where I can turn my brain off while not being unfocused.

With that said...I have no idea why Americans (not assuming OP is American, but know it's rare over there) have such an issue with manual cars. My family has both manual and automatic, and I prefer manual because it's much easier to have control. It has never, ever been a distraction for me.

I've been driving for well over a decade, nearing two. I hate every minute of it. Honestly, I hate other drivers more than driving itself. Trust no one, assume everyone is out to kill you because half of them are.

I do think it's a bit crazy that people learn to drive manual cars on the road. It is a lot to manage when you have no experience. Learners should be given a few hours to just mess around on an airfield or car park so they can get a feel for the machine first of all.

IMO most driving sucks anus though, after a year or two and the novelty has worn off. Stressful, expensive, dangerous. I would rather take trains, get stuff delivered and have a day every year or so with a powerful car alone on a racetrack.

I really hated learning how to drive, because I'm good at learning things in a knowledge type way, but that was little help with learning how to drive. I'm not very good at being not very good at things, which sounds like a humble brag, but it actually means I get frustrated and find it hard to stick with things I don't immediately click with.

It took me a decent while before driving began to feel more natural, but it did get easier; one of the changes I noticed as I improved was I gradually came to treat the mirrors as an extension of my visual perception rather than things I needed to remind myself to check (this also meant I preferred reversing for tight manoeuvres, because the mirrors meant I could better gauge my "vehicular proprioception", so to speak (how close I was to other stuff))

None of this will make your quest any easier, because the process does take time and it sucks for the majority of that. However, I hope you take some comfort in knowing that this certainly isn't a you-problem.

It will get much better over time but it always kind of sucks. I highly recommend reorganizing your life to avoid driving as much as possible if you can. The less you do it, the happier you’ll be.

It gets better as you gain experience and it becomes like a part of you. In the same way you don think about extending the arm, opening and closing the hand when picking an object, when shifting a gear is the same, you don’t perform all the steps or movements like independent tasks that need all your attention, it just becomes “shift up/down”.

In my first practice lesson I panicked with the all things to take care off, and I didn’t move more than five meters in a speed that the needle detected.

The clutch is not something that goes by precision, is about feelings, with the noise from the motor, the clutch pedal vibrations, the response from the vehicle… I is telling you what to do, in the end is feelings and muscle memory.

Take your time to practice and relax.

One thing that helped me relax when learning to drive: 99% of the time you only need to worry about what's directly in front of you. Unless you're changing lanes or backing up that's your main priority. Yeah it's good to be a defensive driver and anticipate things and that will come with time. Don't be overstimulated by every detail around you, know what to focus on. I hope this helps you relax like it did me

I remember that feeling. It goes by with experience. I love driving and I'd never buy an automatic as long as there's a manual alternative.

Omg, stop whining. Do or do not, there is no try. If you don't want to drive, then why are you doing this?

Driving is one of the easiest things you'll ever do in life (wspeckally with cars built after about 1990).

If learning how to drive is this difficult for you, what are you going to do when something truly difficult comes along?

Being car free is totally possible.

Lol, OK, you do you.

And I hate automatic. After a few weeks or months, you won't even realize there's a clutch or shift. It's actually easier, as with automatics I have to actually look at it to determine which gear I am in, eg. reverse or drive.

A good way to learn the friction point of a clutch is to find some flat ground (somewhere you can practice and not worry about traffic or pedestrians) and come to a complete stop.

Put the car into first gear and without touching the accelerator or brake, very, very slowly bring the clutch pedal up. You'll feel the engine begin to bog down the further the pedal comes off the floor. Push the clutch back down and repeat until you feel comfortable with where the clutch is "catching".

Once you can reliably find this spot in the clutch pedal's travel, begin adding in some throttle to help you take off a little quicker.

I've taught others to drive manual and this is a good way to build the muscle memory that helps when driving on the road so you don't have to think about it.

Maybe that helps but either way good luck on your journey!

Manual transmissions are operated almost entirely by "feel". Once that sinks in, it's a lot easier.

If you can, go find a quiet street, parking lot, or any place with an incline. Practice stopping in the middle of the incline and taking off without stalling. Don't stress out when you inevitably stall. You will and that's ok. If you can master starting on a hill, you'll find that the rest of it comes a lot easier.

With the transmision in 1st and your foot on the brake, release the clutch very slowly until the engine starts dragging just a little. Slowly take your foot off the brake. You'll know the clutch is in the right spot if it keeps you from rolling backwards. At that point, start to accelerate and let the clutch out slowly. Continue to accelerate and up the hill you go.

Don't hesitate to hit the brakes at any time if you feel like you're going to roll backwards. Better to stall than to roll back into someone behind you. Depending on the gearing, you may be able to start in 2nd and that will keep you from having to worry about shifting in the middle of the hill.

Don't panic. Learning is good. If someone gets upset with you because you're inexperienced and stall out then screw them. They should try to remember what it was like to learn how to drive. It just takes practice, practice, and more practice.