Platypus

Time ago I asked about what sex feels like... Now I want to know the more sentimental part what is like... Curious

For me is like my body can't decide, sometimes I can, sometimes I wake up exhausted.

35 M.

My depression and loneliness had fucked me over enough last year and since I quit my abusive job (underpaid, boss screaming at job, no benefits, hated everyone, shit conditions) things aren't getting better. The fact I can't get a job even at a fast food sucks (some of you Americans complain about having that job, you're LUCKY to have that)... Job apps don't work or always ask for experience, I can't even get an Amazon warehouse job. Nobody calls and no, you can't just knock random doors of business expecting to give you a job, even worse if you're an immigrant.

My mother has enough of me living with them and I can't blame her I'm old ass virgin dude that will never get married but seems that everything is against me and I'll never move out. The world decided to just fuck me over. Again, the fact I can't get a job is killing me. And no, I don't have money for studies and this country doesn't offer trade jobs education for people like me, I need the money NOW. Shit, I controlled this shitty town web page and hasn't been updated in a year. The job help is a joke.

Sometimes I googled painless ways to die.

Moi? I use currently a NOTE 20 ultra 5g. Probably my second best phone, I only hate the fact it's so massive (I miss being able to use just one hand for my phone) and the mediocre battery life for someone like me that watches a lot of videos. But the S pen is so handy those few times you need it.

AKA please, don't tell me "get professional help". Poor people can't afford it anyways.

Because I honestly can't. I can barely talk with the very few people I know. Is just so out of my range. That's why I don't have friends or a partner and I don't see that changing.

EDIT: no, responding comments here or asking this question ISN'T having a conversation for me. So I don't feel this as "progress".

I do it almost every day watching porn, since there's no chance I'll ever have sex. And I'm trying to stop, but I just need it FFS, is the only type of solace and satisfaction I can get in my life. I wish I could just sleep forever.

I'm aware that I'm worthless but still can't turn off that libido or sexual desire and is killing me. Another thing to add to the list of failures as an male adult.

No job, own place, car, friends, virgin. Why am I even alive?

I saw that other post about worst dates and honestly can't relate since I've never dated anyone, I just wanted to know if I was the only one here. That's it, you don't have to go deeper if you don't want to