Use their address to sign up for junk mail. Political, lgbt, whatever your friend thinks this guy may not like.
this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2024
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You want to ruin someone's life? Plant some fucking greenbriar on the property. Genus Smilax. Thorny vines that grow from rhizome-like tubers in the ground. Grows a little slower than kudzu but I'd rather be around kudzu. Harder to eradicate than white supremacy. Once it's got it's little tumors in your soil, it's over forever. It'll sent shoots out just under the grass to spread out like strawberries. If you get both genders of the plant in one place, the females will grow berries that the birds eat and then they'll shit the seeds everywhere, the complicit little fuckpukes. If you don't dig up ALL the plant, it'll just grow back harder. I've seen them strangle a dogwood tree to death. They'll grow 40 feet high if they've got something to climb. There is no commercial, medical or craft use for them. The leaves have a waxy coating that protects them from herbicide. I haven't tried fire yet but it probably won't work.
Roundup a big dick into the grass. Won't show up for a week.
Nah, hot day? It'll show up same day.
Put a yard sign up that says "future home of thousand wags dangerous animal shelter and child sex offender rehabilitation facility"
If your, erm, "friend" is planning to but has not sold ~~your~~ his house, then this is an even more terrible idea that asks for trouble.
What, you think I don't have any friends? Sigh. You are mostly correct. But I have this one.
He's been renting for years. He's definitely moving. All clear.
I didn't mean to imply you have no friends, so sorry if you got that impression
If Canadian, chuck a bag of milk in his eavestroughing. The heat will rot the milk and the bag will degrade in the sun till one day it fails, releasing STANK.
why is milk sold in a bag
Why is unknown but the answer is Canada.
Who hurt you?
"Gutters" for anyone else about to look up "eavestroughing"
Make him a cherry pie and leave it on the porch.
This is deliciously dastardly!
Won't it leave a smile on his face 10 miles wide...?
Enemy pie?
Neighbor pie
Throw wildflower seeds (non invasive) over onto his perfectly manicured yard.
Another one is a long con: befriend crows, get them to come to your friend's house to feed. The neighbor will likely sho them away which will aggravate them. Crows hold grudges for a REALLY long time and only shit where they don't eat, aka his yard.
Wildflowers are pretty :(
Plant a single piece of bamboo in a little used area near his lawn. By the time he notices it. He will never get rid of it
I live in Japan and I just go over any that pops up with the lawnmower like I would normal grass. Unless you let it get big, you won't even notice it was there.
Doesn't that leave hard little bamboo blades sticking out at grass level, waiting to stab you into the feet when you walk barefoot?
I have murder hornets and a number of biting insects and venomous snakes and toads. I'm also allergic to grass. No barefoot walking for me.
That said, I've never noticed any. There are multiple varieties of bamboo with a number of different strengths and properties.
Edit: forgot venomous spiders.
Remind me again why you live where you do?
It's otherwise fantastic. More specifically, I wanted to farm and move somewhere cooler than Tokyo, particularly in light of global temperatures rising.
So you moved to Australia? :D
Haha, I considered making that reference as well. Rural Japan do be like that, though
Didn't know Japan had venomous animals at all
We definitely do. Especially on the more tropical Okinawan islands (Iriomote island is amazingly beautiful and mostly wild jungle). Even where I live (about an hour north of Tokyo station on the bullet trains) we have venomous snakes, one of which is pretty bad (and was hanging out in my carport one day). The toads are venomous (which is though to be how one of the snakes actually becomes venomous as they eat them) but pose no real threat to humans. We have all kinds of bugs such as mukade (millipedes), biting ants, beetles, and various biting flies and wasps. Murder hornets (technically giant asian hornets) are native to the region.
Lol, every time I read something like this I am again thankful for the rather tame fauna found here in Germany. The only thing that might kill you are wild boars
Oh, we have those, too. And bears.
Every time a bear decides to cross the border (usually in bavaria) it gets declared a 'Problembär' and is shot :shrug:, but we do have wolves again, which is cool, although the conservative (lol) forces are trying to get rid of those too already
Bear hunting is a fairly normal thing up here and helps keep the population down. I've eaten bear hunted by an acquaintance. It's not an issue near me yet, but a lot of the more depopulated areas are having bigger issues with bears for the remaining (often elderly) residents.
We don't have wolves in my area that I know of. We do have two types of deer, tanuki, something kinda like mink, fox, boar, and some other rodents. We might have monkeys in the more mountainous areas, but I've not seen any up here so far.
I guess Japans geography allows for a lot more undeveloped regions where wild animal can thrive and live without bothering anyone. Here we mostly have flat land and due to the heavy settling for almost 2000 years there's little untouched nature left.
The population has been falling in recent decades with down to 100 million predicted by 2050. Since almost all the jobs are in the big cities, young people go for uni or trade school and almost never move back. Whole areas are just being reclaimed by nature
Yes, but if it doesn't match the lawn he's growing it will still drive him nuts
How about mint?
Bamboo is a gift for everyone around you.
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