this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2024
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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Him: Hey, when you're out camping, do you enjoy it when you wake up in the morning and water vapor condensers on your lenses?

Me: DEW EYE?!?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?

Because she's always running away from balls

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Choking noise (🍆)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Why can't a dog dance?

Because it has two left feet.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Heh. Popsickle.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Never break more than one rule at a time. Example: don't drive drunk if you're black.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Two fish in a tank.

One turned to the other and asked; "How do we drive this thing?"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

A skeleton walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out, man.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Timing.

What is the most important aspect to remember when telling a joke?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

what's red and smells like blue paint?

red paint.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Brian and Bob were walking through the forest when they came across a set of tracks.

"Those are cougar tracks!" Bob exclaimed.

"Hell, no! Those are coyote tracks." Brain said.

"I'm tellin' you, I've been out in these woods since I was little, and those are cougar tracks!"

"There's no cougars in this part of the country. Those are coyote tracks!"

Then they both got hit by a train.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

How do blind skydivers know when to deploy their chute?

When the leash goes slack.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

What do you get when you pull the wings off of a fly?

A walk.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

What's pink, weighs a ton, and drags at the bottom of the ocean?

AnswerMoby's dick.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Coque... say that word

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Why can't your nose by 12 inches long? Then it would be a foot.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he had no body to go with!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Why didn't two go to the party?

Because he had no one to go with.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guys asked them if they are ok?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Here is a derivative of that one:

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Bob and Doug are building a fence.

Bob is throwing away half the nails.

Doug asks "Why are you throwing away the nails.

Bob replies "The heads are on the wrong end"

Doug shakes his head and says "Stupid, use those nails on the other side of the fence"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

A guy walks into a bar and he says 'ow'.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

Me: Mind if I ask you a question?

Random person: Sure.

Me: Great, can I ask another?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

I dipped my balls in glitter.

Pretty nuts, right?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella?

For drizzle

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

I've heard it as:

What does Snoop call light rain?

Drizzle

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

If it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Why do chicken lay eggs?

The eggs would break if they threw them.

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