Him: Hey, when you're out camping, do you enjoy it when you wake up in the morning and water vapor condensers on your lenses?
Me: DEW EYE?!?
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Him: Hey, when you're out camping, do you enjoy it when you wake up in the morning and water vapor condensers on your lenses?
Me: DEW EYE?!?
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she's always running away from balls
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
Choking noise (🍆)
Why can't a dog dance?
Because it has two left feet.
Heh. Popsickle.
Never break more than one rule at a time. Example: don't drive drunk if you're black.
Two fish in a tank.
One turned to the other and asked; "How do we drive this thing?"
A skeleton walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop.
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
He was too far out, man.
Timing.
What is the most important aspect to remember when telling a joke?
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work
what's red and smells like blue paint?
red paint.
Brian and Bob were walking through the forest when they came across a set of tracks.
"Those are cougar tracks!" Bob exclaimed.
"Hell, no! Those are coyote tracks." Brain said.
"I'm tellin' you, I've been out in these woods since I was little, and those are cougar tracks!"
"There's no cougars in this part of the country. Those are coyote tracks!"
Then they both got hit by a train.
How do blind skydivers know when to deploy their chute?
When the leash goes slack.
What do you get when you pull the wings off of a fly?
A walk.
What's pink, weighs a ton, and drags at the bottom of the ocean?
Answer
Moby's dick.
Coque... say that word
Why can't your nose by 12 inches long? Then it would be a foot.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with!
Why didn't two go to the party?
Because he had no one to go with.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guys asked them if they are ok?
Here is a derivative of that one:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducked.
Bob and Doug are building a fence.
Bob is throwing away half the nails.
Doug asks "Why are you throwing away the nails.
Bob replies "The heads are on the wrong end"
Doug shakes his head and says "Stupid, use those nails on the other side of the fence"
A guy walks into a bar and he says 'ow'.
Me: Mind if I ask you a question?
Random person: Sure.
Me: Great, can I ask another?
I dipped my balls in glitter.
Pretty nuts, right?
Why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella?
For drizzle
I've heard it as:
What does Snoop call light rain?
Drizzle
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
If it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
Why do chicken lay eggs?
The eggs would break if they threw them.