this post was submitted on 05 Jul 2024
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"How do I make the no-no thing be a yes-yes thing?!" (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Our DnD discord group has a whole ass 'out of context' channel. Best decision we've ever made, granted half of them is my character, the party clown. Here are some other bangers over the years:

  • "She knows how to ride a clippity clop."
  • "Ah so you want it so when you die there's a magical turfwar over your body."
  • "the horse is a horse....i dont think he understands the concepts"
  • "It's not Delivery, it's Human Trafficking!"
  • "Don't tell my dad I died for toenails"
  • "It's pulsating. It shouldn't be because it's a fucking rock."
  • "Jesus Christ! I mean... Bahamut Jr!"
  • "There was a scary forest!" "SCARY FOREST IS NOT AN ANSWER"
  • "That's Renn! He's like a dead squirrel."
  • "Who wants to do coke with the illithid?"
  • "I agree, other voice in my head."
  • "When a corpse bee and another corpse bee love each other and don't dance..."
  • "I emotionally abuse you and you bring me waffles. Thanks babe."
  • "Does your house have a garden?" "Probably."
  • "Should I go... unwhisk it?"
  • "I heard it from the Oracle Beyoncé."
  • "HOW DO YOU LISTEN TO AN EAR?!"
  • "I'm sorry Renn, I love you, but fuck the rich."
  • "I forgot that we have one brain cell in the party and it currently blinked away."
  • "We can have one little terrorism. As a treat."
  • "Hey, it's not our fault this Earth Elemental is made of door."
  • "Roll a d20." "10." "...fuck." "Does that fuck up your plans or mine? (Panicking)" "Yours." "...fuck!"
  • "If you would be inclined for a little adventure today, would you mind following me? Oh and it's mandatory because I've already made arrangements."
  • "Can we just like acknowledge that she just did the anime "Oh ho ho ho!" laugh when you called her out on that?"
  • "You ripping peoples faces off, that's entirely on you. Get some help."
  • "I'm-uh-w-Lady.... I'm not above hitting a woman."
  • "I have cocaine, does that count?"
  • You ate a goodberry so you should be full for the rest of the day" "True" "Well you can be full and a fatass" "Just shut up and play your silly little game with your silly little characters and don't come for me like that"
  • "Does a 26 hit?" "... fuck you.".
  • "Why doesn't Misty have a mustache?"
  • "No matter who you play you gotta either fuck with his body or his heart!"
  • "The undead not dead thing is right" "Please call me Renn" "I'll never remember that" "It's literally shorter"
  • "Why must I be surrounded by lesbians? ... I fear your kind." (For the record this was said by both a gay character and player)
  • "Can I pick up Renn? He's a twink, right?"
  • "You're a second rate duelist with a third rate meal"
  • "Just gives me the confidence that she would choke me"

Okay sorry I ended up pasting way more in than I expected.... I just love this group and don't get to share these with anyone. Just such ridiculous nonsense.

Edit: Also I just remembered. I actually do have the context for that 'no no thing' line. That one is mine from my 7'2 barbarian aarakocra jokey boy. We recorded parts of sessions and caught the no no thing bit. Here if you wanna listen to it. although I don't blame you the slightest if you don't.

I've also got a stupidly long soundcloud clip of highlights from a game a couple months ago here. It includes a bunch of the quotes pasted above.

Check out [email protected] for more!

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

"it's not a nuke, is just a AOE building remover"

"we need a bigger nuke"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

@nothacking @Stamets @rpgmemes
Thats just dnd in general right there

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Man, we ended up setting up a wiki for all the ones from my last campaign... it's down at the moment, but here are a few I have saved on my phone:

"My companions and I are professional adventurers"

"Some of us more professional than others..."

"For no sexy reason, what does the pope look like?"

"Also, I'm not doing terrible! But I definitely just got stabbed."

Bard: "No, this is wholesome [Bard] moment! Anyway, how much money do you have?"

Sorcerer: "[Ranger], we are about to do some wacky-ass magic"

Ranger: "In that case, I would like to watch it from over there."

Sorcerer: "I will not be doing it. I will be joining you."

GM: "Divine and wild magic start pouring into and it's like... Have you ever licked a battery?"

GM: "Divine, chaos, and dragon magic flows through you—"

Bard: "And bardic from the inspiration!"

Ranger: "Oh I can add some ranger nature!"

Sorcerer: "And I have one that can help! I cast minor illusion to make a "do not disturb" sign."

"If I take one more step, it'll be the furthest I've ever been from home..."

"You didn't even have to step."

"If I take one more interdimensional vortex..."

"Your left or my left? You're an orb."

"I am."

"Float like a flowerpot, sting like a school bus."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

“Birdie, I need a pipe bomb”

NPC: “It’s my job” Player: “everybody check your asses for bugs!”

“Why TF does it have thoughts, it’s not Rattatootoot”

(In the thickest Russian accent): “Still your fault, fuck you!”

“Fuck it, all the gnomes are French now, hon hon hon motherfucker”

P1: ”He checked my dick, my dick was fine” P2: ‘He sucked it dry it was so sublime’

”Can I store things in the dog?”

NPC: “Where are you going to get a baby dragon?” Player: “We’re going to make one”

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I take the boner pills.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

Me: So my hands are bound?

DM: Yes.

Me: And I'm under the influence of a "Command"-like spell?

DM: Yes.

Me: And the command is to follow them to the prison?

DM: Yes.

Me: I'd like to try and fall on my face, beard first.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago (2 children)

"I cast longsword!"

"Does the paladin's piss count as holy water?"

"You described the mech as being similar to a Gundam. So it's a mobile suit? Does that mean I'm technically wearing it on my person?"

"Watch out for the ass-grabbing ghosts!"

"I struggle like a dog being given a pill."

"No, don't activate your telepathy! I don't want your mind-herpes!"

"Wait, why is a duck that lays eggs named Mr. Quackers?" "Mr. Quackers can be whatever he wants!"

"I cast Prestidigitation and pee his pants."

"Hey Nyarlathotep, wanna see something funny?"

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

“Ok you did an excellent and flawless swing

Unfortunately the enemy is 100 feet away so you missed”

“Oh”

“Also they attack aaaand…. You’re dead”

“Oh”

Because i am incapable of giving no context

Tap for spoilerIt was my first time playing DnD and the DM wasn’t the nicest person so I didn’t get a good first impression of the game but I should really get into it at some point

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

"It's just a rocket launcher inside a small room. How bad can the results be?"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

"i thought this plan was foolproof, but i genuinely forgot about doors"

[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 months ago

From Divinity Original Sin 2 co-op. Not my campaign, but I was wheezing for five minutes from this:

"So are we the bad guys?"
"I don't know, but I'm about to kill her with her own dad."

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago

  • Can the bread make a will save?

  • No, you're still prone. You used Dimension Slide, not Dimension Rotate.

  • Will a Limited Wish spell prevent you from being brain damaged?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

"why are you so blessedly free of snot?"

We used to keep a quote book of these random acts of hilarity... Good times.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

In a Palpatine voice: "Spicy beef"
"Have you ever thought 'I'm kinda hungry, but not hungry enough to eat a whole potato'?"
"I don't like the wanking corner"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"Have you ever thought 'I'm kinda hungry, but not hungry enough to eat a whole potato'?"

That's blasphemy at our table.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

ContextHe was inventing crisps, and that was his sales pitch.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 4 months ago (1 children)

From Shadowrun but still...

"Its not terrorism, its a distract spell thats materials involve C4 and a bridge"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

I'm a simple man. I see Shadowrun. I upvote.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"We're the harem inspectors."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Are we playing the same campaign? Lol

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (2 children)

"Come on, I know you have a soul for some fucking reason! Fess up! Who's your daddy?"

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

"Give me a hit from the corpse bong."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

I never said that ring was for your finger

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

“Would a handjob be a dexterity roll?”

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Player character is presented with his twin brother‘s corpse on a platter.

„Hmmm… needs more oregano.“

Paging @Jesus_[email protected] for more from that campaign because I‘m tired and can’t think of any but there was a lot.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)
  • "You can't pass through here. We're waiting for the inquisition." - "We are the inquisition." sets fire to the stakes and immediately moves on (No, they weren't the inquisition.)
  • "What is this summoning circle supposed to be? It's all smudged! Did you tip over that candle and just put it up again without fixing the circle? Did you reuse this circle? Is that a lump of unsecured unmetal over there on the table? Have you idiots ever heard anything of elementary workplace safety?!" (Said after a demon summoning by the demon the PCs summoned. For reference, unmetal has the bad habit of going nuclear if exposed to too much magic.)
  • "You haven't lived until you've done a jumping puzzle in a non-Euclidean space."
  • "What is your opinion on trees?" - "Trees... are."
  • "Talk to the hand." (A demonologist trying to banish one of the most powerful entities in the setting with a low-end banishment spell and a pentagram scrawled into his palm.)

That's all I can think of right now because also tired. But yeah, that campaign was wild.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Do you think it has a cloaca or the normal two holes... Wait what do lizards have? .... Discussion before attacking a green dragon.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago

"If he seduces something from the mineral kingdom now, he's collected the whole set."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

"No, I'm annoyed. But the guy eating my arm? He's pissed. Meet the Flaming Asshole of Azzazoth."

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago

“Shut the door, things are gonna get weird”

[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

"Is it okay if I have an anger problem?"

"I shout at the door."

"I lift the spyglass so my rat can see."

"Does the rat look through the spyglass?"

"It's hard to tell."

"I aim the paper airplane at the crowd."

"IS CHILD ABUSE WRONG? LIKE ME CHECK MY CHAIM.

...

NO."

"Is there a cat nearby?"

"Like, a normal cat?"

"Yeah."

"It's a mansion, I don't see why not. Yeah, let's say there's a cat."

"Is anyone looking?"

[DM, suddenly filled with concern] "... no...?"

"I will teach these halfling savages the meaning of private property!"

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I can hear the worried concern in that DM "...no...?"

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

He was appalled by my decision to punt the cat, and the 17 I rolled before he could object, but in my defense, I was playing a ratman.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago

"I could feed him my candy cane to revive him"

[–] [email protected] 50 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I guess this isn't NO context but:

Innkeeper married to a nixie: “The Fey never do anything without a price...”

“... How much did you pay for your wife?”

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago

What kind of man buys another man juice?!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

"Well, you see, the dragon killed thousands, indirectly through their cold buns"

[–] [email protected] 52 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

"But I don't have a cloaca."

Context, if you want it:

spoilerI was playing a frost giant fighter, and I found a dragon egg. I asked the town vet (who the DM made up on the spot) how I could hatch the egg and raise the dragon as my own. The vet told me that dragons cannot be tamed, and that dragons bond with their mothers in the womb, and then, the egg must be laid. My line, "But I don't have a cloaca", and the vet shrugs. Queue Always Sunny theme music, "The Gang Kidnaps a Druid". In the end, I gave birth to my dragon buddy, and I named him Pellinore, and we had many great adventures until I found a bell that reversed aging, and Pellinore turned back into an egg, and the campaign ended before he hatched, again. I'm GMing the new campaign that is all homebrew, and Pellinore is making a comeback, though.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

"In my experience, magic doesn't like metal. It needs to be flesh."

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

We just fished a fire shark!

[–] [email protected] 56 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

  • "if I die, I die holding vampire smut"

  • "I guess he's going to fist fight the helicopter"

[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 months ago (3 children)

"Is this because we didn't have sex yet?"

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

I'm sorry you were born pretty!

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