RPGMemes

We’re all in a B-26 waiting to perform a HALO jump

GM: The “go-no-go” light is red Player #1: I jump… Player #2: aren’t we supposed to wait for the green light?

I'm running out of the house screaming like a banshee that just discovered cocaine.

"The monk is dodging a rave!?"

"I am the ring of ram, now strap me to the ballista"

"The paladin doesn't know, put it on his tab"

"How many rats can I keep on me?"

"All right, it seems that Bob cannot speak, so instead we're going to talk to the next best thing: The chair"

Context: Bob was a guy that was imprisoned on a chair of living wood at a living wood teatable. When he tried to speak, flowers came out of his mouth instead. This sentence was uttered by our bard when he asked the druid to cast Speak with Plants on the living chair.

Me, the DM: You return from behind the tent, nude. Elyse the Erinyes returns from behind the tent wearing your clothing. The ogre returns from behind the tent wearing her clothing.

It's the French you made along the way.

Wanting to fuck your sister isn't a good enough excise to do a genocide.

The first line in one of my campaigns from a player:

"It seems you have been given the test of race, and you have failed"

His hammer, not more than one standard deviation from average...

Oi kid, wanna have some candy?

Roll 9

DM: Ok you have a 9", ribbed pink Zeltronian cock

“Yes, I know the door is locked. I open it anyway.”

"You are now using a piece of shit like a bar of soap while humming a tune." "Dave swings his hammer at you, misses, and hits himself in the face, dying instantly."

"The troll bouncer is gay. Your attempt to seduce him fails and he puts you in a headlock."

We play over, whatever video conference program Google uses, it has auto transcription as a "service" (fuck you Google, but thanks for the ability to connect with friends I guess? Mind your own game business though please?)

When we take breaks sometime we read the logs and try to figure out what was actually said from the "transcript" it's delightful in its incompetence, we sometimes find ourselves reading the chat logs more than rolling the dice.

• "Does my gaydar tell me anything about how to get back to civilisation?"
• "Listen up, Poundland-Sundowner"
• "So wait, I blew up the mayor's house and my punishment is I'm made into a college professor?"
• "Now back to mare's milk"

I’m a mod over at [email protected] and would love to see some activity! I started it to keep track of some of my own group’s quotes, but the group has been on a two week break for the past four or five months now.

"DM, are we on drugs?"

This is excellent. Bahamut junior got me.

I have several, but my favorite is probably "I am this group's current resident expert on whatever the hell that thing is!"

Fuck you, Kim. Respectfully.

• "I think that Ashenthroat guy might be a Dragon in disguise"
• "Kill it!!! But don't hurt it, awwww."
• "Don't worry GM, I wont make you improvise info on every single soldier NPC. - Ok, so you there, what's your name and why are you here?"
• "If we take every hostile NPC we come across prisoner to await a 100% death-sentence, instead of killing them here and now, we'll have to start building concentration camps soon and I don't know if that's actually better or worse."
• "Maybe don't kill the beast?" - "Too late, running now!"
• "Gentlemen, can't we solve this peacefully?" - "Yes, of course, we're always ready to talk. But only if it ends with you dead." - "You seemed to have missed the point there."

If all four of us work together we could drag the door.

My character hasn't noticed the living bushes and decides to take his morning shit behind them

DM: not sure if I should count this as an attack

In a oneshot of Monster Of The Week:

"Did The Organisation^TM^ supply us with a flamethrower?"

"How is this bow cursed? We built it ourselves... with sinew from a drow... that we tortured to death. Yeah, okay. It's cursed."

This isn't strictly no context, but it blew me away and I wanted to share it anyway.

I started D&D with the family over quarantine. They had a quest to clear the goblins out of a mine. They got inside and dealt with most of them. They over powered three of them and tied them up, so that they could be interrogated.

My 9 year old then decides he wants to murder them.

Our faces when we realised our child was a murderhobo.

• "there are no werewolves in the god damn park"
• "Fuck you I'm going to the Prince for this"..."ow hey why are you hitting me!?"
• "This has been a weirdly sexual night"
• "The sword of Cain has fallen and it fell where it pleased!"
• "If you do that you're gonna have to drop your alignment to chaotic evil"
• "Turns out i can afford a rocket launcher"

"I'm going to walk back to the lake to have an existential crisis. Oh and on the way I cast Polymorph and turn our Ranger into a spider."