Asklemmy

I am very nice. I could probably be kinder, but I think if I was I'd be letting myself get walked on and stuff, so I don't think it's all that good to be too polite.

I'd say I'm optimistic, hopeful, and we'll intentioned but it's been many a year since I've felt "nice". Something shifted in society during the Covid era and I just feel awful going out of my way for most people these days. Very much in the "every person for themselves" category.

Depends what you mean by "nice". Nice as in "genuinely good" person, or nice as a "nice behavior towards others"? There's a difference, because in the latter one, it can involve not being honest, just so you can appear "nice". So I'm not "nicely socially behaving" most of the time, I'm instead hammering with facts (without being aggressive). My underlying reason for being like that is because: 1. I'm not diplomatic at all, I wasn't born with that gene it seems, 2. I don't believe I help the situation if I just be nice for the sake of being nice. I feel more useful when I'm straight up, clear as water, without being combative or aggressive. If that makes me not nice because I'm not sugarcoating with socially expected bullshit, then I'm not nice. If that makes me nice because I try to help and my intent is pure, then sure, I'm nice.

Kind. I try to be a kind person. Sometimes I fail. Too many people argue the being "nice" is merely a superficial term.

I'm nice to service workers. I am not nice to people on the freeway. Take from that what you will.

Yes, I try to be. I can't be an asshole, I feel really bad about it. I have had to be the cruel person and the liar a handful of times, and I hate to do it. But it is what it is. I look at someone like Elon Musk as the embodiment of a "terrible person" and do the opposite of him.

I am definitely not a narcissist, I am definitely not self-centered, and I am definitely not cruel.

I'm not a bad person. That's all I really care about.

I think so. I'm kind and caring, I have really great friends who wouldn't be if I wasn't also a genuinely good person.

I haven't always been but I always tried to be. For a long time I was really chaotic and had some personal issues that made it hard for me to like actually follow through with it. But I worked on myself a lot and I continue to. I still fuck up and I'm sure there's people who think I'm a dick. But for the most part I'm a nice, kind person

A lot of people in this thread appear to be pretty hard on themselves. There seems to be a trend of people who want to be nice, are trying to be nice, but don't see themselves as nice. If that sounds like you, then I've got some good news for you:

You are a nice person.

If you're sincerely making the effort to be a better person then that's admirable. Self improvement is hard. Too often people are quick to judge based on the result of your actions rather than the effort that's put into them. To put it another way, we judge people by their actions but judge ourselves by our intentions.

Treat yourself to the niceness that you're trying to show to other people. You're doing the best you can. You're trying to be a nicer person which means you're trying to grow. From tiny seedlings grow mighty oaks, and the seedling shouldn't be shamed for starting its journey. Rather, it should be encouraged to keep growing.

If you find it difficult to be nice, but you're trying to be a nice person, I'd say that's a lot nicer than being the person who dismisses another for not being 'nice' enough.

No. I know people who are genuinely nice, and I don't compare to that. I am, for the most part, trying to be a very relaxed person though, and my benign apathy has sometimes been described as "nice".

I believe I'm reasonable (most people would believe this of themselves though). I try to be a respectful person. IDK about "nice" though. I would classify one of my friends as a genuinely wholesome and nice person, whom I envy and look up too. The deficiency between him and myself is why I probably wouldn't consider myself nice. I hold myself to the standard that I see from him and I'm not there.

Other people seem to think so, but I am not any nicer on the outside than on the inside, not unfailingly polite and certainly get defensive sometimes.

So I am going to say yes because what's on the outside is what I feel in the inside, and people think I am nice.

I have a different take: I try to not be an unpleasant person.

I suffer from a particularly nasty Voltron of ADD and Asperger’s. High-functioning, yes. But it’s still a non-trivial level of neurological fuckery. This means that my social actions and reactions are… different. Sometimes they deviate significantly from the socially accepted baseline. So to be “nice”? What is nice? How to categorize that, measure that, evaluate that? “Nice” could be different for each person I come across.

So to avoid driving myself crazy, I have flipped things and simply concentrated on not being an unpleasant person. To not be rude, not disrespectful, not frightening or combative or creepy. It ends up being a little easier to categorize, define, and measure in that regard, because it involves not doing something instead of doing something. It is avoiding a baseline instead of trying to meet it.

Nope. I'm thinking of taking acting classes or something because I try to be nice and it doesn't come across that way at all.

Nope. I actually never want to be described as nice.

Fair, though? Yes, I would like to think that I am fair.

I try not to be but sometimes I can't help myself.

I have some very serious mood swings. Generally, I'm pretty nice. But if I'm in a bad mood, I turn into a very rude person.

Wow, I really need therapy, don't I?

I like to think so. I put a lot of effort into trying to be someone I would want to be friends with, and there are times I slip up of course, but generally I think of myself as someone who is nice.

Yes

I try to be. Don’t always succeed, never recognize when I do, but try so hard my wife makes me stop martyring myself for others

Fuck you mind your own business.

I don't care about being "nice," I try very hard to be good and sometimes that comes off as "nice," but generally being good improves my life, the life of my loved ones, the life of my community, and sometimes even the world, if only very little.

Evil people can be nice too, is the problem.

i want and try to be but i don't succeed every day. i hate thinking about those times when i don't succeed, but being mindful of those times is a big part of what i can do to succeed more often.

Nice to a fault. I think it's because I try to be the person I always wish I would have had access to because I've never really had any support from anyone.

Nah I'm not nice though I am considerate. I'm not socially... apt.. but I know how to act.

I’m not a “nice guy”.

I like to think I am.

I'd like to think so, most of the time.

But one of the important lesson I learned is that you can't be too nice at work, you have to put your foot down sometimes, otherwise people would just walk all over you and nothing gets done.

I don't like it, but it is what it is.

No.

I do nice things for other people when I'm up to it, but I hesitate to call myself a 'nice person' because niceness isn't necessarily an intrinsic quality, in the same way that I can be a transient dumbass at times without thinking of myself as an idiot.

I think I am. I think I'm nicer than most people (cringing at myself for saying that but I can't think of a humbler way to phrase it while still being honest).

No. I can be kind but I am not nice.

I can be, but am not always. I actually find niceness to be a highly overvalued character trait. Some of the most back stabbing, manipulative, wishy washy, fake people I have ever known were incredibly nice. In fact, they used their niceness as a shield and mask for their awful character traits. Took a long time to realize that niceness is not so important. Far more important are loyalty, reliability, willingness to admit fault, willingness to listen, and so on. Niceness is just basic human civility. I don't care how nice you are if you are a manipulative and fake.

not always :(

Most the time, but not all the time.

I'm not a nice person. I'm not a kind person. I'm not even a good person. I try to be all of those things and sometimes it feels like a struggle. I don't think I'm evil or a total asshole or a sociopath or something. I just think it a metric we have to constantly check-in on and adjust. I don't really trust people that think of themselves as nice, kind, or good. I don't think I really agree with those people about what it really means to be nice, kind, or good. For example, I do believe the song got it right, sometimes you do need to be cruel to be kind in the right measure.

My students always say I am. They seem so confused when they find out their actions still have consequences in my classroom.

Definitely not

I think I'm nice. I care, look out for others, and try to be considerate.

I am very laid back (my Dad always said I was nearly horizontal) and I never get angry, I rarely even get flustered or impatient. My Dad was a very good man and I try to follow his example as much as possible. As his health declined and I started caring for him (a real privilege as he helped so many it was only just that he got help in return when he needed it, even if it couldn't possibly fully pay him back) and, as I picked up some of his slack I did wonder where he found the time or energy. Since he died, I have felt like a sheepdog without a flock and have found myself adopting various people - I helped a friend through her cancer journey and her son start university, I took another friend to hospital sufficiently often that she just told the staff I was her "hospital husband" (which did stop them asking questions, usually with a roll of the eyes) and, as I don't drink, I ferry people home from the pub.

However, I can be... thoughtless and this can be really annoying, especially to the easily angered - I've lost a friend over it and my brother isn't exactly my greatest fan (the other year, my niece asked if I wanted to know all the nasty things my brother said about me and I declined - if we knew what people thought about us, we'd tear each other apart). I can also be rude to people but just where it's funny, you just have to know your audience (it can appal any bystanders though). I'm also not very emotionally expressive and I suspect at least one friend thinks I'm a sociopath.

So am I nice? Although it might depend on who you ask, I'd say no. However, I try to do as much good as possible - if anyone needs help, I'll drop what I'm doing and pitch in.