This was the funniest story I have ever had
this post was submitted on 19 Jun 2025
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Greentext
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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
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Funniest story so far!
I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭
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How to pass the 3 day no poop challenge! And then some.
Bro forgot to drink more water too
you don't necessarily have to trink water, I eat mostly soup and am just fine because of this, even without drinking water
You know you're just drinking spicy water when eating soup, right?
no I'm not drinking, I'm eating
- I like my water like I like my vitamins. CHEWABLE
something something bottled water left in the sun something microplastics.
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This is one of my favorite greentexts ever
DRINK MORE WATEEEEER!!
Fiber is great, but in general, going from low to high fiber too quickly can do all kinds of gastrointestinal trouble, your microbiome has to adjust - and fiber supplements especially, if taken not as instructed, can indeed cause more severe complications like blockage.
If you don't poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at. Anon got lucky it resolved on its own with a nice story to tell.
I read somewhere that there are actually two types of fiber, and they have different effects, but most food is only ever labelled "fiber" so idk.
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If you don't poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at
Had an injury and needed some baby morphine pills. The side effects was notable and the pain of even just a full day was incredible. There's no way I could go 4 days with a hospital right across the street.
You can in America. Going to the hospital for constipation would be a few thousand dollars minimum.
Really? I always joke about the us health system not being free and being expensive but I thought it was expensive only for things like surgery
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@sh.itjust.works Yes it does, whether you want it to or not
Nearly shat myself laughing
Eat a diverse diet with lots of green vegetables. The fiber is good for you.
Eats sawdust every day, dies from impacted colon
Don't forget plenty of water.
Instructions unclear. Tried to eat water.
plenty of water, indeed. it what makes the shit soft.
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Well some weight was lost, at least
Fake: anon tried to lose weight
Gay: anon had his ass destroyed by fiber
you can add two spaces at the end of a line to cause a new-line
like this:
here starts a new line
I seem to have forgot to do that.
Why did I read your username as "wizard_poop" ?
'my guts are yelling in German' lmao
Moose in heat living in my belly.
Gondor calls for aid
These two lines caused a laughter which almost depleted my oxygen.
What the Shakespearean green text is this..
this was a glorious greentext to behold
Oh gods Thank you for this I haven't laughed this hard in a while!
You should look up reviews for the Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.
Oh I know them! Almost bought one to leave at my last day of work in the office 😂
And watch the video of that one dude with the perpetually backwards cap eating a full bag of them 😆
I watched this with my wife and we both cried laughing
Hahaha omg that's hilarious. I hope he lived
He has a bunch more where he eats a cactus and a bunch of other weird crap.
The old stuff (decade+ old) is the good stuff
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I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext.....holy shit. I'm in tears laughing. Thanks!