Ask Lemmy

Kindergarten, in a pencil-sharpening contest with 2 girls. Even though my pencil was clearly sharper, they ganged up on me and said theirs were, vote was 2-1. I exclaimed that “girls are toilets”, which was overheard by the authorities. Spent the rest of the day in timeout.

Grade 3, I was saying "fuh" like the first sound in "fuck" and Katherine told on me for saying "fuck" even though I didn't say it. Tragically, her story was believed and mine was not. I never forgave her. I also never saw her again after Grade 5, so whatevs.

5th grade music (singing) class. We're practicing a song for an upcoming assembly. It's cheesy. An excerpt:

We can fight all the evil, we can fight all the hate
If we do it together, it won't be too late
If we do it together, it won't be too late

During the song, two adjacent kids start laughing every time it says "We can do it together" because "do it" = "have sex" even though most of us don't know what it entails at this age, myself included. The teacher glares at them but does nothing else. Several other kids including me chuckle at the scene. This goes on for 3 weeks.

Now comes the dress rehearsal. Today is special because two 5th grade classes are having a joint rehearsal. All of us are a little giddy because there are double the kids crammed into the same space.

In anticipation of getting caught up in the infectious laughter, as the words "do it" approach I hide my face behind my sheet music. Suddenly, the backing CD track cuts out. I lowered the paper from my face she was already halfway to the clown kid sitting beside me. Except.... she comes to me. In this abrupt silence she explodes at me, point blank, index finger brandished:

"YOU NEED TO GROW UP! IT IS NOT ABOUT HAVING SEX!"

She singled me out. I was embarrassed.

Only after class did I learn from my homeroom teacher that the two instigators had recently been given a very stern talking to, such that the music teacher thought it was resolved until my hiding face gave her the impression it was not. Thankfully my homeroom teacher understood and I received no further consequences other than all of this living in my head for the next 30 years and forever.

Kid I knew ripped the IT dept account and password out of Windows using a boot disk and told a few people including me.

You could use the account to remote access any computer on the network. I used it to set a friend of mine’s desktop background to an image I made of the world’s ugliest dogs. Teacher caught me and I fessed up.

Got yanked into the coordinators office and got a big spiel about how the account could have been used to access exams and reports and whatnot. Surprisingly didn’t get in that much trouble since I didn’t really use my great powers for anything crazy. Had to write a letter of apology to the principal and got detention for a bit and that’s it.

Kid who ripped the password didn’t do any time from what I remember. Don’t think I ratted, or at least I hope not.

For continuously saying "eyyyyy". TBF it was really annoying, every time I was scolded I'd respond with eyy whoaaa eyyy and it escalated from there. It was pretty funny to see the explanation on the write up without context though.

In eighth grade, part of being in student council was helping an assigned teacher with various tasks during study hall. Well, when that teacher didn't have anything for us, my friend and I would go help the librarian with various tasks instead. We were "caught" and given detention (my first and only). So dumb.

Reading a book in English class. Had a high school English teacher that was out sick half the time and spent literally all of the remaining time they were actually in to teach us, reading through the assigned novel for the curriculum. (barely 20% of the curriculum overall) I was/am an avid reader so had the novel finished on my own in about a week and a half and got bored of listening to the terrible accents and voices being attempted by the teacher so Brought in my own book from the library and hid that in the cover of the prescribed novel to read. Teacher caught me and sent a letter home to my parents. Absolute nonsense!

I got my first and only detention for skipping the annual school 1.6km run around the local lake to go study in the library.

I got sent to the principal's office in kindergarten for saying my teacher had big hands after another kid called them "bigfoot" while they were standing on a step-ladder. She apparently was insecure about her massive, gigantic, galactic-sized hands.

One, 2nd grade Roman Catholic school, telling a bully of mine that he's going to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, got detention for that.

Two, getting detention for skipping/running back in from a fire drill. I think that was 3rd grade.

Gah my school was fucking stupid.

Farting. I had a teacher who would send kids to the nurse for farting. So, of course, we'd fart as loud as possible and blame it on someone around us. You know, whip your head to the side and say,"Damn, Chris!" They usually got sent to the nurse. This was at least 2-3 times a week. I got blamed enough times that she upped the seriousness and sent me to the principal. Fair enough, I mean, I had gotten more kids sent to the nurse than they got me, and the principal just sort of rolled his eyes and sent me back to class. 7th grade.

Fake-eating an electrical plug. The plug was both not connected to any power - I was "eating" the end that goes into the wall - and also never even close to actually being in my mouth, but the teacher was apparently at just the right angle for it to look convincing and freaked enough that he decided to call my parents and give me lines

The drug dog hit on my car right before Christmas break senior year. It hit on my box of Claritin D, so I let them search it. They used tweezers to pick flakes of what they called weed out of the floorboards, and I got sent to alternative school for 19 weeks.

Well, the school handbook said that the max punishment was 6 weeks, so we appealed it. The principal and superintendent were new and wanted to make an example of me, so that was a bust.

At the same time, I had submitted all of my stuff for my Eagle Scout rank, but still hadn't had the final board of review.

Right before our school board meeting, we got a call from one of the member's wives. This school board member was also the scout master, and he hated me. She said that my behavior wasn't befitting of an Eagle Scout, and if we kept appealing they'd revoke it, and those few flakes of weed would turn into 2 ounces (felony possession).

Jokes on them, though. In alternative school they just sent all of my work for the rest of the year, so I did it in like 3 weeks and didn't have to go anymore. I did have to shake that board members hand when I graduated, though.

We had a strict no-candy policy in my elementary school. So I ended up selling candy between classes for the local candy man. Teacher found out and gave me a slap on the wrist.

Two kids were playing catch with a milk carton to see who it would burst on. One kid missed and it hit me and burst. I was blamed for it and the teacher tried to make me clean it up no matter how much I explained that I didn't do anything wrong. Fortunately, those two kids owned up to it and they cleaned it up but the teacher was super upset about it and still insisted it was my fault. Idk if she had some sort of vendetta against me or if she just couldn't accept that she was wrong and doubled down.

Using an unabridged dictionary instead of my 4th-grade textbook's glossary.

Every new unit in social studies had a vocabulary box with about a dozen "new" words. The teacher's first assignment in each unit was to write out each word, then the complete definition of that word from the glossary. Each assignment was worth 10 points. Anyone who "failed" the assignment (less than 7 out of 10 points) was given a lunch detention: no recess.

Some units had only a handful of words; the assignment would end up being 2 or 3 pages. Some units had a lot more. They would end up being 5 or 6 pages.

She took off points for each misspelled word, missed punctuation, bad handwriting. The assignment had to be completed in ink, and she prohibited corrections of any sort. No erasable ink: If you made any error anywhere on the page, she expected you to rewrite the entire page. If the ink stopped flowing in your pen, and it produced an interrupted line, that was a point off.

It had to be turned in on standard ruled paper. Using college rule was an instant failure.

Once, I found a nice pen. It was a 1mm ballpoint. It produced nice, thick, clean, dark lines. It wrote smoothly. It was the first pen I found that I actually liked writing with.

Points knocked off immediately: she called it a "marker", and the assignment was supposed to be completed with a "pen".

One night, I had forgotten my social studies textbook at school. I decided against even attempting the assignment, and resigned myself to another lunch detention. Dad had other ideas. He insisted that I was exaggerating; the the teacher would be reasonable and accommodating. He said that she would appreciate the effort, and might even give me extra credit for going above and beyond.

He called around, and got the vocabulary list for me. He sat me down with the list and his big, unabridged dictionary, and told me to start writing. I remember that I filled two whole pages with the definition of a single word, and that I turned in 15 pages.

When she was grading my assignment, she called me up, and asked me what I had done. I explained that I had used a dictionary. She pulled out a big red marker, wrote a giant "F" across the first page, and gave me two lunch detentions for my obstinance.

She fucked me up for a few years. All I learned from her was that if I couldn't achieve absolute perfection, there was no point in even trying.

I got jumped and I yelled back “effing assholes” just like that. We all got the same punishment, them for beating me up and me for “profanity”.

Fuck that school lol

For calling myself gay. My teacher just assumed I was using it as an insult and referring to myself as being terrible. It took a visit to the principals office with the teacher and going "No. Seriously. I am an out of the closet homosexual. Ask anyone in that class." They ended up apologizing but I was just kinda pleased they were taking it that seriously in the first place.

Two classmates got into a fight in class and I bailed out of there because I wanted no part of it. The teacher got mad at me for bailing and said I should've done something. I was 12, what do you think I could do?

Not doing the Hokey Pokey correctly. Yes, corporal punishment was still a thing. Yes, it mentally scarred me.

Changing the CRT resolution from 1024x768 to something actually useful. They made us walk back to the computer lab to switch it back.

There are a lot of choices, but one I was talking to someone else about today was the time we were doing the pledge of allegiance, and I did it in a language that wasn't English. I started doing it in an indigenous language, and after two lines the teacher was like "TINA, NO!!!"

Making a fireball with the schools powdered coffee creamer.

I got suspended for getting punched after a kid kicked my lunch down a hall and called me a retard.

Was a boy in kindergarten and my teacher told my parents that I was retarded because I couldn't read. Had been reading to parents since I was three. Turned out she just hated boys.

One day at 5th grade recess I was just walking by myself when some kid jumps on my back and starts choking me. I reflexively bent forward causing him to fall. I was suspended for a week. He got nothing

I got in trouble for not singing during rehearsal for our 2nd grade Christmas concert. I remember this because I was definitely singing and it's the first time I can remember getting in trouble for something I didn't do and having no power to do anything about it. I actually love singing so much that I ended up singing in any group I could join in highschool and college. Really though, that teacher just didn't like me very much 🫤

Putting my arm around my girlfriend's shoulder while we were sitting at an assembly. I wasn't doing anything inappropriate, we were just sitting there. But the principal took me aside at one point and told me to stop.

When I was in second grade, my teacher saw me bend a paperclip once. For the rest of the year she would scream my name every time she found a bent paperclip and insist I must have bent it. One time she took away a snack I had because there was a twist tie on the bag and she insisted it was one of her paperclips I stole and bent.

Another time she got mad at me and insisted I was chewing gum when I was actually just eating graphite from my mechanical pencil. I don't think I can really blame her for that one though

Getting a 99% grade, proof I don't care about education and don't pay attention to anything other than stupid video games. How hard is it to Just Follow Directions? I am so glad I'm not a child anymore.

Smoking. Dumbest fuckin thing...

Telling other kids to stop talking because, if they didn't, they'd get in trouble.