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Non rebellious printer
Baby wristlet with heartbeat sensor (this one will make you go proper crazy)
Car that breaks down as soon as you buy it
'cause fuck cars.
They exist they're called LED Printers, you have to do a bit of searching for them though because they're often mislabeled as Laser Jet. If you go on Amazon for example and look for laserjet printers in the type box right at the bottom they'll tell you if it's really a laser jet or is actually a LED printer. Get an LED printer, Brother makes some good ones.
They are lightning fast even for color printing. They use toner like laser jet (which I guess is where the confusion comes from) but they work in a different way.