And Finally...

Texas is weird.

Look, I have SIX perfectly fine dildos, all in their individual velvet pouches. My grandma even gives me a knowing wink when she sees them on my nightstand (she's very with-it, my grandma). But the minute I walk into Walmart and snag NUMBER SEVEN - BAM! 💥 The world implodes. Little Timmy starts twerking in the cereal aisle, the self-checkout beeps incessantly with unholy vibrations, and a rogue bag of gummy worms spontaneously transforms into a life-size silicone replica of the Lone Star State... it's CHAOS, I tell ya! This clearly-reasonable six-dildo limit is PROTECTING our precious Texas innocence. Seven just unleashes the primal urges, and nobody wants that, especially not while picking out a new can of Copenhagen. 🤠

#SixIsTheMagicNumber #TexasStrong #ProtectTheInnocence (and the Gummy Worms)

I was so fucking confused I kept seeing Tesla instead of Texas

First, they came for the dildos, and I did nothing.

well hey you only have 3 holes to a person

Government so small it can fit in your bedroom!

How were they enforcing this?

Policemen Josh and Wade showing up to a party:

Josh: "Alright Wade, let's make sure there are not more than 6 erections in there."

Don’t want to start WWIII but even I and my fifty buttplugs were surprised to hear that WALMART was selling sex toys.

Texas is ran by dildos so this is really just thinly veiled self preservation at this point

The lawmakers are afraid of the competition

Snorted and almost choked on my coffee when I scrolled past this.

The worst part about this is that I'd rather Republicans waste time with pointless legislation such as this rather than something damaging that they could actually enforce.

*trying to buy salad ingredients for the family cookout*

The cashier: sorry state prevents us from selling more than 5 cucumbers at a time.