this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2024
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A former model who was a finalist in the Miss Switzerland contest was allegedly murdered and "pureed" in a blender by her husband, officials in Switzerland are reported to have said.

Kristina Joksimovic, 38, was found dead in her home in Binningen, near Basel, Switzerland, in February this year.

According to local news outlet BZ Basel, a man named Thomas, 41, had an appeal for release from custody denied by the Federal Court in Lausanne on Wednesday after he reportedly confessed to killing his wife, with whom he had two children.

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 month ago (5 children)

He did what with the what now!?

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The start of the headline lured me in for the biggest WTF moment I've had in ages. I'll be sweating bullets the next time I see something about a former model/Miss-Wherever

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

They quoted the word "pureed" which means there was butter and potato starch involved

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's better. I was afraid he was just gonna chop her up. But having her as some portion of a meal... So much better.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Protein, carbs and fat, you need all three in the right amounts for a healthy diet!

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And it was a hand blender even. Wow

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Wow is right. That man probably voided his warranty if he blended her feet.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

What the fuck bros

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 month ago (12 children)

This story is wild to read, how do you purée someone and still find a body and determine they were strangled?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I mean, considering how some of them can struggle with ice cubes, you'd need one hell of a (consumer grade) blender to effectively get rid of a body

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Start with a wood chipper.

Saw that in a movie once.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

That is the question

[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 month ago (2 children)

"the ruling from the court held Ms Joksimovic was strangled to death."

CSI Switzerland must be fucking wizards, man.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Or they got a confession, I guess.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Poor girl...

[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This is the most psychopathic thing I have seen in quite some time. wtf

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Yeah I didn't need to read this headline as soon as I woke up

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[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Because what sane person, who upon walking into their home and finding a loved one unconscious (or even worse :dead:) doesn’t reach for their blender.

Amiright, guys??

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[–] [email protected] 203 points 1 month ago (2 children)

BZ Basel also said Thomas was arrested the day after Ms Joksimovic's body was found, and initially told investigators he had found her dead and dismembered her body in their laundry room in panic.

Let those who have not dismembered a family member in a panic with a jigsaw and garden shears before dissolving their pulped body in a bath of acid throw the first stone.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

There's a documentary on Hulu I highly recommend called The Jinx, about multimillionaire serial killer Robert Durst. One of my favorite lines from him is "I did not kill my best friend, but I did dismember him".

His family owns like half of NYC. Someone I know used to work directly under them and can confirm the batshit runs down the whole family tree.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

No spoilers, but the very end of that series is absolutely insane. Up there with "Icarus" or "An Honest Liar" as great documentaries that end up having a completely unpredictable twist that changes the trajectory of the film completely.

[–] [email protected] 70 points 1 month ago (2 children)

When you put it like that... Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago (3 children)

It was self defense, after all, and one can never be too safe.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Woman must have been an antideluvian vampire to require such extreme measures.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

In Florida this man would be a hero.

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[–] [email protected] 121 points 1 month ago (3 children)

That’s an episode of “Will It Blend?” I didn’t think we’d ever get in real life.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You're terrible, even by my standards, which are impressively low

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

I like to treat every standard like a limbo bar and see how much lower I can go.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

It's one of could have gone my entire life without knowing was a possibility.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 month ago (2 children)

What brand was this blender? I would like to know, not because I have any former models that need blending, but because that thing must've been a tank

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

I mean they found a body so I assume it wasn't that great

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

The Swiss make some great precision machinery, I bet it was a Swiss brand.

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