this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2024

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214

What's a life lesson you learned the hard way that you'd want to share with others to help them avoid the same mistake? (lemmy.world)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 4 months ago (9 children)

Do NOT invite anyone into your home that you do not know. And do NOT save someone from eviction and have them live with you if you only barely know them.

I just went through six months of hell with two freeloading pieces of shit who never cleaned up after themselves and almost never lifted a finger to help in the house — all while getting free room and board, free food, etc.

My kid happened to be friends with a kid whose 64 year old mother (kid was adopted) got evicted and we knew them in passing for a good decade. We were the ONLY ones to help, despite them being a part of a church with hundreds of people.

I now know exactly why no one helped them, and know exactly why they were evicted.

Just don’t do it. It’s not worth the stress and the money.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Holy shit, are you me? We're going through the same thing. A not close friend of mine got evicted so his landlord could renovate his apartment and he has been living with us for six months now, for free. He stays in his room and plays video games all day, every day. He has no job. He subsists on dry cereal unless we feed him. He barely interacts with us. He doesn't do anything to help with chores, instead agreeing to assist and then just "forgetting". He sleeps from 6 am to 2 pm and is up all fucking night. We only know if he's awake because we can hear him playing games.

We told him two months ago that he needs to leave by now but he still has no job and no prospects. My wife, him, and I are in our fifties. We have a 55 year old child.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (8 children)

That sounds so familiar except this was a 64 year old woman and her 16 year old adopted daughter. The mother stayed in the room we provided, with a king sized bed, an Amazon echo, a Roku flat panel 55” TV and only left to eat ramen (that was her “cereal”), poop, and take her daughter wherever she needed to go.

People are selfish assholes. Period. And I will never again waste my money or time or stress or effort or anything on anyone that I don’t know extremely well.

I’m sorry you are also going through this. If you notified by official letter to get out of your house by a specific date, according to your laws, (and have him sign it), then you are within your rights (at least in the US in every state), typically, to have the county sheriff remove them.

My state requires 60 days notice, so on July 1, we gave these freeloaders official notice to vacate by 5pm on Aug 30. They finally left yesterday. They didn’t clean anything. They didn’t even sit down and show any appreciation. And they have the gall to ask for a things they left behind after rushing to pack and leave yesterday.

I basically told the mom to go fuck herself in many words. They wasted $5000 of our money over this time, and even their religion they hold so dear didn’t force them to be good people and do the right things.

(Shouting this to everyone who would listen…) NEVER take anyone in. Unless it’s family you trust or a really, really good friend that you’ve known for a long time.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago

check where your retirement and savings are invested. buy a low cost index fund (fidelity and vanguard have great ones).

do not invest in any funds that have high fees. (there are plenty of good funds with fees around 0.1%)

I split my savings between:

total domestic stock index
total international stock index
cash/money market/bonds
a small amount in a sector fund with higher growth potential (e. g. tech) or risky investments

[–] [email protected] 49 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Tell people in your life what they mean to you and that you love them.
Often and always, you never know how much time you have together.

Call your mom, dad, your grandparents, spend time with your kids, with your nieces and nephew. Tell them all, that you are proud of them or grateful for them and that you love them.

We always think we have all the time in the world to spend with family and people we love. But if one of their lives is cut short, you might regret it forever!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

Also, after breaking with my parents, and telling my kids I love them, I realized how very rare it was for my father to tell me he loves me. So, tell people what they mean to you and that you love them because it might not seem like much at the moment, but it means a lot in the long run.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Brush teeth 3x day, floss 2x day, checkup 2x year

It really helps later. Like life altering

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago (8 children)

If you are a teenager and you currently feel like you have failed at being a man/woman/heterosexual/whatever, then there is a 79.8% chance you are some form of LGBTQ. Stop beating yourself up and start exploring instead. You'll be happy you did.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Important note: just because at some point you felt attraction to people of opposite sex, doesn't automatically disqualify you from LGBTQ

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago (2 children)

You could also be autistic and have the same experience like me or even both

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Me too actually

[–] [email protected] 31 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Or you could just be comparing yourself to the unreasonably high standards set by archaic cultural norms.

Basically if you're a teenager and think you're failing at life: No, you aren't, just give yourself some more time to figure things out.