Ask Lemmy

Sleeping with someone you love, when they don't love you, is a heartwrenching experience as soon as one of you gets off. Doubly so if they're cheating on someone.

You can grow and change and be better.
Accept that you did wrong, recognize what you did and why, think about what you've learned, tell yourself how you're going to do better next time.
Grow. Change. Aspire to be better.

By the time the changes in your health are dramatic enough that you notice the difference, you've already done enough damage to warrant a loooong recovery. This goes double for mental health.

A lot of people will just write off symptoms that don't disrupt their daily routine. "Walk it off," so to speak. But that's when you should have started looking for what lifestyle changes you could make to avoid anything more dire in the future.

I failed out of college the first time I ignored my anxiety and depression. This time, it led to a complete breakdown that I'm still struggling to overcomevthe symptoms of: I spend every day feeling on edge like my safety is threatened, and my gut revolts at every crumb of food. At night I twitch and can't sleep from the stomach pain without a sleeping pill. And it's been better this week than it was this time last month, where I hadn't slept for >48 hours, after a week of waking up every hour nightly, and was in the worst pain I've ever experienced as my body started to digest itself.

It started slowly in spring, with just a panic attack once a week or so, and spikes of anxiety that caused my vision to shake too much to see... But I still perservered without much thought. The doc prescribed me anti-vert meds, said it was just vertigo induced by allergies, sent me on. I forgot about it all summer as I focused on obligations and trips and work.

And now I'm wondering if this is just my life now, if I'll never feel relaxed again. Will the meds and therapy work, or have I done irreversible damage to my brain through inaction? Admittedly a less unpleasant thought than wondering if I'd ever be able to see straight long enough to get work done and put food on the table, or stand up without collapsing from panic and dizziness. At times I've wondered how much more I can take before suicide starts to sound like the better alternative.

I'm gonna keep on fighting and healing, but holy shit I wish I had just started the meds sooner.

You can use money from your 401k (stipulations vary) for a down payment on a first home, without the tax penalty (in America at least)

Don't be afraid of therapy, especially if you have anxiety.

When your partner complains they can’t screw other people because you’re away for a week, you might be dating someone you can’t fully trust long-term.

If you’re good at something, even if you don’t enjoy it, it might still make a good career. You don’t have to love what makes you money, just not hate it. If you’re good enough, you end up with a lot more free time for yourself. Doing what you love can also cause you to hate doing it as a hobby eventually. People don’t “love” their jobs. You don’t see them paying to do their job like they do for tennis lessons or sports events. You probably just tolerate your job, and that’s ok. Your life isn’t ruined.

Stay away from even legal drugs if you realize they affect you differently from the norm / other people. You might end up spending a couple nights in a hospital.

Alcohol is not really good for your body or mind.

Don’t just go for a shallow understanding of concepts. Learn and reason through them completely in your own way and you’ll never forget them. You’ll also be better prepared to use and extend them.

A solid sleep schedule is good for building a routine. A crazy sleep schedule can make you more creative. Choose a balance.

Know how food impacts you. You maybe eating something that drains you for decades without even realizing it. Introduce things one by one and see how you feel and think.

What people think about you does matter to an extent. It’s good to have confidence in yourself, but you can also be overconfident. It’s also ok to be a little judgmental at times about things that are important to you. You don’t have to be a dick about it though.

If she says she's on birth control but you haven't seen it, dont believe her. If she pressures you not to use a condom, don't consent.

Don't marry someone before you've known them well for a few years. Don't ignore red flags, such as them telling you that they see other people as pawns or them pressuring you to empty your 401k to put it into their financial/realestate schemes.

If your partner doesn't treat you with kindness and respect right now, then they are never going to, no matter how many times they say they will if you would only just do this or be that - nothing will ever be good enough for that kind of person, period, full stop. And, no, they won't change, no matter how much you do, and no matter how much you love them.

Do learn what "love bombing" is. Then find out if someone is grossly irresponsible with money or hiding a severe alcohol problem before you move in with them.

There are a lot of people in this world who will take advantage of your kindness and naivety, if you let them, so be mindful of how people treat you and those around them before you make commitments to them.

Not everyone is awful.

Edit to add: don't ignore your friends or family telling you that they think your relationship is unhealthy, or that the person is mistreating you or others, or may be taking advantage of you. Even if you don't have much respect for the person telling you this, stop and listen and reflect, because red flags don't stand out to you when you're wearing rosy tinted glasses.

If you don't have a dream, do what makes money. Fuck what you enjoy.

Hobbies aren't careers and you don't want to end up 40 having never "found" yourself, suck working in a factory.

Source: long island doesn't have cliffs for me to drive off.

Try to take a couple of minutes to look up at the sky every day. Whether it's pretty clouds or a cool plane or the moon and the stars. Seems too many people end up missing what's right over their heads

Never call Chuck Norris, Cuck Norris!