Ask Lemmy

I'd say 25% intellicence, 30% being a nice person and aligning with my ethics. 15% being funny, 5% looks, 15% not having off-putting things like smelling bad. and 20% being compatible with me to live under one roof. In the end we also need to love and respect each other. And I agree with the other comments that there are different kinds of intelligence. First of all you can be book-smart, handy, considerate, open-minded, ... and there is emotional intelligence. But lots of people I met are intelligent in one way or another. Have different interests and things they're good at. I'm fine with any of that. As long as there is something. I occasionally meet people who are completely dull. But that's rare. But I need some intelligence and interest in things as a basis for conversations.

equally intelligent, just in a different field. this way, you can always learn from another, while never competing with knowledge. this also means you both need to be curious and interested about each others stuff, which is just as important as intelligence.

When choosing a partner, how important is intelligence to you?

everything

Intelligence is important, but I think even more important is curiosity and an open mind. There are lots of really smart people who are also closed-minded insufferable know it alls. And if they’re not curious about learning new things, new perspectives, and exploring this amazing world we live in: then what even is this all about?

Essential.

I don't want to be close to people who: are unable to follow a simple reasoning, consistently assume things that they cannot reliably know, have an 8-or-80 mindset, or conflate their wishes with reality. Because people like this turn the lives of the ones around them into living hells.

Note: I'm talking about intelligence as "ability to reason". I'm not talking about the set of knowledge that the person amassed over time, or ability to memorise stuff.

Not nearly as important as ethics.

There is a Chinese expression: "The ugly wife is a treasure at home"

It is possible ugly can be substituted for dull (mentally).

Depends what one means by intelligence.

It's not what you know / think that's important to me. It's how you think.

Smart enough for her strengths to make up for my weaknesses.

The longest relationship I ever had: the person would say the craziest, most off-the-wall things in the world. I though they had no sense at all. Then I realized that whenever they said that sort of thing, they would be carefully observing how people reacted. That person frequently asked me for advice, but rarely took it, which was infuriating. Then I realized that they asked lots of people for advice, and carefully considered them all. Eventually I understood that person had solid grades despite serious life distractions, was an excellent judge of character, and was really good at making difficult decisions.

So I guess my point is: there's all kinds of smarts, and it can be hard to tell who's got em good.

I think I would need some kind of example of what we're counting as 'intelligence.'

For me, capacity and curiosity is more important because it usually means the other person can change based on information rather than thinking they already know. Usually, that means they are somewhat intelligent as a result.

Super important. I'm an idiot, and if we both are stupid we'll be in serious trouble.

Very. There are different types of intelligence though and I don't want someone with the exact same intelligence strengths as me. That's boring. I want some different but complementary intelligence; I like learning from people and I like when a partner us open to learning about my passions. Like a nicely overlapping venn diagram.

Also, I like a person who likes venn diagrams and other data visualization tools.

Very. Not saying that I need them to be extremely intelligent, but should be at/around the same level as me, and have similar interests as me. Otherwise conversations would be more difficult?

Common sense, maturity, humility, and curiosity are all extremely important to me in a partner. Whether my potential partner is book smart is significantly less important to me than whether they treat others with respect and wanting to improve themselves.

With the superficial stuff out of the way, the bottom line is that the thing that matters most is whether or not I want to spend my limited time with them.

I think it's important to be on a similar level - to laugh at jokes together and appreciate learning from one another.

Intelligence is important, but big muscle is importanter.

I think middle-of-the-road intelligence is fine for me. I find there are some downsides to dating either end of the spectrum. I avoid dating people who either don't have informed opinions or lean too heavily on intellectual topics like an armchair philosopher without an off switch. Both are incredibly boring to me.

It has always been the most important. Now I’m gonna say something that usually results in people telling me I’m arrogant and sincerely this isn’t arrogance it’s just fact: I’m extremely intelligent. And I could not really have a spouse who wasn’t. When my wife and I met we both found such relief because we both feel this way. She’s highly intelligent and that was the most attractive quality to me.

I recognize though that it’s not the only quality of merit. She’s also extremely kind and loving and supporting, and independent of intelligence those too are extremely attractive and praiseworthy. I guess really I wish everyone could simply find a person who they are attracted to in many many respects. That’s the best foundation I think.

Extremely, stupid people are boring. Give me a 5/10 PhD student.

Aside from the issue of age of course, if they're intelligent enough to understand the relationship and what it means, then they can make the list.

I believe it depends on exactly what you define as "intelligent"

Very important.

• I want to be with someone I enjoy talking to.

• I admit that I couldn't bring much to the sort of relationship where intelligence isn't particularly important.

• Intelligence is heritable to a significant extent, which is important in case children are produced.

One downside (in a sense) is that this approach will probably lead to two very career-oriented people being together, which causes some problems.

Edit: I'm saying this as someone who is significantly above average on the sort of intelligence measured by SATs.

moooist

it was important for me. i needed a partner near my own wavelength. a person who could challenge me...someone who can see through my bullshit