find the most obscene shitting sfx and play that at full blast to cover your full blasts
this post was submitted on 27 May 2024
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I could be friends with the rainforest guy. Seems like a chill dude, just wants to shit in peace.
Play a few talks from Sergeant Hartman.
Metal Machine Music. They'll love it.
I once made myself sit and listen to that entire album, aware that it was generally regarded as horrible.
It was. But I also found myself kind of getting into it after a while.
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I think that Diamanda Galas - The Litanies of Satan (or any other of her works) will be appropriate.
You need to find the natural resonance frequency of the room, or stall, and make that noise. The whole room will be a huge subwoofer.
But all these tips aside, am I the only one to think that it's shameful to be on my phone on the toilet with sound so that others hear? Especially in the workplace? What kind of workplace is this? Median/average age?
People are wild these days. My wife and sister have both, working in different industries and companies, come home and informed me they were freaked out and a bit repulsed to discover coworkers in the bathroom, audibly having a bowel movement of some sort, with an iPhone on the floor of the stall facetiming their partners. These were both work places that skewed younger, but people have just been going feral. My last job, I walked into the bathroom and heard what I assumed was the Smack, smack, smack of somebody jerking off, only to find out it was a guy near his 60s doing clap push-ups in front of the urinals.
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Earth 2: Special Low Frequency Version
almost anything by Negativland
Kontakte by Karlheinz Stockhausen
almost anything by Einstürzende Neubauten
Just tell them? Nah... that would be too effective. Op specifically request a less effective communication mathod. Ignore me then.
Everyone knows that it's forbidden to talk while on the toilet, except to announce the occupancy status of one's stall, or to request emergency assistance.
It's also forbidden to talk to anyone using the toilet, except to ask if they're ok in there.
Speaking to someone who's on the toilet while oneself is also on the toilet is DOUBLY forbidden. And no, the two infractions don't cancel each other out.
Look up "It's Raining Tacos"
Here's what you do. You hire local police to stand outside your stall. Then you connect your phones bluetooth up to the offices speakers that are EVERYWHERE. After you've done this, you start playing Goldbergs WCW theme. Then one of the guards bangs on the door, and you come out in your boxers.
Now hang on, because this is where it gets crazy. As you storm out of the stall, you rip other stall doors down while screaming like a beast. Then you storm out of the bathroom, and thats when the sparks and pyro is going off. Keep in mind, that goldberg theme is still playing over all those speakers in the ceiling. You're breathing smoke. There's explosions, and you're just giving everyone the crazy eyes as you walk back to your cubicle. Then for no reason you punt the little deskside trash can CLEAR across the room with trash flying everywhere.
I mean......it's going to cost about $600,000 to do this one time poop, and I imagine you maaaaaaaay have some difficulty securing local cops to come guard your bathroom stall because you want to make one kickass reason to get fired. I mean, you could always use mall security off duty, but it's just not the same.
You'll have an interesting story at your next interview though.....
"So. How did you leave your last job?"
"Funny you should ask...."
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"Nobody likes me" by the northern boys
Same thing they play, delayed a few seconds, louder.
Satan?
Know your enemy
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Dude. Everybody needs to relax. Try this next time to get in the proper frame of mind.
What’s new pussycat
21 times in a row (well, except for that one play of It's Not Unusual)
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the nightcore version of whatever’s currently playing
I sense great evil in you
…while I work out my demons?
What are you eating? Damn.
Taco hell™
That tracks.
I'd play something funny
what else.
Jimmy Buffett - The Asshole