Or one guy keeps bringing in milk, and another guy keeps locking that guy’s milk.

Whenever his milk starts going off at home, he locks it up and brings it to the office to see how long people will respect the locks before throwing away rotten milk.

This guy couldn’t walk without dragging his feet

That fucking drives me up the wall. How did your parents fail so badly that they couldn't teach you to pick up your feet?

I had a roommate burn a bunch of shit from our garage because he didn't know who owned it.

He's like, "I asked the other roommate and he said it wasn't his so I figured it was just here with the apartment."

"Motherfucker there are 3 people that live here. If it's not yours, and it's not the other guy's, it's probably fucking mine and you should ask before you just light shit on fire."

Normally I'd think it was because he just didn't like me, but after knowing the guy, he was just an actual idiot.

When I was in the Navy, a dude kept eating my fucking chips and salsa. It was a small work center, we all knew whose shit was whose in our tiny fridge. So one day I put really fucking hot hot sauce in my salsa and left it in the fridge. Motherfucker has the gall to get pissed at me like I'm the asshole. He didn't eat my salsa again after that.

I don't like violence.

But some people need to get punched in the mouth

Duh, a sandwich left in the fridge is the kind of thing no one would ever expect being someone's personal lunch. You're obviously in the wrong to complain about it. Asshole.

Yeah, can you believe how some people are so entitled they *check notes* expect to be able to use the food they bought

I used to drink ten to eleven cups of tea in the UK per day. I quit caffeine for a while because of the headaches. I somehow never put it together that this drug I keep putting into my system would affect my brain ...

Huh. Here in NZ tea, (instant) coffee, milk (and usually Milo as well) are virtually always provided by an employer (only by social convention, as far as I can tell, not a legal requirement). I kinda assumed Britain would be the same since we must have got the custom from somewhere.

so I've had tea in Ireland and the UK, and my observation is that most people just use an ounce of milk for a cuppa, right?

how much tea is this type of freak, that needs this much milk at work, drinking?

Sorry, I've been a vegan for long enough that I don't remember the names for all the animal bits, even in my native tongue let alone english :)

Just because it’s there, doesn’t mean you have to milk the pun for all it’s worth.