he wouldn't even beat a boar
this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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"reflexes similar to my speed"
Haha this is a classic French copypasta which is 20 years old and has just been translated by anon.
It is even cited in the French "copypasta" Wikipedia article in the examples section: https://fr.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copypasta
TL;DR: French and fake and gay
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Only insane thing Anon has is his delusion.
I recently saw a gorilla skull. Note how small the brain is and how much extra bone there is to protect it. Punching this would hurt you more than the gorilla.
That was essentially what I was going to comment.
You punch a skull like that, you're breaking knuckles. It happens vs other humans as it is, no way do you punch a gorilla in the face and do even the same amount of damage your hand takes. You're sure as hell not knocking it out.
As entertainment, the idea is awesome, because I can imagine this relatively small guy squaring up against a silverback, all confident and executing the footwork perfectly, throwing a right hook just as hard as he can, and then there's a spray of blood from his hand, followed by the gorilla turning him into steak tartare in a minute or less.
Has dude never been to a zoo that has gorillas? Back in my prime, I would have been a heavyweight, and I feel like a damn twig next to a gorilla, no matter how much height I have on one. And I've never been that close to one. Seeing them twelve feet away was intimidating as hell.
They're fearsome in a fight, but even more admirably, they don't take themselves that seriously
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HmuTqe9s88
Worth it to watch even for the first couple minutes to hear the sound
I haven't watched the video yet, everyone is asleep and my headphones are in another room.
But I love your user name, and felt you needed to know that immediately
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You see those fin-like bones that rise up from the skull? All of that is filled with the muscle that closes the jaw - technically the purpose of these bones is for the muscle to attach to. One bite will slice and crush anything of you that is in his mouth.
Oh, and humans lack a type of fast-twitch muscle fibre that gorillas (and pretty much all non-human mammals) have. This makes their muscles a lot more powerful than ours, no matter what training you do. They will tire faster, but thats probably only during the stomp-on-your-bloody-remains part of the fight.
Oh, and their reaction speed is also faster.
Basically, you have zero chance going mano a mano with a gorilla.
Yeah, human muscle density is very low, relatively. We have higher myostatin levels than other great apes, likely from developing tools for hunting.
I bet an average chimp would absolutely destroy any top ranked fighter.
IIRC the chimp thing is a bit overblown. I seem to remember that chimps are something like 1.3-1.5x stronger than humans per body mass. However male chimps weigh in at only around 40-70kg.
These are average numbers, so assuming a top ranked fighter is significantly stronger per mass than the average human (my amateur experience suggests that a well trained man is around 1.3x as stronger than average per mass). Matching a top ranked heavyweight fighter (≈110 kg) to a higher-end chimp means the human is probably around (1.3 x 110 / 1.5 x 70) = 1.35 times stronger than the chimp.
The top ranked fighter has a reach advantage, and while chimps are robust, I would almost call it absurd to suggest that a well landed kick from a top-ranked 110kg fighter would not injure a 70kg mammal.
The chimp has the advantage of biting, but even in a ground-brawl, I have a hard time seeing a chimp with the strength of an average 105kg man standing much of a chance against a heavyweight MMA fighter, just by knowing how completely one-sided that fight would be between humans. I don't think the bites of the chimp can overcome the large strength difference and massive technical difference (chimps are similar enough to humans that ordinary BJJ techniques can probably still be used). All this is assuming that the chimp is able to get within reach without catching a crippling strike first.
Note that the above takes a higher end chimp vs. a top ranked fighter. Taking an average chimp and I definitely cannot see the chimp standing a chance. That would be like betting on an 85kg guy without fighting experience beating an MMA heavyweight. Even if the guy has a knife, he'll probably be knocked out before even touching the fighter.
Of course, being an average man myself, I would definitely be torn to shreds by even a lower-end chimp.
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Humans aren't physically violent enough to survive a much smaller creature (30-50kg), let alone fighting something just as violent but 10 times bigger.
I would really pay to watch that fight.
You would pay to watch a man get ripped apart? No thanks, I'd rather not have that image on my mind for the rest of my life.
Even something smaller like a chimp can bite straight through a human and has enough strength to rip an arm straight off.
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I have this theory that with proper technique, you can beat anything you can lift in a fight. That being said, Gorillas are too heavy to lift. Conversely, you'll likely have extreme difficulty fighting anything that's too heavy for you to lift. Anything with natural weapons, like sharp teeth, this rule of thumb likely also doesn't apply to. Anything larger than a cat should be considered dangerous by default.
Lots of creatures within the realm of benchable weight often have specialized defenses that could constitute a 1-hit KO if you fuck up in the slightest.
A chimp could rip your arms off. A kangaroo could crack all your ribs with a kick.
If you consider these "natural weapons" then sure, I guess that just limits you to fighting juvenile cows or something, at which point I'll give it to you, I could probably take a newborn calf in a fight.
If you attack a calf, their mother will fuck you up, though. I suppose the lesson here is that humans should use weapons to fight animals.
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Wait, you think you couldn't beat a giraffe?
One punch from my scrawny nerd warrior arms and that fucker would shrug then donkey kick me half way across the fucking Serengeti.
No, you're approaching this the wrong way. You run towards it at full speed, then get a 45° angle and jump. While doing so, you grab their neck like a pole, and use the force to hoist yourself upon their back.
You either already killed them with this move, or you're now on their back and holding their throat. There's nothing a giraffe can do to throw you down or attack you now. You can just choke, and choke, and keep choking it until it falls to its knees.
It can roll over. Do you like your legs? Besides, unless you're a lion, good luck jumping up there. And even then, you're not choking a giraffe out. Their neck is basically only muscle.
Am I stupid, or did I miss the "rolling over"? I just saw the giraffe lady down while saying "choke me harder daddy"
Are you a 150kg murder machine with claws that can high jump several times it's size? Even then, the lion got thrown off not once, but twice. Thinking you could fight a giraffe and win is dellusional
Lions cannot jump several times their height. They can leap forward several times their height and length. Not straight up. https://images.app.goo.gl/NhdZC
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No, I lost some weight, so not quite. What lions have in claw strength, I however have in elbow strength!
You lost me at "run". Can I bring my inhaler or does that count as a tool?
Oh, you're American? I guess you could drive your scooter up specifically designed ramp to reach their back. Though I feel most animals wouldn't stand a chance against you guys on their back.
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The problem with apes is that relative to their size, they have way more muscle mass than humans. They have lower myostatin levels, so their muscle density is ridiculous.
There are humans that could absolutely lift a gorilla, but there's absolutely no chance that they could win a fight against one. Even a strongman is going to struggle against a chimp.
Humans are different because we discovered tools which meant we were more successful hunters. Since large muscles require more calories, natural selection did its thing and we got much weaker.
You know a lot of people that could lift 800lbs at all, much less when it's fighting back with that strength? I can sled 800lbs, but no way in hell anyone is just picking that up.
Not me personally, but strongman competitions are a thing.
Humans and performance enhancing drugs can do some crazy shit. Check out the Physical 100 show on... Netflix? Those fuckers squat 600lb like it was a fanny pack, and they'd still get wrecked.
Sort of my point. The squat bar, deadlifts, etc. aren't fighting back. I'll check the show out.
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Orangutans have entered the chat. Their only natural weapons are the long guns they're packing. Lean machine all folded up in a big skin sack. Plenty of humans could bench an adult orangutan, zero humans are winning that fight.
That being said they're basically just a half step down the neurology ladder and 2 steps up the jungle ladder, so it makes sense that they would outclass us.
I'm pretty sure an Orangutan could lift a human, though.
way more easily than a human could lift an orangutan
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I could kick the shit out of a gorilla. Just give me a massive pile of rocks, sunscreen, 15 hours, and two Olympic swimming pools.
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6 ft 1 1/2 for 189 lbs.
I’m 6’2” and weigh 255lbs. My “ideal” weight tops out at 220.
Muscle weighs more than fat.
OP is a twig, and would get broken like one in an instant. No way he’d even land one punch on a gorilla.
Anon is a cocky dumbass
Anon was a fighter.
Anon is dead
Reminds of this classic
I'm sure this may work in maybe 1% of circumstances of super fit, tall, jacked, stupidly tough, experienced martial arts experts vs an "Average bear"
Like the theory is sound, you could conceivably choke out a bear but it would be a motherfucking wild ride IF you can get into place to do it.
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Wouldn't it be a "bear naked choke"?
Oh BROTHER this guy stinks!