The man has chased his share of dragons - we can trust him on this one!
The Onion
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
Candace Owens doesn't believe in dinosaurs, he may as well think this, we live in profoundly stupid times
What's more dumb? Not believing in dinosaurs despite us having bones to prove their existence or believing in dragons which aren't that far off from the dinosaurs? I guess the crazy thing is believing dragons exist on earth right now and they are living somewhere unbeknownst to man.
And besides, space dragons are way cooler anyways.
You know the weird shit about this headline? If it hadn't been from The Onion, this could have been a real statement from RFK Jr.
Years ago, I would have immediately recognised this as an Onion article. Today, I have to admit that I didn't recognise it before clicking on the link and seeing the page.
As I was scrolling the post up and read the headline, I was completely ready to believe it actually happened until I scrolled enough to see the link to the onion.
Indeed. It would be 100% fitting to this guys other ... blurbs.
Serial stupidity is worse than slime
Chinese propaganda depicting dragons as 'lame floating snakes with mustaches'. I'm so offended! 😆
Dragon these nuts across his face!
Of all things, that would be the least dangerous of all to suggest.
I fully ate the Onion with the headline. Absolutely no doubt, just resignation. Only coincidentally saw the community.
Same, so plausible these days
Funny enough I know people IRL who are right wing and think that dragons existed
Biblical dragons?
I knew this was fake as soon as I saw the logo.
I eat the onion again. Damn you.
I’m researching how to sneak a Komodo dragon into RFK’s bedroom so it will eat him while he sleeps.
Komodo hunt by biting a limb, then waiting for the target to die from infected wounds after several days. No restful sleep for RFK, not until the moment is nigh.
The komodo bacteria will have to compete with all the weird shit that's already in his body though. So it's not a sure thing.
The Hungarian Horntail— Oooooooo!!!
Does this make Game of Thrones a documentary, or a nature program?
With that amount of nudity, it’s a NatGeo series now.
A documentary. Like Jurassic Park.
Wait till he hears that dragons are from China.
I don't think that that's the case. I remember reading something about theories about independent development of dragon traditions based on discovery of exposed dinosaur fossils.
kagis
Wikipedia says that the earliest stuff we have records of are from the Near East, but that it's not clear where origins were. Possible that they independently developed.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragon
Draconic creatures are first described in the mythologies of the ancient Near East and appear in ancient Mesopotamian art and literature.
Nonetheless, scholars dispute where the idea of a dragon originates from,[11] and a wide variety of hypotheses have been proposed.[11]
In his book An Instinct for Dragons (2000), anthropologist David E. Jones suggests a hypothesis that humans, like monkeys, have inherited instinctive reactions to snakes, large cats, and birds of prey.[12] He cites a study which found that approximately 39 people in a hundred are afraid of snakes[13] and notes that fear of snakes is especially prominent in children, even in areas where snakes are rare.[13] The earliest attested dragons all resemble snakes or have snakelike attributes.[14] Jones therefore concludes that dragons appear in nearly all cultures because humans have an innate fear of snakes and other animals that were major predators of humans' primate ancestors.[15] Dragons are usually said to reside in "dark caves, deep pools, wild mountain reaches, sea bottoms, haunted forests", all places which would have been fraught with danger for early human ancestors.[16]
In her book The First Fossil Hunters: Dinosaurs, Mammoths, and Myth in Greek and Roman Times (2000), Adrienne Mayor argues that some stories of dragons may have been inspired by ancient discoveries of fossils belonging to dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals.[17] She argues that the dragon lore of northern India may have been inspired by "observations of oversized, extraordinary bones in the fossilbeds of the Siwalik Hills below the Himalayas"[18] and that ancient Greek artistic depictions of the Monster of Troy may have been influenced by fossils of Samotherium, an extinct species of giraffe whose fossils are common in the Mediterranean region.[18] In China, a region where fossils of large prehistoric animals are common, these remains are frequently identified as "dragon bones"[19] and are commonly used in traditional Chinese medicine.[19] Mayor, however, is careful to point out that not all stories of dragons and giants are inspired by fossils[19] and notes that Scandinavia has many stories of dragons and sea monsters, but has long "been considered barren of large fossils."[19] In one of her later books, she states that, "Many dragon images around the world were based on folk knowledge or exaggerations of living reptiles, such as Komodo dragons, Gila monsters, iguanas, alligators, or, in California, alligator lizards, though this still fails to account for the Scandinavian legends, as no such animals (historical or otherwise) have ever been found in this region."[20]
Robert Blust in The Origin of Dragons (2000) argues that, like many other creations of traditional cultures, dragons are largely explicable as products of a convergence of rational pre-scientific speculation about the world of real events. In this case, the event is the natural mechanism governing rainfall and drought, with particular attention paid to the phenomenon of the rainbow.[21]
Sounds woke with all that multiculturalism and rainbows. Only 'Murican dragons for real 'Muricans.
I will admit I had to scroll back up (or do a double take) to realize this was no real.
That is sad.
I bit the onion.
Dragons exist, they are called attack helicopters.
This isn't a reference to that shitty gender joke, it is just an observation that dragons are reptile attack helicopters with their range nerfed.
Hmm. I'm not entirely sold that a flamethrower would be an effective weapon against a modern main battle tank.
Do you have ANY idea how hot a typical dragon fireball is??
Besides, Fire Dragons are mostly cooks, glassblowers and welders.
Anti-Tank Dragons are most typically Rust Dragons or Mud Dragons.
Do you have ANY idea how hot a typical dragon fireball is??
Hmm. No, I don't.
considers
Hmm. I mean, it's orange, right? So figure black-body radiation determines the color.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black-body_radiation
So maybe something like 2000°F, 1100°C?
But I'm more thinking that a tank probably has a lot of thermal mass, and I figure that the dragon probably isn't keeping sustained fire on the thing for all that long. I mean, I've no doubt that dragon fire would be horrific in an anti-personnel role, but against heavy armor? It's gonna take a lot of energy to heat that up.
EDIT: I feel like a "how would the 1st Armored Division do against Smaug" would be a good [email protected] question.
Does the dragon fire deplete the tank of oxygen?
That could cause engine issues and crew issues, depending on duration.
I just binged Game of Thrones, so now I am an expert!
So you know the difference between. Wyvern and a dragon then?
You just need twenty good men and ballista and you can kill all the dragons easily