Anyone relate? : adhd

[–] Boppel@feddit.org 1 points 1 week ago

Lol, I was told that I don't have ADHD because I am not hyperactive - except for the phases when I am, then I am getting on everyones nerves. Last month I was diagnosed. Im 36...

I have the feeling only others with ADHD can relate to the countless evenings I sat crying over my homework, my daily tasks, bills I just forgot and the constant struggle to get my shit together. I mean: Thinking back I can smile, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't come with some kond of bitterness.

Next month will get medication for the first time. I'm interested if I really only needed to try harder or if I actually fought agaibst an invisible wall.

[–] rhadamanth_nemes@lemmy.world 22 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

The laziness thing resonates hard for me. When I am interested in something I can spend hours and hours learning everything about it and tinkering with it, when I am not interested it is incredibly challenging to muster the effort at all.

Deadlines and panic help, and if I can trigger my focus Ive been pretty successful with my efforts in general.

I still find myself doubting that I have ADD. Go figure.

[–] Suck_on_my_Presence@lemmy.world 6 points 4 weeks ago

Gosh, the laziness.

I taught myself every single song on my parent's electric keyboard when I was a kid, so they got me a bigger, better one and I learned every song there and then some others that I painstakingly figured out by ear.

But did I ever do my homework? Did I every get xyz done on time? Did I constantly misplace everything?

I wish I had been hyperactive and disruptive in class so maybe someone would have helped me earlier.

[–] alchemist2023@lemmy.world 20 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

diagnosed in my 50's

always known I'm different lol

coasted subjects I liked but failed subjects I hated.

I was disruptive and constantly outside the headmasters office. in those days I got the slipper and cane..

mum called me hyperactive and blamed tartrazine from orange cordial. looking back I was casebook ADHD.

now I have a diagnosis I'm able to get the support and connections to my kids that I never had myself. teaching techniques and understanding what's going on for them when they have meltdowns.

to be fair they didn't have ADHD diagnosis on the 70's so I'm just happy I can support my kids knowing what I know and why

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 2 points 4 weeks ago

Wasn’t it new in the ‘70s? Some papers put it as officially recognized (in the US at least) in the ‘60s. I’m not sure when medicines became available for it though.

[–] Robotsandstuff@lemmy.world 1 points 4 weeks ago

Not diagnosed but my son is and I can't read a page of a book without forgetting what It's about so prob am I'm 42.now so it's just crack on as normal.

[–] oppy1984@lemm.ee 11 points 4 weeks ago

So many times. Then the motor mouth starts and they start to understand..... sometimes.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

This is why it took me 3+ decades to realize I have it

[–] Confused_Emus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Took Adderall a few times in college and got the zombie effect instead of the energy/focus boost you usually get when taking it without having ADHD. Never had performance issues in school or had trouble sitting still or anything. Always been kinda curious what’s up with that.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 6 points 4 weeks ago

Maybe you took an interest in enough things to do well? Personally, I'd get distracted from lessons with trying to figure out alternative ways to think about or solve problems for things like math and I liked practicing mental math, so used normal classwork as a way to do that.

More surprised I was able to deal with classes like English and history though. But I've just been lucky enough to have a good memory for certain things school cares about.

[–] neons@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 4 weeks ago (5 children)

Wait

But that's just ADD?

[–] renard_roux@beehaw.org 3 points 4 weeks ago

That's my whole basic "speech" when I have to tell someone: "I've got ADD; I don't have the H".

I think in some places they don't use ADD anymore, but I can't really keep up ...

[–] vonxylofon@lemmy.world 15 points 4 weeks ago

ADD hasn't been used as a diagnosis for a while. It's called the inattentive type ADHD now.

[–] Coelacanth@feddit.nu 27 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I believe that's no longer a thing and it's all collectively called ADHD these days. At least over here.

[–] Aganim@lemmy.world 17 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Officially it's ADHD-I (inattentive), ADHD-H (hyperactive) and ADHD-C (combined).

But over here even specialists still often just call it ADD. It's less of a mouthful and more well-known. Personally I also use ADD, as it often saves the hassle of having to explain I'm usually not hyperactive.

[–] Coelacanth@feddit.nu 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah I am personally not a fan of the new terminology as it only seems more confusing.

[–] MrScottyTay@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 weeks ago

It's because the differences between them are less distinct and the names are just more of an indicator of which side you lean to the most for how it affects you.

[–] RedSnt@feddit.dk 3 points 4 weeks ago

Aye, although I like to say that instead of being "hyper" I'm "hypo".

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

There h is always there, just not always visible on the outside

[–] Gismonda@lemmy.world 1 points 3 weeks ago

That’s a great point - my brain is always flippity-flopping but you’d never know it by looking at my RBF

[–] billwashere@lemmy.world 7 points 4 weeks ago

Especially when you’re older and tired all the time anyway.

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

"Why do you think you have ADHD? You're so successful!"

[–] Wiz@midwest.social 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

When I hear that, I am inwardly proud of myself in spite of being ADHD.

It feels like the rest of the world is running on a flat surface, and I'm running uphill. It's not fair, but it is what it is.

[–] exasperation@lemm.ee 3 points 4 weeks ago

I attribute most of my success to luck, but also in finding a career path in my 30's that actually rewarded my neurodivergence. I took 6 years to finish undergrad, after changing majors a few times. I started and aborted 3 different career fields before finding the one that works for me and actually gives me an opportunity to use different knowledge and interests across completely unrelated fields. Now that I'm a lawyer in civil litigation, I only need to have knowledge and experience in court procedure, but most of my work is spent on research techniques and translating the real world messiness of whatever random thing has gone wrong into proper analogies for legal arguments. My tendency towards new rabbit holes to explore actually works at learning a new industry or new company just enough to be able to represent someone in it, and then getting out and starting over to do another thing in another case.

To extend your analogy, it's like I'm in thick brush where running fast on a flat surface isn't the most useful skill. If I were forced to fend for myself in an open field, I'd be fucked, but I thrive where I am because I'm good at the things that matter in this particular environment.

[–] vrighter@discuss.tchncs.de 9 points 4 weeks ago

here! I was also not disruptive to others in a classroom, so obviously I didn't have adhd. I just spent my time reading something else or doodling or something, never able to pay attention

[–] Baphomet_The_Blasphemer@lemmy.world 60 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

I was told as a child that I didn't have ADHD because I was able to sit quietly and read for long periods of time. I was only able to read for long periods if it was a fantasy novel. Now, in my 40s, my doctor was amazed I'd never been diagnosed as, according to them, I'm "textbook."

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Did "long periods of time" define itself as "it was daylight last i looked up from my book" hyperfocus? That's what it was for me 😜

[–] Suck_on_my_Presence@lemmy.world 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

The "I just read a 500 page book in one sitting and now I feel empty inside, like a deflated balloon. I should maybe eat." hyperfocus has always been my style.

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 weeks ago

Por que no los dos?

Leg cramps usually hit me if i don't eat for long enough, doesn't necessarily stop the hyperfocus tho

[–] Omgpwnies@lemmy.world 23 points 4 weeks ago

Also in my 40's and recently diagnosed. I filled out a questionnaire, and the doc asked a few surface-level questions, then proceeded to describe my entire childhood-young adult life. He was not wrong on any detail.

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 4 weeks ago

I feel you

[–] LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 35 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

I don't even really like the term hyperactive. I was diagnosed at 6. I was told I was hyperactive, that I couldn't pay attention. But nothing about why I stimmed, nothing about why my emotional state was unstable and I had trouble properly managing my emotions. Nothing about executive dysfunction, time blindness, hyperfixation, over and under stimulation, or the ways ADHD impacted my ability to socialize. Everyone wants to chalk ADHD up to one thing. But it isn't. My peers at school wouldnt bully me because of being hyperactive but rather because of my failure to understand the nuances of social rituals no one explained to me. They would bully me because I stimmed especially when I did so verbally. I didn't even know those things were related to my ADHD. I genuinely just believed there was something fundamentally wrong about me that I could never fix. Once I stopped taking Ritalin in grade six because my mom decided I didn't need it anymore, I started to just receive constant ableist abuse from everyone in my life. I was always made to feel that it was my fault I was this way, my personal fault that I couldn't do group projects or get homework or projects done. I'd score poorly on everything I did in school despite being smart and capable of learning well on my own. This was always made out to be a personal failing of my own, and not a direct consequence of my untreated ADHD combined with a system wholly unsympathetic to my experience.

ADHD is so misunderstood by neurotypical people. It's wild talking to women who haven't been diagnosed and describe in vivid detail all the forms of ableist abuse they've suffered their entire lives. Incredible being able to recognize the commonalities in our stories. Society is incredibly punishing for neurodivergent people. It is only around other neurodivergent people that I really feel able to be myself, to this day. I have helped several women get diagnosed purely by recommendation after becoming close friends with them. It's wild how it feels like neurodivergent people subconsciously recognize each other.

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Once I stopped taking Ritalin in grade six because my mom decided I didn't need it anymore, I started to just receive constant ableist abuse from everyone in my life. I was always made to feel that it was my fault I was this way, my personal fault that I couldn't do group projects or get homework or projects done. I'd score poorly on everything I did in school despite being smart and capable of learning well on my own. This was always made out to be a personal failing of my own, and not a direct consequence of my untreated ADHD combined with a system wholly unsympathetic to my experience.

Perfectly summed up my experience. Parents took me off meds (straterra in my case) due to concerns about not eating enough, everything downhill from there for the exact same reasons.

Trying to get re-diagnosed as an adult (parents lost/shredded childhood records...) and got hit with a variation of "since you're not trying, you must be happy as you are" from a psychologist that listed ADHD as a specialty...

[–] RedSnt@feddit.dk 12 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Trying to get re-diagnosed as an adult (parents lost/shredded childhood records…) and got hit with a variation of “since you’re not trying, you must be happy as you are” from a psychologist that listed ADHD as a specialty…

There definitely seem to be this mentality of "if you made it this far, then it's not serious" attitude to adult diagnoses.

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Thank you!! I could not for the life of me put into words the vibe i got from that appointment.

"You made it this far, you seem fine"

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 6 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I'd respond back that a person stuck walking on a narrow ledge seems fine, too. Nevermind that the slightest push could destroy everything. Nevermind that the wind can be pretty strong up there and it never seems to stop. Nevermind that the person may have only just now realized that not everybody lives their whole lives fighting to keep their balance, and that they actually can reach out for help.

Imagine if rescuers finally arrived and said, "They've made it this far. They must be fine," and left. How heartless would that be considered?

I wish I were surprised to hear that a woman's experiences were dismissed by medical professionals. Unfortunately, I understand it all too well. I've developed an annoying habit of explaining things that nobody asked about, in anticipation of being treated with mistrust. It's yet another habit on the long list of things I have to be perpetually mindful of whenever I'm interacting with anybody (except my closest friends, who by and large are fellow ADHD/autists.)

[–] mm_maybe@sh.itjust.works 7 points 4 weeks ago

I'll be honest, it has really prevented me from accepting the fact that I screened positive as an adult for ADHD based on other symptoms, because I'm older and when I was in elementary school non-hyperactive ADHD wasn't really much of a thing. (Side rant: why can't we go back to calling it ADD if it's not hyperactive? Why did they ever decide to erase the distinction and call them the same thing?) But having a son with non-hyperactive ADHD has forced me to admit that it exists, and see signs of it in myself. Unfortunately the side effects of meditation are not worth it in my case, so I can't do much with this insight.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 1 points 4 weeks ago

hyperactivity is the only symptom that went away, all the other ones got worse

[–] felykiosa@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 weeks ago

OH GOD IT SOOO ME . The first time I suggested that I had adhd I told a family member who is psy , because "he know better than me" , he made me do like 4simple exercise and told me "nan you are just a little bruned out". And this is how I lost 1year and a half of diagnostic , and one day I consulted a psychiatrist and could you guess what I had ? ADHD YAY

[–] orca@orcas.enjoying.yachts 5 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I got lucky as a kid. I’ve struggled with executive dysfunction my entire life and was diagnosed in the 90s, but I had teachers that helped me catch up on my work and devise ways to track progress. They had me keep a journal and I would write down a checklist of school work I had to finish. I remember one day when I was finally caught up on all my work, one of my teachers had me announce it to my peers in class, and they cheered me on. It was nice to experience the feeling of getting a win and not constantly being behind. I had a couple teachers that were patient and kind, and would help me work through stuff I was slow at or just generally struggled with.

When I got to high school, it was a different story. If I struggled and fell behind, no one was there to help, or they simply didn’t have the time due to how full my classes were. I remember in anatomy and physiology, we all got partnered up so we could dissect things with another set of hands. My partner transferred out of class almost immediately and that’s when I knew I was cooked. When I couldn’t keep up, we met with my teacher and he refused to acknowledge that I was struggling, nor offer any help. I remember saying to him “dude… I have an F in your class…” and got nothing back. I ended up transferring out of the school entirely.

My upbringing was a mixed bag. I don’t remember being called lazy outright, but it was definitely conveyed. When I finally got a diagnosis and tried meds, they put me to sleep in class because they weren’t intended for non-hyperactive adhd like what I had. I quit taking them immediately because of how much worse they made things. It was all still such uncharted territory back then that a diagnosis was essentially a dice roll.

I’ve definitely felt the sting multiple times of feeling looked down on, like I was less intelligent. That’s the worst of it all. I didn’t care as much about the lazy labels as I did the intelligence labels. I had a college reading level in 6th grade, I was great in biology and science, but I was “slow” in everything else.

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