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submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

What hurts is that people treat it like I am doing this obsessive, unnecessary thing when in reality the amount I say sorry is perfectly tailored to the amount that I am randomly (random only from my perspective of course) pissing people off all the time around me with my actions. Which in practice means I say sorry all the fucking time.

Those same people that tell me not to say sorry I have pushed to the edge of their tolerance of me many times, and the ONLY thing I can do in those situations is say sorry in a genuine way. People really dont fucking understand having an intimate familiarity with those moments where someone is seriously pissed off at you and not only wants a practical explanation for why you fucked up but more importantly they need an emotional explanation that squares your apparent desire to be a good person/worker with the fact that you just massively fucked up something in a way that sure makes you look like a lazy, uncaring person. I have no agency in those moments, I am basically an 18 wheeler smashing through someone else's life but I have no brakes and LITERALLY the only thing I can do in that moment to make the situation better is apologize simply but genuinely in a way that conveys how hurt I am by own actions too.

Of course, the ones that love me always return to their more patient selves and apologize for getting frustrated with me, but apologies mean nothing to the memory in my body of feeling like I am always sliding towards seriously aggravating someone and hurting my relationship with them. Further it is only a learned, constant input of willpower and constant attentiveness that keeps me from constantly blowing past people's threshold of patience for me in moment to moment interaction and also in broader life contexts. An absolutely necessary survival strategy for me has been learning to constantly "manually breath" with my experience of reality so that I don't slip back into autonomic behaviors that immediately cause friction with the environment and people around me.

Saying sorry a lot is my way of double checking my social awareness and making sure I am not missing the fact that now I am just yelling at everybody for no reason because I am excited about the conversation or something. When people react with "hey, stop saying sorry!" the consequences are they are mildly annoyed at being asked the question, but when it opens up a conversation about something I have been doing that is genuinely annoying people around me it can often be the ONLY thing that saves me and others from a lot of unnecessary suffering. It also, and I can't stress the importance of this enough, is often the only thing that can halt someone from developing a narrative about who I am that is wildly inaccurate (I don't care, I am lazy, I don't like working).

The world is going to have to become a hell of a lot more accommodating and accepting of ADHD before I stop saying "sorry!" all the time and it is frustrating that people get upset at me for using a perfectly rational coping strategy in a society extremely hostile to my disability. Its like, people don't want to see the amount of effort I have to put into not being a burden on others because it stresses them out and feels like a broken record.... and sometimes I just get so angry and sad feeling like... yes that is exactly what it is like to be in my head 24/7, I am sorry you had to briefly experience that?

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submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

When texting people in general I find it frustrating that people don’t seem to view it as a conversation. If someone texts me and I catch it and text back right away, I get frustrated when people don’t return the favor. They might text back 5, 10, minutes or an hour or more later. Why did you text me if you didn’t want to have a conversation? Why am I the one sitting here waiting for a response?

It’s like someone sitting down across from at a table and asking you “Hey, how ya doin?” You respond “Great! what’s up?” and they just sit there for 10 minutes not saying anything.

Might be the whisper of ASD in my ADHD contributing to not understanding how this social interaction actually works vs how I think it should work.

Anyone else have this grinding their gears?

E: apparently it’s just me!

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

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submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

So I don't normally reach out to a group of strangers for emotional support. I worry about failing to communicate my views and I'm pretty "sensitive", but I don't like to be coddled either. But I've been lurking here and, while there are many viewpoints and voices, as a whole, I see this community as being considerate and supportive.

I had my first appointment with a mental health professional yesterday. This is after a year or so of realizing that I might have ADHD. I went down the rabbit hole for a couple of months, talked to my primary care and got a referral and everything! Heck, I even followed up with the clinic when they didn't reach out to me as they said they would (gasp!). I occasionally display a moderate level of adult proficiency and sort of need to as a middle aged man.

The practitioner was lovely and she did her thing. I work in healthcare as well, so much of the structure was obvious even if the specifics were outside my field. She sends me the screen and gets the office to call me to schedule a follow up.

And I feel myself stalling again. If I look-feel at myself, I feel anxiety about being labeled. I personally don't think it's a bad thing to get a diagnosis; however, there are those who say it doesn't matter, but they aren't aware of their feelings enough to say otherwise. Sorry for being cryptic. In particular, I worry about future job prospects if needed. I always want to perform my job at the highest level I am able to and it would suck to have something that should be seen as just neutral become a liability.

Second concern lies with family members. I have a loving family, but some of the older generation view mental health conditions as a personal failing. It's funny because we have members of the family in the generation below me that have an ADHD diagnosis and there is a loving acceptance of that fact. However, being a grown, I suspect that they would see it as character flaw and a personal failing. I've soft drop the idea that I believe that I have this condition.

The next thing I was hoping to hear about is people's relationship to masking and choosing not to mask. For years, I've accept that I'm a bona fide weirdo. Many love and accept it even if it's a bit too much at times. But it's sort of unfamiliar to be my weirdo self and realize that I spend a lot of time keeping it at bay. Heck, writing this message makes me wonder if I'm masking or leaning into my over-explainer self. (For the most part I'm enjoying the process, so I'll keep on keeping on).

Finally, I didn't follow adult ADHD screening sent to me my the mental health practitioner. It was emotionally difficult swing from "Holy shit ... I know that." to "I know that and I a fucking failure". The shame and depression is real and I've struggled with it for years. I only hinted at it in the interview with the practitioner. As I gain trust in her skill and competency, I imagine that I'll share more with her.

Oh and meds! I'm glad to hear that meds have helped so many! I tend to be medication hesitant in general. I can see it being part of a management regime. However, I lack the clarity to contextualize its role in a long term strategy which is seated in a long term goal. If you have been medication hesitant, let me know what helped you decide one way or the other. And if you use the meds, I'd love to hear if you situate it in a long term goal and strategy for managing the condition. Sorry for the big ask.

Geez. ... I guess the last thing I hate is thinking that I can't just be me for everyone. I have to have zipped myself up in a certain way and even use meds to do it. I think this is the rawest thing that I'm feeling. Apologies if I come of as prickish. I think I need to wrestle with this more and find loving acceptance for society and myself in society. I am generally a fan of doing what you have to do to be in this world. Be kind to yourself. Be careful not to hurt others.

Alright. Preachy oversharing done. I know this needs a proofing and am tapped out. Cheers!

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submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Context:

For the last month I’ve been on an absolute tech binge on reading up and tinkering with hacking ps vitas and other general computer faffing about.

This has lead me to not only purchasing not one, but two ps vitas in the last month, and spending basically every waking hour reading documentation, looking up new homebrews and plugins, and actually working on getting these things implemented.

Additionally, carrying around a tiny baby console has reignited but also a impulse purchasing a new handheld gaming pc. Now I already have a fairly decent one, an aya neo 2021, so 16gb ram, a 4800u processor, 1tb storage, etc. This baby’s literally been able to handle everything I’ve thrown at it, with the exception of Baldur’s Gate.

But now I’m really getting bothered by how heavy and big it is. So what do I do? I buy a GPD Win 4 on an impulse because it’s only a little bit larger than the vita, but has many many many pluses compared to my current pc (32gb ram, a 34% faster processor, 2tb storage, an on unit keyboard, a mini mouse trackpad, rear buttons (honestly one of the main things I miss about the xbox pro controller), etc). I’m still going to use the aya, I’ll set it up as a pseudo desktop of sorts probably, or use it when I do want that bigger screen.

But man I feel absolutely worn out from this. It’s been a ninth of just solid obsession and being unable to think about anything else. Not to mention the money I’ve spent that I really ought to be saving. And the worst part is I know there’s very little I can do to break out of it.

At least the comp I know im going to be using, the vita I think the fixation will die out once it’s all set up and configured... I think I enjoy the tinkering more than I will actually using it.

Does anyone else feel the same after a hyperfixation binge? It’s gotta be similar to stims making us tired right? Finally found something that releases the dopamine, and now it’s a tidal wave. Not to mention just the go go go go obsessive thinking 24/7. And it certainly doesn’t help that being so focused on this instead of literally everything else means I’ve missed my meds more times in the last few weeks than I have actually remembering them. Gotta love a self fulfilling prophesy eh?

Anyway, anyone else have a similar hyperfixation story they feel like sharing?

And I fully accept this is far too much to read lmao

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submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

When reading about the shortage, they always write about Europe or America. This got me wondering, is there an issue in Asia? if not could we order from there?

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Adhd songs (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

What are some songs that make you feel like they may be about ADHD or the ADHD experience?

Here are some of mine. I love these but man I feel seen and heard and felt in these pieces.

Piece of Shit: wet leg Everything is boring: the beaches Edge of Town: Middle Kids

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submitted 4 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I strongly suspect that I have ADHD, but I can't see the benifit of getting diagnosed.

I know that if I get diagnosed and offically have ADHD I can get some medicine but I don't think I want that in any case.

Can you share your experience and what benifit you got from getting offically diagnosed?

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

After being switched to a new manufacturer for my generic adderall XR this last month I have been feeling spaced out, unable to concentrate and fatigued. I also noticed other people having problems online the last few weeks.

And for anyone that wants to say "it's all in your head, generics are the same" this manufacturer had a citation from the FDA this December failing on multiple points of "quality control":

FDA Data Dashboard

The citation's details states the following (summarized because the text boxes are images and not actual text...):

The responsibilities/procedures are not in writing and fully followed

Separate/defined areas to prevent contamination are deficient regarding holding of rejected components, drug product containers and closures before disposition

Buildings used in manufacture and holding of drug products are not well maintained

Equipment used in manufacture, processing, packing or holding of drug products is not appropriate design to facilitate operations for intended use

Equipment and utensils are not cleaned and maintained at appropriate intervals to prevent contamination that would alter the safety, identity, strength quality or purity of drug product

Despite there being no guarantee drug is the proper dosage or even that the drug is pure and uncontaminated the FDA had taken no action or even warned them formally.

I literally do not understand how this drug is being sold right now.

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submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I was initially given Ritalin (10mg pills) to try out; I cut them into four pieces each and spread it over the next month and a half. It worked well, allowed me to work, and felt 'smooth'.

I ran out, found that they are expensive here (I was diagnosed and prescribed a week of pills - 14 - initially in Taiwan), and went to Thailand (neighbouring country) to get more. Turns out the place I went to only had Rubifen, a generic variant. It was about the same as I paid for Ritalin so I thought why not, and got enough to get me through the next year.

Fast forward a month and a half... when I am on my 'off' days (Sat & Sun, when I don't need to work or study), I am now reacting to things pretty badly. I snapped at my partner very easily, I almost put a window through because I knocked a bottle over, and generally had a miserable weekend. With Rubifen, I feel fine, able to complete tasks, work and whatnot. Without it I'm not sure I should be around other people. Is this normal? Will it level off or should I go and get something else instead?

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Med Supply Question (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Idk if this is allowed but I'm out of options. Does anyone have any tips on finding any pharmacy with Vyvanse/Lisdexamfetamine in stock? Every place near me seems to have been out of stock for 3 months now and it's killing me. Any help would be much appreciated.

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Heyo Newbie Question here (discuss.tchncs.de)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

So I recently got my diagnosis and a RitalinLA prescription. I started with 10mg and am now on 20mg. The problem is, that I don't feel any difference. I don't take it on weekends, so I have regular references, but everything is still the same. For reference I'm an early twenties male. Did anyone have similar experiences and if so, was it just a dosage issue? Because I feel like there should be some effect at least.

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submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I was perfectly on time this morning when I woke up (which is rare) and everything was going smoothly until my routine was interrupted due to a phone call from my Mom and I forgot to take my meds before work.

I didn't realize I did until about an hour into my shift and something felt off. I had doubts as I was getting ready for work but my doc said to never take extra. (Edit: and remembering what it was like going from 40mg to 60mg I definitely didn't want to accidentally take 2)

I was a bit too scattered (best way to describe it) and even my coworker noticed I was a lot more talkative than usual.

And then it hit me, I didn't remember taking my meds in the morning and saying the date.

By 4 hours into my shift my stomach felt off, and by the 9th hour I had a headache creeping in.

Unfortunately I got home within 12 hours (more like 10) of when I normally take my meds, so I've got to wait.

On the plus side I bought a pill organizer today so it'll be easier to know if I missed my dose as I will be able to see if I did or not pretty easy.

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submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Example: I take medication and lately caffeine helps with my ADHD so lately every morning I’ve been drinking coffee and tea.

I used to drink sodas but the sugar doesn’t help, so I had to cut back on the sodas I used to drink.

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submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I head up a small community for fans of a niche indie brand. The founder is doing an event in Japan with an exclusive item for people who attend! I was so excited and was looking into booking a plane ticket to go!

However.. turns out that Japan has a law that absolutely forbids stimulant medication in the country. And, no, I don't really want to upend my regimen of 8 years and risk going on a new medication for the trip.

I'm really shattered, as I wanted to attend this cool event and meet up with other enthusiasts. It really hurts to be barred from an opportunity like this.

I hate ADHD. I really do.

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submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I need all your tips, tricks and ideas - both to help my kid get started on and finish her work, and to help me get through it. Because currently it’s painful for both of us. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin, sitting with her and trying to make myself stay focused so I can help her stay on task.

What does your evening look like? How often do you take breaks and what do you do during the break? Do you have any fidgets, wiggle chairs, etc., that you keep in the “homework area” for them to use while they’re doing their homework? Anything you’ve learned almost always derails things?

What we’ve tried so far (she’s in 4th grade):

  • Do one entire item (ex: worksheet, reading passage, spelling list) then take a break and do something fun - this works for some things but others we’re sitting there for 20-30 minutes struggling to finish it
  • Set a timer and do as much as she can in 10-15 minutes then take a break - this works well at the start each evening but each time it’s more of a struggle for both of us to come back and do more homework. I feel like it may be too many transitions for our tired, end-of-day executive functioning abilities (or lack thereof).
  • Earn a small piece of candy for each question answered, math problem solved, etc. - This works well for math, but I don’t like to use it before we eat dinner, and usually we do at least some homework before dinner.

I just want to help her find some skills she can use to tackle “have to do” things - because as we all know it’ll be a daily struggle even as adults (at least during the work week).

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magnesium (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/14467929

The effects of magnesium physiological supplementation on hyperactivity in children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Positive response to magnesium oral loading test - PubMed

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Accomodations? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I've heard people talk about asking for accommodations at work for their ADHD but I have not really heard of any examples of accommodations that have been given for this reason.

If you have accommodations at work, can you share what they are and if you feel like they have been helpful?

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submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Does anyone else feel a degree of imposter syndrome with work, like it's only matter of time until you can't work around your ADHD enough to avoid problems and everything falls apart?

I'm currently provisionally diagnosed with ADHD, pending further testing. I managed to get a degree and was working for a few years when someone recommended I get tested where I proceeded to finally pass this one test with flying colors...

My experience with work is that in the beginning, my attitude and enthusiasm to learn tends to give my bosses the impression that I have so much potential.

Then, cue the slow car crash that is me failing to meet that potential, then the cracks starting to show due to disorganisstion or task paralysis in my work, eventually putting me in a position where my competency is questioned and I'm falling behind on work because I'm struggling to meet (imo) great expectations that might seem realistic to neurotypical people, but is a struggle for me.

Then I jump ship to a new job, and the cycle restarts.

I thought I had a handle on my latest job. Stayed for just over a year. I thought this was it, I wasn't an imposter, I was finally fitting in. Then cracks, and everything fell apart and I'm now at risk of losing my job again. I tried my best, and I just feel disappointed in myself, like even I can't trust myself to do things right even at max effort.

This sucks.

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submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

So I recently started to recognize a lot of the behaviors associated with ADHD. I was and still am in doubt whether I have ADHD or not, but some specific events caused me to ask my doctor to refer me for a diagnosis. I was actually doing quite OK-ish this year, after having struggled with self-worth, short depressive episodes and mild trauma in the recent past. But I noticed that I started to have trouble focusing again as the newness wore off after my career change. And I got called out by my friends for "acting ADHD". Which did not sound unusual at all.

So I got the referral, went through the intake with shrink 1, did an adult ADHD diagnosis with shrink 2. The diagnosis involved me and my mom answering questions about the presence of ADHD symptoms now and in my early childhood (5-12 yo). Basically, now I do have almost all of the characteristics, though they often are erratic (no problems studying, huge difficulties with household tasks, work productivity varies orders of magnitude day to day) and often not noticed by others (my average productivity in a month is great, though many days I feel shit due to not being able to do what I am supposed to).

In childhood, no symptoms were found. Zero. Partly because everyone in my family is forgetful and mom picks up stuff after everyone all the time, I was constantly reminded/pushed/supported and did not really have the opportunity to forget things (though I still did) and partly because like now, many of these things happen in my head and are not noticeable in the averages that others see. Except when I'm talking too much and interrupting people but I guess thats acceptable when children do it.

Maybe I don't have ADHD. Maybe it's something else. Maybe the shrink misunderstood me.

But I feel shit right now. The title is what I had pre-planned to say to people about the outcome and if they say again "don't act so ADHD". I can say it with a laugh and everyone thinks I'm funny and quirky.

But the truth is, I feel misunderstood. I feel like a failure for having fallen into an ADHD phenotype even though I am hugely privileged and have none of the baggage so many people here do. No childhood trauma, no school/grades problems, no poverty.

I can't help but feel that my behavior is my fault, as is wasting health professionals time, who could have helped someone who actually needed it. Shrink 1 is on "long-term sick leave" now. She got stressed by me clicking things constantly during the (remote) interviews. Another thing to feel guilty about.

Best case now is that they diagnose me with some sort of anxiety disorder now. I have been reading a book on autism that I found and it somewhat satisfies my yearning for closure and community in what the author finds, but it also makes it extra painful that I don't have that.

I don't have ADHD, I just am super annoying. And I need to deal with that and it's not actually all that funny.

I'm sorry for the wall of text. Thanks for sharing your stories and memes and goodbye!

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submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Recently I feel like I'm working, sleeping, or waiting for work to start. I hate it, I can't figure out how to break this waiting mode. Does anyone have any advise?

EDIT: That ADHD moment where you see loads of people have given great advice, but there's so much it's overwhelming! Thank you all, I'll try and go through and implement what I can

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submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

I'm going to assume you've heard the stereo-panning version of the record player song that did the rounds.

However, searching for more like this, I can only seems to find shitty low-effort remixes of songs with someone swiping the entire audio track back and forth, without timing it to the actual notes of the song or putting distinct elements in their own space or any of the actually cool counterpointy stuff you could do with this.

Has anyone found any that don't suck?

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Understanding ADHD (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Hey everyone, I saw a community called ADHD Talk, but it's got no users, so I came here instead.

I like this community because it provides a lot of funny contexts for the difficulties I come across in understanding my diagnosis, and some honest stories from other ADHD people (victims? Possessors?, Space cadets?)

It's also hard because, like some legitimate OCD possessing members that groan at every mild example of specificity, it's hard to filter out the general decrease of attention spans due to technological advances/rapid cuts used in animation from other people trying to understand and live with a diagnosed disorder.

Anyways, hoping I can make some new friends here (which despite being very social in person and 33 years old, I haven't figured out how to make friends online somehow?)

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Time management (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

It was a phone call. That's literally it. I spent months procrastinating making a phone call that ended up being short and virtually painless.

view more: next ›

ADHD

8610 readers
81 users here now

A casual community for people with ADHD

Values:

Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.

Rules:

Encouraged:

Relevant Lemmy communities:

Autism

ADHD Memes

Bipolar Disorder

Therapy

Mental Health

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.

founded 8 months ago
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