The Onion

Isn't the onion supposed to be satire?

Gotta make sure ol' 2-scoops gets the biggest basket.

Low IQ Resident President unnecessarily insults some of the most vulnerable amongst us —does it matter whether it’s true??? He’s done it every waking hour of every day of his pathetic existence

The secret service had to help.
(Some of the kids were killed, some deported, rip.)

Like a true winner, he had secret service agents knock over the other kids and steal the candy in their baskets. Their parents are now in a gulag in Siberia, and the kids are on a prison work detail in a coal mine. Take that, losers.

I tried fact checking this but I remember Trump telling me this once at our sleepovers back when he was on the apprentice and I had a mid-sized Greek bakery on 45th street in Manhattan. He’d come in sometimes but never ordered anything. He said he liked the smell in there.

Obviously fake news! Trump couldn't be assed to run around grabbing eggs on the lawn, that sounds way more strenuous than golf.

Totally unrealistic... he would have just taken the baskets from the kids, then sent them to an El Salvador death camp.

I totally ate this onion.

I was ready to believe this was real

Haha! Well worth a read, lol!

I'd like to see him try to bend over to pick something up.