this post was submitted on 22 Mar 2025
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top 46 comments
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[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Dolphins are smart enough to know that "taking over" just means responsibility and stress.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

squirrels will be next

think about it: apes were successful because they had hands (for climbing trees). Guess who else is climbing trees and has tiny little hands? squirrels.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Nah, raccoons or another ape is my guess. Raccoon hands are freakishly human.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I have 2 raccoons and their greed will be their downfall. They’re so adorable but I can’t give them loving without them giving me a pat down and checking my pockets for any goodies. Once they’re done mugging me THEN they’re all kisses and hugs hahaha

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Sounds like my nephew 😂

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Wait your turn sea dog. There are at least 5 different flavors of doritos we haven't discovered yet.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

They could've stopped at Purple and my life would be fulfilled enough.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

You don't see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

If you've ever read the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy then you'd already know these bastards are just gonna peace out when things get real. So long and thanks for all the fish they'll say as they abandon us to our untimely demise.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

They did warn humanity, but they talked to the only sane human on the planet who couldn't convince anyone else.

What else are they supposed to do?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

Sadly I can’t seem do find it anymore, but there used to be a fake org called the anti-dolphin coalition, claiming that dolphins were in control of all world governments and could kill you with brain lasers or something, among all kinds of other lunacy. It was a good chuckle back in the day.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

So I’m sure how we conceive of being the dominant species is biased. But if we talk about civilizations and their ability to eventually propagate beyond earth, I don’t think dolphins have it. Their ancestry tried out land and said “nah, back to the water”. Not to mention anything we do that takes humans out of the equation entirely is going to probably kill off the dolphins, apes, elephants, basically most of the mammalians. It’ll be so long before something evolves to take our place as “earthlings” all our works will be fossils at best

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

On this note; given that it's suspected that Earth has only a good ~800 million years or so left, that may not even be enough time for another sentient species to emerge with enough time to become technologically sufficient enough to .. avert extinction -- much less undo some of the damage that we have done. We have to grapple with the idea that if we fail as a species, we'll be the only and last sentient species on Earth to have emerged. Or as I like to call it: Get filtered, nerd.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

Jokes on them, we'll acidify the ocean

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

Don't malign the whole species from some evildoers. ADAB - All Dolphins Aren't Bad

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

yeah, but, like, human level evil?

have we talked to them enough to know?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

I for one welcome our new dolphin overlords

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Crows can use tools and won't need vehicles to travel. Dolphins don't stand a chance.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

Corvid supremacy! They'll be the first to operate ancient human technology no doubt

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago (2 children)

You're forgetting octopi, otters, squids, and maybe ants or other social insect.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

There is a sciemce fiction book on that, from Ray Bradbury.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Octopi are fundamentally against the concept of society. Squid are more open to it but are hard pressed to achieve anything since they die after mating.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

Cuttlefish? And crabs!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Honestly it’s not too difficult to do a better job than us

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

Nah dolphins would fuck it up too. I don't think they got this.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Nah, they'll peace out as soon as the bulldozers show up

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

yep. they showed up at the latest landing, they want to hitch a ride off this place. so long and thanks for all the fish!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago

So, same as now. :/

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Nah it won't be dolphins, they don't have appendages that can do fine manipulations

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The dolphins and octopods will go to war over who inherits the earth

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

*octopodes (pronounced, I am reliably informed, like a Greek hero!)

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Octopodes nuts 😎

Please downvote me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

Two words. Prehensile. Penis.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 days ago (1 children)

My money's on squid. Super intelligent. Social. Fine dexterity.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

Immune to acid ocean waters?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

Oh yeah, well good luck doing shit without hands and feet!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

Looks like the dolphins are- AND THE SNAILS ARE GETTING IN THE RING WITH STEEL CHAIRS!?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Waits for the Great filter like a absolute boss

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

I was told it would be monkey squids.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 days ago (1 children)

So long, and thanks for all fish

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

It hits different when you realize it’s the humans that are leaving.