Ask Lemmy

I've read through all the replys here, so I'm not gonna suggest something that's already been suggested. You've already given your opinion on therapy, and on changes/new things.

Let me start by telling you this. You say you don't have a bright future to wait for. My friend, none of us have. Your future is what you make it to be. You set your own course and build your bright future yourself, no one else is gonna do it for you. That's life, and that's what makes it beautiful.

If therapy doesn't work for you, that's fine. I personally don't believe in medication for these kinds of issues, but that's my opinion. Try meditating. Seriously, it does wonders. Start with a few minutes a day and gradually increase, doesn't have to be hard. It's gonna make you into the kind of person who takes a step back and thinks about life.

I do agree with others here that it sounds like you need to find your purpose. Purpose isn't necessarily something you actively look for, sometimes it's just something that pops into your head. For example when meditating or doing other things that don't require any active thinking.

Also, one more thing: If you don't like doing new things, try removing something. Take a digital detox, as I like to call it. I do it from time to time, and I always enjoy it and I come back with renewed energy and motivation for life. Just a few days or a week where you don't open any social media, digital entertainment (music, streaming, web surfing etc.) or anything else not strictly necessary. You're gonna be bored first, I'll tell you that. But then you're gonna find out how nice it actually is. You're gonna start craving for something to do, and if the rule of digital detox is set in your mind, you're gonna start finding new things to fill your time with. Like taking a walk or reading a book. Though it does require determination.

What I like to do when I'm in a digital detox period, is to remove entertainment focused apps from my home screen on my phone, and then put my screen in black & white (called reading mode on some phones) to make it "boring". That's definitely gonna help you.

Life is short, please make something out of it, for your own sake.

As others have said, find a professional. It can take alot of tries before you find the right person, but it's extremely helpful when you find the right person.

As someone with ADHD I also get anxiety with changes in my day-to-day events. My coping mechanism for a while has been coming up with practical contingency plans. That makes it so I at least have an idea of what to do and at what point there is nothing left to do. It's helped me get through many situations.

As for your future and social problems, those likely need some personal analysis and personal change (professionals are meant to help with this). A lack of future is often not an actual lack, it's usually a personal failure at seeing other potentials, seeing a new path to follow. It's sometimes called learned helplessness and can be hard to deal with alone. Becoming antisocial (not wanting any human interaction) is also usually a difficult thing and is usually caused by a personal neuroticism. But we need purpose as humans, and we also need comradery quite often.

Thinking of yourself as a collection of habits can be helpful for this. You should be asking yourself what exactly makes you upset about about other people, and try to relate it to something about yourself.

You can't change other people, but you can change how you react to other people. Quite often that requires a shift of perspective that acknowledges that you are a biased viewer enterpretting a limited view. Instead of "people talking about themselves are annoying" for example, "I am bothered by people when they talk about themselves" can be more useful. That way, you are talking about the emotional response you have to others rather than the perceived traits of others - your lense is now focusing on you instead of on others.

That's all I've got. The path to being content is difficult, and I wish you luck.

Therapy

Change your name and/or pronouns. Half joking, a lot of us live overcast lives as a result of feeling trapped in someone else's life. If you don't have friends then what's there to lose?

There's a meme in Norway for this where professionals always ask "did you try hiking?"

Seriously though did you try hiking? There are no problems in the back country. Or people.

This question is way above Lemmy's pay grade. I hope your situation gets better. People are right in saying that if self-help fails then it's time to give professional help another chance if that's accessible for you.

I do listen to a lot of podcasts and have recently heard something relevant from an expert in the field:

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos: How to Find Your Purpose

Episode webpage: https://omny.fm/shows/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/how-to-find-your-purpose

Media file: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/pscrb.fm/rss/p/pdrl.fm/057e02/tracking.swap.fm/track/SxlTEPDY7xDg35RXkASs/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/96c5c41e-0bc8-4661-b184-ae32006cd726/e1cedd34-b720-49da-98d1-b28f00c5badf/audio.mp3?in_playlist=d623ef0b-3fee-4c26-b815-ae32006cd739

Your post history also indicates that you're routinely steeped in the worst doom news that social media serves up. It seems like it would be worth taking a break from consuming this material and find alternative ways to spend your time.

Such thoughts can be very overwhelming, ever present, consuming. Imagine swimming against a strong current. Sometimes it's important to just take a break. Get out of the stream and watch it rush by. Of course you can't stay out forever, there are factors beyond your reach, it pulls you back in. But the best bet to beat the pull of this vortex is to try and create as many of these breaks as possible. Small as they may be. While you rest, consider the advice in this thread. It's benevolent, you know? Consider a dialectic position. For every bad thing that pulls you down, think about a good thing that lifts you up too. Literature can be powerfull too, in that you might discover descriptions, states and emotions in which you find yourself in a way you never could phrase it yourself. It's all about a balance of "being seen", receiving empathy, regaining agency and changing perception.

Get a dog. Always happy to see you when you get home, will pester you relentlessly into moderate excercise, #1 wingman for meeting friends or significant others.

Life is like a garden. If you want to sit around and curse at the thistles and weeds, you can, but they will continue to grow as you fixate on them. If you see beauty and follow it, then cultivate it, you will be in a beautiful garden. It’s not instantaneous, and it takes work. The work starts in your mind. Negative thoughts will blind you to good opportunities. If you don’t know where you’re going, any place will get you there. Maybe a good place to start is finding the tolerable humans, and see where it takes you.

This is a discussion to have with professionals in a professional setting. No one here is responsibly equipped to answer this in a chat forum. This obviously includes me.

That being said, I do not think about the future - live your life second-by-second.

Despite what people say, life is not meant to be enjoyed. We live in a time of lawlessness and over-abundance, so people often equate life with enjoying things. At your core, you are a biological package of electrical circuits and tools. When you do something your body deems beneficial, you enjoy it (as in signals reward your brain).

If you want to enjoy, then a general tip is to return to the fundamentals. Eat healthy food, exercise, explore, learn, and talk to people in real life. If this doesn't work, then you need to speak with a professional (probably a therapist) to find what does.

Hating humans is not viable, you simply need to stop that. This is not to say let yourself be abused and runover, but you need to form bonds with people - this is our inescapable nature.

Psychedelics

you could start learning c++and contribute to some open sourced games out there

If possible, I recommend therapy. Been relying on it for decades and eventually learned to love myself. Everything good in my life now is because therapy helped me become a better person.

Straight to jail

shit sucks

no fucking doubt about it

antianxiety medicine helps but

really you need to find you

nothing else matters.

once you can understand your self, telling others your limits and expectations is just the flow of life that you're expecting

You can try my method: therapy, medication, and counting the days until I die from heart disease.