I am not wealthy enough to sit on the couch all day
this post was submitted on 20 Dec 2023
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I lament that fact myself every morning before work
My codependency. I completely rely on others for my own validity. If people are busy/don't want to hang, it really upsets me.
I know it burns out my closest friends. I talk to most of them daily and over analyze the fuck out of our friendship if they get busy/distracted.
I'm honestly lucky I still have the ones I do. I'm also starting my first therapy session on 31 Jan so I don't lose the people I have in my life.
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Small talk. Not sure why but it's incredibly difficult for me to initiate a small talk or make it flow nicely from one topic to another. It's a reason i find myself resisting the idea of dating or simply went out to socialise, or even talk to my neighbours. The anxiety always there.
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The longer I know someone/the closer they are with me, the harder time I have acting like myself around them. It gives me anxiety trying to just act like a normal person, I’m suddenly monotone and so muted people can’t hear me.
My family, most longest/closest friends…it’s like they actually don’t know who I am. And my parents are getting older and I can’t act remotely happy or even awake around them. Been this way my whole life.
Holy shit... is there a name for this?? I see myself in your comment
I wish. Because it’d help me get a therapist or help them help me. My old therapist, when I was trying to explain, “the closer I get to someone, the less I can be myself around them,” said something like, “that’s an oxymoron, isn’t it?”
Or it was some shitty, offhand comment like that and then just moved on. Though this is the same guy who, the last time I ever saw him, when I was explaining how sad I felt all the time, how I’d lost all my close friendships because I turned into a shut-in, said “well maybe youre just a melancholy guy.”
I was crying at the time. He never actually helped me with anything. Never pushed me to talk about anything at all except my day to day, like, nothing-important-happened stuff. Fuck that guy.
I do need to find a new therapist, though. I’ve put it off for too long.
Sounds like you need some self love! Don't beat yourself up if you think someone isn't going to like you because you're goofy.
At the end of the day, the people you surround yourself with should be people who love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.
You're probably the most normal person in this thread lol
Maybe I didn’t explain myself. The people I should be most comfortable around, i can’t bring myself to talk to them or be myself. But newer friends/girlfriends see me as however I am. But my family, long term partners and oldest friends? Just see me sanded down, zero personality. I feel like that’s the opposite of normal, from everything ive seen. It’s destroyed all of my long term relationships.
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I've recently noticed how often I say "Part of me thinks," and now it bothers me. I don't even know when it started, or where it came from.
For example, I'll say something like: "Part of me thinks I should put a plant on that shelf."
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My anxiety and inability to handle bad results and criticism. I'm getting better about it, year after year, but it still hurts when I make judgement calls and people are upset.
That there must be something fundamentally unlikable about me but I don't know what it is and nobody seems to want to tell me so that I can change it.
I'm not one to default to "counselor!", but I don't know how else you get an honest opinion.
I don't see how a counselor is going to give me an objective answer when they only know my perception of things. They don't know how I interact with people in real life, no matter how self aware and honest I try to be.
It's worth trying. They can breakdown situations and tell you how it looks from an outside perspective be it something you did or something you said.
Without knowing much, if you're closed off to this idea, maybe you're closed off to the people you're interacting with also?
I went to the local counselor last year and I ready don't like her and do not trust her opinion. It's not a counselor thing in general, but I genuinely don't see how someone with such a limited perspective of my personality could tell me why I cant get people to be my friend or where I'm going wrong when interacting with people. Am I supposed to recall past social interactions so they can critique it based on how I remember it? That doesn't make any sense to me.
You don't have to stick with the same person. Ask for a consult and if you aren't vibing with them just move on.
Social workers, counsellors, therapists are trained to talk through these things and understand your thought process. There are basic needs every human has, and you'd be surprised how they can help you with your own introspection.
It can be mock conversations or real ones, you can talk about how you would typically act or respond to people, and they will help you understand others possible perspectives.
There's a lot a therapist can offer you.
Mental health services in my area are severely limited, unfortunately. We literally have a counselor and an emergency psychiatrist that you have to end up in the psych ward to see. I'd do something about my shortcomings if I had options that were not Better Help, trust me. It's pretty shitty being aware of your problems and having no means of fixing them and I certainly wouldn't choose this path.
Sorry to hear your options are so limited. That's quite unfortunate (seems to be the case for too many people).
Are there any online services in your area? It's not ideal but you could do virtual sessions?
I've been debating whether I want an online service. The privacy issues are a big concern, but so it my and my families mental health. Our only real option here is Telus health and I don't like the idea of it, but I also don't know how far we can go without help. It's a bit of a delicate situation.
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Procrastination. Seriously, I'm meant to be in bed right now!
My inability to both talk to new people, and stop talking once I start. It's like I have to mentally burst through a brick wall, and then can't figure out how to stop.
I feel awkward as fuck.
It's OK to not talk...it is also OK to talk too much
I know at least two times when I was definitely hallucinating in my adult life, which makes me uncertain how many other times I was hallucinating that I don't know about.
Sure your memory of events wasn't scrambled? That's common with our brains. Seeing Yoda sitting on the TV is a different deal.
When I did meth 20-years ago, I had a banger after 3-days. Sat on the phone with my mom, soberly discussing what was happening at my apartment, no idea it wasn't real. People were walking in and out, chatting with me.
We talking that kinda hallucination? A whole story that played out? Or you just see something for a flash, something that couldn't be real?
The first one was a "what I'm seeing can't be real, trucks don't grow lips" and then having to look back on a weird few days and wonder how much of it happened as it appeared.
The more recent one could be a scrambled memory thing, I suppose. It was very "Mandela Effect", the world was one way for a long time and then suddenly it wasnt. I rode past this mural every day on my commute, some basketballer shilling cognac, and the ad read "Never let them see your next move". Then, one day and forever after, it read "Make moves that make movements." There was one specific day I noticed it was different than I remembered, very unsettling.
In effect, if one was a true hallucination (stress, fatigue, now-discontinued energy drink) and the other was an overwritten memory, the result is the same: I can't trust my own brain and the inputs it gives me.
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I'm going with my inability to think about anything that isn't currently in range of my senses.
That bill that needs paid, that doctors appointment, the fact that there's half a gallon of gas in my car, NONE of it exists until I get an email, calendar alert, or I hop in the car and need to be somewhere in 5 minutes.
I have ability to ignore pain, stressful situation and/or things I don't want , it has helped me immensely but also is a problem when I have to understand people's nature , what type they are, it also does not help me control my emotions, when I am excited to meet some one, I will just talk truth to them.
I believe it's kind of like autism, cause I know I should control myself but I really can't it's like I am on cliff and falling down but I can't find the rock to hold onto , I just talk.
Sometimes I feel like I can't clean up because if I put something away I won't remember about it anymore. Imagine the chaos.
My desk at work is scattered with sticky notes and scratch paper. If I clear them before they are resolved EVERYTHING would fall apart.
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For me it's gotta be my shaky hands. I don't know why they're so shaky but it makes typing hard and I have to take pictures multiple times to get one not blurry. Super frustrating!
Whats the drinking situation?
I'll have a cider or two most nights, but that's more of a recent thing. It doesn't go away with alcohol either 😞
Any stimulants?
Nope, don't think so. If you're really curious, I take a couple antidepressants - aripiprazole and desipramine - lithium, and I'll often have weed and alcohol. That's about it for substances.
I would look into the Abillify/aripiprazole
What do you take that for? Antipsychotics (particularly atypical) are terrifyingly overprescrived and often inappropriately in my conjecture.
Treatment resistant depression, they've tried a whole mess of drugs on me over the years lol. This prompted me to message my doctor though, so thanks! Maybe I won't just have to suck it up and deal with this
What antis have you tried? The other thing I was going to mention was what's your sleep deal?
Do you go to sleep roughly and get up at the same time everyday and expose your eyes to bright light? Avoid bright + blue light in the evening? That was a big thing for me that I think a lot of people are doing incorrectly but obviously depression is a multi-headed beast more often than not.
Circadian rhythm and sleep are criminally underexamined areas
Off the top of my head they've tried me with duloxetine, mirtazapine, venlafaxine, sertraline, vilazodone, bupropion, and I've done TMS and ECT. I do go to bed around the same time and get up at the same time, I'm bad at avoiding blue light beforehand though, I could do better there.
What are you using, iPhone or Android phone?
What you should do is
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activate whatever the implementation of orange light at night is. On iOS its called NightShift where it turns screen orange at certain time in evening and back to blue in morning at time you specify.
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Have it set to dark mode at a certain time (try 5-6 hours before bedtime) and off when you get up. It makes everything dark or black rather than white in terms of display backgrounds. I always used Reddit and Lemmy in Black and a lot of apps can use the system setting so everythung is consistent
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Keep the brightness as low as you can tolerate. Brightness is more important than anything but you really need to do all three things. I just reminded myself to turn it down now aha. No wonder I was feeling overstimulated just now :)
Message me now iust real quick and we'll catch up in a few days
I believe that's a symptom of thyroid problems.
I believe I have something to ask my doctor lol
Maybe you need to lay off the pancakes. Too much sugar!
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