IHateCabbage420

I would excommunicate all cabbage farmers and declare a papal bull declaring all poopy butts heretics.

Unsanitary bathrooms are straight from hell. It's genuinely disgusting. It's usually the remote bathrooms in rural roads that are really gross and dirty. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

Then how do people do that without getting their clothes all soaking wet?

In squatting holes they usually have a low pressure shower bidet or a container just pouring water on it and then they scrub it with their hands. It gets your hand dirty but it gets the job done with minimum splashing.

Every description online is like very vauge and overly modest in using a bidet and I just need something explict step by step.

I'm not sure how much it helps but wikihow has a guide.

Yep no poopy butt = no itching.

Generally hygiene is taught by your mom/dad or primary caretaker

It reminds me of the poop knife. Now I wonder what poop knife habits I have that no one else does.

Different per bidet and person but in my experience it doesn't.

I think it's also the effect of using the subway a lot because maybe someone has a very faint smell of shit and you don't notice but when there are lots of people together in a confined tight space with poor conditioning it becomes very noticeable like the magic the gathering tournaments.

I have installed a mirror attachment to my bidet and 3 other mirrors at different angles so that I can look straight and see my butt. Then I pull out my phone, take a picture and send it to an image analysis AI hosted on a cloud broker in germany which has been trained on 20 thousand pictures of my clean ass vs 20 thousand pictures of my dirty ass. Then after that I feed its output to an LLM which gives me back a 5 paragraph essay explaining the situation down there ELI5 style. Then I call an ass specialist on the phone to consult the results with them and finally after the medical panel has been formed and gave their final diagnosis I stand up and wash my hands.

I thank hexbears that dedicate their precious time to archiving funny internet posts. Godspeed.

Most of them are valid I don't want to deny other people's experience.

I have no social filter aka I am an asshole.

Gatorade tastes so shit it honestly belongs in waste water.