chat

She said "i love you so much, but you terrify me"

Just a lot of jealousy and anger on my part, nothing will push a person way faster than those two traits.

Lots of physical compatability on our parts, sex was great, but i did not treat her the best

Hope someone out there takes notes from my mistake.

Had a lovely night and need a little snack before bed. The popcorn maker makes me perfect popcorn everytime no jhudgemnt no questions asked. I live in an otherwise-gizmo-free household, but I do genuinely use this things twice a week on average. What gizmo are you not ashamed of?

I also got an immersion blender for $20 a week ago and used it once to make squash soup. Perhaps that isa second gizmo... It's gotten more use than my microave in the same timespan...

I've been learning for a bit over a week now. Been using the app HelloChinese and some YouTube videos. Also made It a goal for myself by the end of the week to learn about 100 character. To which I was relatively successful at. Though I think I still need some work. The whole tonal thing is a bit confusing to me since I'm a tad deaf when It comes to accents but I think I'm getting the hang of It slowly.

What really motivated me was meeting nice native Chinese folk on Rednote and the current US-China trade war. Hell when I could read the name of the app I was ecstatic lol.

My goal for now is knowing enough to have basic to average conversations and read basic stuff like food menu's and signs. But If I'm still really motivated I might have to learn 2000-3000 characters which is probably enough to read a book.

I'll still see. Not sure what the point of this post was but I hope this motivates ya'll to learn a bit too.

So I just finished my masters in CS and got a job as a junior software engineer. When I first chose CS for my bachelors, I did so because it was somewhat intuitive for me. But I wasn't crazy about it. Thought the interest would grow over time. I've had undiagnosed ADHD throughout my life and thought the difficulties with CS during my bachelor's (which took almost 7 years) was due to the ADHD and not due to lack of interest in the subject. Learned coping strategies and did my master's. Graduated with a 4.0 GPA so I'm not bad at it for sure.

Now I'm medicated and I finally feel like I'm able to be 100% of myself. But despite that, I still just do the tasks at work for the sake of doing it. I like the problem solving aspect but it isn't something I dream about every day. I see my mentor working in the same company live and breathe this stuff and I can tell there is a clear difference in the thought process between both of us. It's easy for him to produce great quality work as he's naturally curious about this stuff. Me, I just try to get it done. It's not lead by curiosity for me. What grabs my interest is stuff like literature, history, linguistics, philosophy, sociology, movies etc. I don't need any incentive for those things. I'm naturally curious about those fields.

Now I'm wondering if I should still stick with software engineering where I'm decently okay but not that curious about it . Or should I consider a career more aligned with the social sciences/humanities? I don't even know what careers are in those fields that would be comparable in terms of pay/growth to software engineering. Is the choice between money and passion or can I have both to some degree in the non-SWE fields?

The candidate looked like a real life version of surrounded by a squad of latina cheerleaders all dancing around him while wearing pants suits.

The epub file I have for A People's History is awful on my Kobo, no real margins anywhere, just a mess. The epub I have of Inventing Reality is full of awful OCR errors because its the Archive.org edition (they do zero editing of the OCR output from what I can tell.)

Are there better copies of these books somewhere?

met a different guy the day after, and 2 days later met another different guy.

I have ADHD. Testing the pills on a higher dosage rn which makes me insane (real). Never allowed myself to think sexual thoughts in public as a teenager in fear of consequences. Never dated, never had experience with a relationship.

I read a lot of resources online and I overthink a lot. Especially with my sexuality. The meds made it easier. The encouragement of my friends also made it easier.

So I downloaded Grindr. I got messaged - the usual. The meds does a funny thing of increasing my libido, makes me a bit more impulsive, gives me more energy and supercharges my heart where it beats fast til no end and so I continued chatting. Which lead to plans being made.

Might even meet another guy later today.

I dont know if im just acting out (other aspects of my life has been really stressful and overwhelming) but I just opened the flood gates and there’s no way to close em back. So many questions about aspects of my sexuality being answered practically instantly.

Planning to take an STI test at a local clinic to establish my baselines in a few days. No doubt the frequency will tone down with time. Should I even worry? Because right now, I love it.

"And then the evil bad cop who was secretly a terrorist manipulates the dumb naive youth into protesting police violence, causing a riot which is used as a distraction for the bad cop to do a bank heist and now it's up to the handsome good cop who doesn't play by the rules to stop the bad cop while rolling his eyes at the dumb leftists who are so easily manipulated by their emotions"

I recently caught my chud family member watching some dumb youtube video about "experts lying about COVID" (yes, chuds are still malding), and like, what's the fucking point anymore?

You can be as gracious, understanding and in good faith as possible, but people will believe whatever nonsense some idiot influencer says is the truth. It makes me so mad, and unable to argue with these people, because their irrationality makes me irrational. Fuck.

Anyway, how are y'all doing?

[...] 'Cause the croc is the mouth of the ocean
This is a fact anyone can see
That the croc is the mouth of the ocean [...]

Feel free to come up with the last line to finish the rhyme, or to relay some of your own dream lyrics

Edit: What's more disappointing than not remembering the last line is that the song was posted to a YT channel whose video titles were in like a nonexistent like Japonic-Polynesian hybrid language with a really strange looking Latin orthography, and I don't remember a single word aside from I think kieeollj for "flamingo"

Idk if this was a peculiarity of being in segregation due to being trans or not, but I doubt it because we had a whole unit of our own, where I was allowed to interact with other trans inmates during that allotted 1 hour.

We also got extremely hit or miss meals, where the “hit” was something like an occasional overcooked mystery meat casserole or baked beans + 4 little meatballs, and “miss” was potato salad and two slices of whole wheat bread.

My friends tried many many times to put money on my books but I just didn’t show up when you typed my SWIS ID into the app. Oh and if they had come anywhere near the rack bail the court set for me, YOU NEED AN ID TO BAIL SOMEONE OUT HA HA HA.

Supposedly one of the most progressive counties in AmeriKKKa.

Oh yeah and it’s against federal law to use Medicaid funds on incarcerated “people.” So I had to re enroll when I got out.

I've been half heartedly teaching myself german on and off for years, but I'm still terrible at it.

Are there any leftist german news sites out there worth reading?

I hate it so much. I hate dealing with it. I hate administrating it. I hate everything about it. I have at least 3 emails personally, each one a fucking disaster just by simply existing.

One I've abandoned, but it remains forwarding to my primary one in the event I find something that still is attached to it (just yesterday, I realized a service I use every day still had this email as the primary). The other one I pay for through Google, but because I decided to do something "fun" with the domain address, I can't rely on it because the TLD is sometimes block-listed by systems for having a "bad reputation".

I don't want to manage any more email addresses. It takes almost no time at all for the inboxes to be overburdened with spam. Some websites operate an allow list for acceptable email domains, basically locking you into a centralized mail system. I've resorted to using something akin to Mozilla Relay to act as an email condom, but even their domain address is blocked by some services.

Important shit is regularly lost in the fucking fire hose of bull shit. I've resorted to attempting to script my way out of inbox hell in Google. I modified a script that takes advantage of the "one click unsubscribe" protocol many sites use, but bad actors or actors who don't care simply do not implement this. Even still, it clutters my inbox with otherwise useless labels.

The fact that email systems were not designed to operate on a handshake type system, where your inbox or your mail server is sent a kind of pairing request from a potential sender, and you can either reject or accept those senders up front, shows how little forethought was actually put into what these systems look like at scale.

The nerds who built these systems to send messages to their nerd friends in other universities over ARPNET never once considered that every day dickheads and large corporations would eventually use these systems to inundate you with dick pill ads and SSN phishing scams. Now, every day, we sift through the wreckage of their short-sightedness.

There are probably services out there that can "aid" in easing the management of the bullshit cannon that is this system, but that's just one more dickhead I have to put between me and a clean inbox where I don't miss some important document or message because it's swimming in a piss pool of deals and scams being sent to me as a result of having this email address for nearly 20 years () .

You literally can just long press the normal hyphen on the iOS keyboard, probably similar in Android

So, you saw an em dash in a sentence and immediately screamed “AI!”? Hold up. That long, dramatic line — yeah, that one — has been around way before ChatGPT slid into your DMs. Writers have been using em dashes for centuries to spice things up, create vibes, and break the rules in the coolest way possible.

Here’s the tea: the em dash is a tool, not a tell. Just because an AI uses it doesn’t mean it’s some secret signature. You know who else uses em dashes? Literally every author who’s ever wanted to sound clever, casual, or just a little chaotic.

So next time you spot an em dash, don’t panic. It’s punctuation, not a personality test.

I met someone on discord last year, and I don’t quite have the words to describe the lead up. One minute we were gaming and the next minute I was in their apartment 1200 miles away, but like I said, the feelings were unreal and I can’t imagine ever finding anything like it again. Ngl a part of me feels like it will forever be pretty empty. Didn’t really scratch the surface of how much it meant to me but yeah, sometimes it’s hard to ever imagine moving on. Sucks

My migraines have become truly unbearable. A few days ago I got a weird tingly feeling in my crotch. It felt like menthol had been rubbed on it. At first I thought i was having some kind of allergic reaction. After hours the feeling spread down my right leg, then the next day into my right arm and finally into the right side of my face. I finally managed to get seen by a doctor who diagnosed it as a hemiplegic migraine, a migraine that affects one side of the body.

This is my second hemiplegic migraine but i didn't recognise what it was as the first one presented differently. The last one, I felt dizzy and like cold water was being poured down my face and lost the movement in my right hand. I thought I was having another stroke that time and went to hospital but it was a hemiplegic migraine.

anyway this time after the diagnosis I took a migraine med that got rid of the problem... temporarily. Today it's back. My crotch is again tingly and mentholly, it feels horrible and annoying and it's spread into the right side of my face again. The right side of my face is not only numb and tingly but now paralysed. and of course I have a horrible headache that won't go away.

On top of all my other issues, I've had enough. I want to go to dignitas for assisted suicide but where will I get the money? The first thing you have to do is join dignitas which costs almost £300 (for the joining fee and annual membership), at least it would be the first step to making it happen. I've heard that they even give discounts for people on low incomes but you have to join first before they'll even discuss it.

Do you think it's worth asking in mutual aid for someone to pay the joining fee for me? Obviously I wouldn't expect anyone to say that's what it was for - they could just say it was an easter gift or something. I am just so desperate for this to be over. I know earlier on I was relieved my foot surgery is over but these migraines just keep getting worse and worse. I'll never have any relief. On top of the thyroid cancer and the issues from the stroke, the fact that I'm now partially sighted etc it's too much to cope with but the migraines are worse than all the other things put together.

I don't know if it would even be against the rules here to ask for donations towards an assisted suicide. What do you think?

Socialist YouTube channel “India & Global Left” is offering 3 months of paid work if you live in one of the South Asian countries listed below.

Post

Dear all, We’ve just received a small grant from one of our generous patrons, earmarked specifically for podcast-related work. With it, we’re considering two options:

• Producing more in-person podcast episodes, or
• Creating a short documentary focused on working-class lives in South Asia — which is our top priority.

We want to begin in South Asia for three reasons:

• It’s where we have the strongest connections and contextual understanding
• It remains one of the most under-documented and underdeveloped regions
• And with limited resources, working locally is more feasible than launching similar efforts in wealthier countries.

That said:

1. If you’re based in India, Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, or Afghanistan, and are interested in joining a 3-month paid assignment to help video-document working-class lives in your area, please email us a proposal + CV at [email protected]. If your idea resonates, we’ll get in touch. Full creative credit will be given.

2. If others would like to support this project financially, your help could allow us to fund two or three such assignments, making the documentary richer and more expansive. Every small or large contribution counts.

Warmly, Ayushman & Jyotishman India & Global Left

I am at risk of being sent to a camp because my brain works a little differently than others. Being on the left isn't going to help.

Our friends and colleagues are being deported and jailed just for having anti-Zionist opinions and daring to express them.

Right wing violence is Surging. Our Trans comrades are in increasing danger. We are all having our rights stripped away...

...and the largest new thread is another fucking anarchist beefing with MLs.

What is it going to take for us to work together and fight a common enemy? Anarchists are not my enemies. I don't care which series of 200 year old books you have or have not read, and you shouldn't care either.

You know who ARE my enemies? Those old white people who go to Republican party meetings and plot to deport my neighbors and throw me into a "wellness" camp because they're too much of cowards to handle anyone different than them.

I'm sick of all this endless infighting! Can we all just, IDK, organize to shut down some local GOP meetings, or create some Socialism 101 agit prop, or do anything productive? Or is this what the left does, just endlessly bicker over books online?

Get outside, touch grass, and accept the person next to you no matter what kind of left they claim to be. We're not big enough for this and I really need you to organize because I like living outside of a DHS cage.

Unfortunately late to another trend yet again. Due to my harsh stances on cabbages I haven't had much success with the ladies. Not a joke thread btw ask anything you want.

I just wanted to say, thank you so much to the people here who made it possible. Without your help it wouldn't be over and done with now. Life has been hard and miserable for a while now but at least this is one problem crossed off the list.

But god-damn it is expensive. Automatic cutters are like $250, a decent printer is like $500 (not including ink refills), then all the paper. I just want to draw shit and stick it on stuff!

Stickers would be a cool outlet for drawing stuff. Give me an end product instead of just doodling aimlessly.

When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
Nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog
That's always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna grow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up
Seems like folks turn into things
That they'd never want
The only thing to live for
Is today...
I'm gonna put a hole in my TV set
I don't wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
And I don't wanna grow up
I don't wanna have to shout it out
I don't want my hair to fall out
I don't wanna be filled with doubt
I don't wanna be a good boy scout
I don't wanna have to learn to count
I don't wanna have the biggest amount
I don't wanna grow up
Well when I see my parents fight
I don't wanna grow up
They all go out and drinking all night. And I don't wanna grow up
I'd rather stay here in my room
Nothin' out there but sad and gloom
I don't wanna live in a big old Tomb
On Grand Street
When I see the 5 o'clock news
I don't wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don't wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don't wanna put no money down
I don't wanna get me a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I don't wanna float a broom
Fall in love and get married then boom
How the hell did I get here so soon
I don't wanna grow up

• Tom Waits

This song came out the year before i hit highschool. Ive listen to TW off and on, he was a little out there for me during my teens but this song has always resonated with me.

Now, i am grown up. Im 46. I have children who are the age i was when this song came out. I have this overwhelming feeling like this is it. I have a home, and loans, and kids, and a medicine chest. Im floating the broom. Feeling like ive lost my way.

How the hell did i get here so soon?

Shit is hitting really hard this morning. Bricks on my chest. Anyway.