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just two stories to hopefully help you. tldr is time and self-improvement/self-care.

first rough break up. they weren't in my life but always in my mind. that sort of thing. even with new relationships.

6 years went by. i grew a lot. marx, chomsky, lenin, bakunin, pannekoek, etc.

randomly at a house party they were at. a group of us were sitting talking everything going on in the world at the time, local election, etc. they kept interrupting the conversation with their friend to talk about shallow boring nonsense.

needless to say i realized they were... not special for me anymore and frankly just fucking lame.

second hard break up i kept them in my life as a friend. big mistake, whatever. honestly they were just using me for company until soemthjing else better came along. whatever. i was at a music festival with them and the festival was fucking wild and fun but they were so pissy the entire time. i was like, "wow this person actually sucks holy shit."

I hope I will get to have a relationship some day

I was hung up on someone for like ten years, but there was eventually a sharp dropoff in hung-up-ness. It was surprising to me that it happened, it felt like it was going to be a life-long thing. Living your life is the best thing you can do.

Happens to a lot of (most?) people, including us late bloomers. It is okay, honestly.

Took me two years to get over my first relationship. When I ended my last, abusive, relationship of ~6 years (on/off), I literally sat down and told myself that I wouldn't be able to love or be loved by anyone again - It's a cliché, I knew that at the time, but I honestly believed it. Every day for like a year, I was plagued with the simple thought "I am broken".

Eventually that feeling just.. faded. I joined a couple local groups, and not much later I met a hecka cool person and we hit it off.

It's a very personal thing and it's honestly okay to grieve a relationship for years, don't feel bad about it. Just don't close yourself off to the world because of it, either. In my case, spending time with people is often very helpful to renormalise and let the social bit of your brain know that all is okay, but it still takes time.

I'm super late to all this since I haven't really started, I do feel I've avoided this since I'm more chill now. I do feel left out a bit around couples but I can just dip without feeling bad no more that I'm letting anyone down. Also I don't have to over worry about friends, they got partners to look after them and even then I'm usually kept at arms length anyway.

I thought my last gf was my everything. I made her the centre of my life. When she broke up with me, I was shattered for maybe two years.

10 years later, she just seems boring. I promise, things move on.