Asklemmy

Ha! We can get marmite and vegemite here in the states. And they're both fucking delicious when used right.

But, you can't get applebutter anything in the wild around here. Might be possible elsewhere, but I haven't run across it.

Not sure what is and isn't a thing elsewhere, but applebutter isa strongly spiced apple product used as a spread. It's sweet rather than savory. It typically features cloves, cinnamon and allspice as the main spices, in varying proportions. It is also fucking amazing.

But you won't find it in restaurants at all.

There is a great southern tradition of applebutter biscuits. Biscuits here, again in case it isn't known, are a fluffy, light, scone-like quickbread. And it's similar to your scenario. Places could offer that as a menu option and bring it to you. They could possibly make a deal for individual packets of it like exist for jelly, and bring that with biscuits. But nobody does.

It's one of those things that if you came over here, you can't find it in restaurants. Even worse, while you can buy commercially made applebutter (there's a few brands out there) they are all inferior to even mid tier homemade applebutter. So you can't even buy the experience the way people can at home. You can't just go out and buy Whitehouse applebutter and get the right texture and taste on your biscuits (or toast, or crumpets).

The commercially made options are all too thin for one thing. They don't spread like applebutter is supposed to. It's supposed to have a thick consistency, closer to something like a jam or preserve. The commercial stuff is also over-homogeneous and too finely textured. Homemade is going to have small chunks of softened apple as opposed to a blended texture.

The spice mix in store bought also tends to be both blander and too , I dunno, even? Homemade, you get layers of the spices. Store bought, you get one layer, there's no depth to it. Part of that is it being made in huge batches, and part is the longer time from jar to your mouth; so I can't say it's anything the makers have cheaped out on or anything. But it is not as good as what you make yourself (or someone's grammy makes).

Also, marmite and applebutter on toast is absurd in how good it is. The savory and salty bang of marmite with a spoonful of sweet, spicy applebutter on top will make you want to slap yo mama. I find marmite and vegemite don't do well on biscuits compared to toast, english muffins, or the like. Too much bread for it to really pop unless you do an entire spoonful, at which point it's too much.

Batmobiles. Lots of companies sell Batmobile toys, no companies sell Batmobiles.

Stuffing and mashed potatoes.

Most places have their stuffing way to moist. I want stuffing, not bread that looks like it was dropped in water. Boxed stuffing shouldn't even be sold. It tastes like garbage.

Get some bread. Tear it up. Let it dry. Add some chicken broth. Add some seasoning. That means go to store and buy the different seasonings. Like garlic powder. Sage, thyme, etc.

Then put it on the oven. The moisture comes from gravy.

Mashed potatoes... Yeah most times people add way to much to the mashed potatoes.

Edit and for the gravy that means you make a chicken or a turkey you get the broth and you make the gravy.

Marmite crumpets shouldn't exist!

What other cosmic horrors are you creating in your kitchen‽

Buckwheat kasha, you won't find it even in a Slavic restaurant. It is a simple dish of cooked buckwheat and milk, with sugar added if one desires. Such a simple breakfast dish is sold nowhere to my knowledge.

Coffee. I used to be a coffee fiend, I drank up to 12-13 cups a day, and only stopped because it was worsening my anxiety. I live in a coffee producing country and learnt how to make a good cup in an espresso machine, even got all the doodads to make the process standardized and get the exact same cup every time.

I can only drink coffee made by select hands now. Everything else tastes like jet fuel, and it's worse when travelling.

A Twinkie weiner sandwich.

1. Cook a hot dog
2. Slice a twinkie halfway through the bottom longwise to get something like a hotdog bun
3. Insert the cooked hotdog into newly created bun
4. Squirt easy cheese along the length of the hot dog
5. Dip in milk
6. Eat

Weird Al invented this in 1989 in his movie UHF and it’s still not available in stores for some reason

This question is very regional, so I could list a ton of things. For instance since I'm not in the UK, crumpets would be on my list (send me some please).

trypophobia image

Vegemite and raspberry jam (“jelly“) on toast. Probably works on crumpets too.

Decent fitting clothes with deep pockets and quality fabrics with the colors i like

The bed!

Salt soup

Maybe most of the food is based in the ideals of what we want it to be, but the reality is the ingredients of your region.

Boiled children's feet

Peanut butter toast

Children.