"Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?"
this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
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That sucks.
I can't tell whether this is supposed to be advice on what to do or not. I can certainly see people getting upset at all of them for putting your feelings and perspective at the forefront however.
“I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”
“I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”
“It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”
"Cool story, bro"
Tell a related story is best choice because it shows that you really feel what that person is coming through since you've came through similar situation yourself
that's what neurodivergent people do to show sympathy - very often unknowingly. folks sometimes think we do that to get the attention for ourselves, but it's just a long winded way of saying "i understand what you feel, you're not alone in your pain"
But then you are making this about yourself. Stealing the show. Reaping all the sympathy.
When is only you and your friend in evening near the grill, then i don't know which sympathy i stole, i mean men truly open up very rarely and often in very small circle or even only to one person, so you have to show some compassion in these moments
"Its not that bad stop being a pussy" Works 30% of the time everytime.
4: "I can help you hide the body if you want."
Lol that's basically a therapist, minus the second option.
You might need to try a different therapist.
"Frankly, you brought this all on yourself" usually resolves it quickly, in my experience.
Ah drawing aggro like a true tank.
Hello, we'd like to offer you a position as police chief in a neighborhood that will statistically have a school shooting soon.
That sucks.
And then what happened?
That must be really hard for you.
Wow. You don’t deserve that.
How do you feel about it now?
Ugh. That sounds awful.
You’re handling this better than I would.
How do you even respond to that?
Tell me about it.
What can I do to help?
You’ve got this, but I’m here.
Edit: I wrote the above to illustrate how many options there are in the parlance of active listening. The formula is simple: imagine how they feel and join their side or, if you can’t yet imagine, ask questions until you can. That’s it.
Awesome list! Much better than a list I would make 🙂
I would just change slightly the “What can I do to help?” (That is a call for a “nothing”) to “How can I help?” (That shows much more enthusiasm in wanting to help)
Hey thanks! I like that phrasing better. Less perfunctory, more sincere.
Look at mister "I leave the basement twice a week" over here
In the land of the ~~blind~~ awkward the ~~one eyed~~ I dunno less awkward I guess man is king
Thanks, man. I needed that.
Legend
This is slowly being replaced by 👍ing or ❤️ing the message. No actual words needed.
❤️
👍
6(`A´)9
I find that the variety of emotes people have available on discord say more than I probably would half-ass with words. At least with memes, if I'm having a conversation I will not be using emotes.
👍
Haha so true!
Haha So True!
👍
Haha so true!
There is a secret fourth option that requires the player to cancel the dialogue and just perform an action:
Give hug
Sadly, nobody does that.
Its the best option.
That sucks.
The Paragon interrupt.
I prefer the renegade 
Or maybe ask what they need from you? Just a thought.
Whatcha want from me?
It works spectacularly well with people you're close to or on very good terms with.
If my other half is kicking off about something, a quick "hey listen, are you wanting help to fix this or are you wanting to vent like fuck to feel a bit better?"
It's rarely the former, though I'd be more than happy to help if it was. At least then I can let her rage out and decompress without throwing in unwanted suggestions.
Probably comes across as a bit blunt to people you don't know well though.
Glad my wife and I aren't the only ones. It's frustrating to explain why proposed solutions won't work while already worked up over stressful bullshit. Sometimes there just aren't real solutions. Sometimes you just need to open a pressure relief valve for a minute so you can have a little reset and be better equipped to tackle the mountain of bullshit.
Yeah, it works both ways at the end of the day.
I know fine well when I need to take some holiday days - I work with a team of fantastic guys and girls in a very bureaucratic environment, so any deviation from the norm in certain projects come with a raft of paperwork (an unnecessary volume in some cases), before the issue can really be put to bed.
Everyone makes fuckups. I've made fuckups and caused by line manager paperwork when I was at the coalface, and I'll continue to make fuckups and learn from them in the future. I know my spuds will drop a bollock every now and then, and that's cool.
There are times when someone has made a royal arse of something and it's stacked another load of paperwork on top of me, and I get a bit angry about it. It's not rational, it's not fair to rag on the poor dude or dudette or dudethey who made an error, and I'll let my partner know that I'm not after solutions - I'm just needing a bit of extra time to calm down and refocus. Solutions to those problems mean overhauling a heavy and entrenched system of work, and it's not something that can be done at home - I could have married Kofi Annan, but unless he's familiar with the system of work, there's fuck all he could actually do.
At that point, it's time to book a week or two off, and think about anything - everything - but work.
e: clarity
"that's crazy"
Gotta find a non-patronizing way to ask if they need help, a hug, or to be heard.
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