A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
Because I'm sick of seeing the same trite "how is this satire" comments every time I post in this community, I've decided to start including the definition for everyone:
Ugh, this seems to be the way I find out about most school shootings these days.
Seeing that there has been a school shooting in the US is a bit like seeing that a new Call of Duty game has been announced.
From the owner of the onion on Bluesky:
The 39th time we've had to post this, and this time about The Onion's original hometown.
2 each month? Sometimes its 7 or 8 in a DAY.
Ah. SCHOOL SHOOTING.
Sorry. Carry on.
CEOs not schools
Shot CEO's not schools.
No see, if you put that in there you are obviously inciting violence.
"CEOs before Schools" I can stand there with a straight face and talk shit about how Libertarian policies are the best thing for the nation and that liberals waste money on dance and music classes for kids who should be learning a trade...
Here I was hoping school shootings had gone out of fashion and CEO shootings were the next hip thing.
Oh hey! It’s my kid’s school!
She’s safe, but holy shit I’ve never been so scared. I feel hollowed out
I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but I'm glad your family is ok.
Every time I hear about these events (so WAY too fucking often) I think about my kids, and I hope that we never have to deal with that situation. I'm in the state, and I have plenty of friends in Madison. This is practically hitting home for me.
It also reminds me of the situation we did deal with, which was an abuser. When my kid was in kindergarten. We're pretty sure nothing happened to our kid, but FUCK. I have never wanted to beat someone to death with my own two hands before, but given the chance I definitely could have seen myself losing control.
What a fucked up country. I was going to say world, but no, it's just here.
I can't imagine getting that call and having to wait to find out. Glad she's good.
Glad your kid is safe. Cannot imagine getting that phone call.
It was rough, luckily when we got to staging we quickly found out that kids in her area were fine per rumor, but it was unofficial so I was still very stressed, but that hope helped. She seems unaware/unaffected currently. Thinks it was a field trip, so she seems to have been pretty well shielded from it
Well shit, what school got shot up today? Haven't looked at the news yet, but odds are depressingly good that there was a school shooting somewhere around the US most days.
News stations local websites usually have tabs at the top of their screens now for news that is a daily thing. Stuff like sports, weather, traffic, school closings for cities that live in snow regions. That sort of thing.
"Public shootings" is now a tab on some local news stations....like this is the new normal.
It was a k-12 private school in Madison, Wisconsin. It's being reported that one teacher and a student are dead (the shooter is believed to be the dead student), and two more students are in critical condition.
There’s also 3k and 4k. There used to be younger aged daycare too, but that part closed down
Headline should be "Student mistakes school classroom for insurance company boardroom."
It's the new hot thing to do if you want attention. School shootings barely get reported on any more, but if you kill a CEO you get a whole month's worth of attention. Even UFO's can't get that murder out of the headlines.