this post was submitted on 07 Jul 2025
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doi: 10.1037//0021-843x.105.3.440

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 15 hours ago

I've always assumed this (and assumed that other people assumed this), because if you talk to homophobes they'll eventually say something like "it's a choice!" because it's a choice for them. It's not a choice for me because gay porn doesn't turn me on -- and if it did I wouldn't care anyway because that's how I was raised. But it DOES turns them on, AND they were raised in an environment where this is THE WORST THING EVER, so it upsets them and they get all irrational and punchy (lesson learned: DO NOT discuss this theory with a homophobe.)

TLDR; IMHO Homophobes who think orientation is a choice are closeted gays because logic.

It would be nice to see a better study. Interesting if one hasn't been done in all this time...

[–] [email protected] 10 points 18 hours ago

Shit, you could go through the political news and find more than 35.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 day ago

1996 sub 100 participants

Data quality is shit, and should be discarded.

That aside, I feel bad for my extremely closested buddy. We went to a rather homophobic highschool, and a mildly homophobic college, and he always tried too hard for ladies for how dedicated he was to his certain type of looks.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 day ago (2 children)

35 people makes it a useless study.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 16 hours ago

it was 64 people.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Funny, but the sample size? Would like to see a larger study (probably would show the same results).

I also wonder if they considered bi individuals in the non-homophobic group.

If these are easily answered by reading the paper, I'll see it now, when I actually read it.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago

Bi - the invisible sexual orientation.

Glad that Lower Decks has a bi protagonist. Its really sad that bisexual people just seem to be completely invisible within the broader culture.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 day ago (2 children)

A sex worker friend told me that he had some homophobic (male) clients who didn't seem to be gay, but frequented male sex workers. This confused me, but he explained that it seems to be part of a convoluted humiliation kink thing, rather than attraction.

For example, I know a subby guy whose domme makes him kiss her feet. She does this because he finds feet gross, and thus ordering him thus is a humiliating and submissive act that he ultimately finds hot. This association has become strong enough that even outside of the specific context of scenes with his domme, he finds the prospect of footplay arousing, whilst simultaneously still being grossed out by feet. He finds the paradoxical vibes of this hilarious, and indeed, reports that it's one of the things he finds fulfilling about kink play.

In the case of homophobic straight men who have gay sex, it's far more psychosexually complex. However, one plausible angle of it is that some men may actually just want to be pegged, but conservative attitudes may mean that being fucked by a woman with a strap-on is perceived as more taboo and transgressive than being fucked by another man.

Another bizarre example my friend relayed to me was an instance of a man who engaged in gay sex as a form of self-harm that was felt to be deserved due to being insufficiently masculine. In this scenario, the homophobic client was topping. The guy apparently seemed to believe in a sort of "conservation of masculinity" in penetrative sex. For example, let's say that any act of penetrative sex (anal or vaginal, it matters not) contains a total of 10 arbitrary units of masculinity. In this guy's ideal of How Sex Should Be, the penetrative partner would contain all 10 units of masculinity, and his partner, with 0 units of masculinity, would be the mostly womanly woman to ever woman. However, this dude was pretty insecure in his masculinity, and he would probably rate himself as having only 6 units of masculinity. This is sufficient for him to feel comfortable being the one who penetrates his partner, but by the principle of conservation of masculinity, this would mean that "balanced" sex would involve a partner with 4 units of masculinity.

I don't intend to kink shame anyone, but frankly I find this bizarre, because it sounds like this guy is genuinely quite disgusted by having sex with another man (and likely not attracted to men either), but feels even more disgusted by the prospect of feeling insufficiently masculine and having sex with a woman. It's like the gay sex is a punishment for not attaining the impossible ideal of hegemonic masculinity. I asked my friend if it wasn't more likely that the dude is just gay and has a heckton of internalised homophobia to work through, but he was pretty sure of his assessment. I'm told that the job involves a surprising amount of "I'm not a therapist, but I'm the closest thing you have to one, so let's talk".

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

I think for that last paragraph it's a thing where sex and processing emotions are equally taboo to a lot of men who are as fucked up as you described. Except sex and even utilizing a sex worker's services fit within a script they have the mental space to comprehend. You sneak off, have sex, pay, shut up about it. Whereas asking a friend if they can help you process some stuff over a beer or going to therapy are public in the sense that they aren't hidden. They're awkward, they involve potential accountability and may demand change. They're hard and seeing a sex worker in such a way is cathartic and exciting in all the ways that telling a friend you're worried you aren't masculine enough isn't.

But also yeah, sexuality does also seem to just be where misc mental issues wind up dumped. I'm certainly not one to judge about any of that shit. I just suspect some people only go to sex to deal with it instead of also working to become mentally healthy. Like you can still be freaky once you are, in fact you often get better at it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

Boy am I glad I'm asexual for all practical purposes. This sounds frankly exhausting.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

This seems kind of obvious to me honestly. Like if you weren't worried that you would 'turn gay', why would you give a single shit about what other men do in their bedrooms? It just goes to show how even in our 'enlightened' age that there is still a terrible stigma associated with being gay among certain groups. Ignorance and fear is part of it but religion plays a big part as well.

I have a friend who 'admitted' to me that he was gay as if he were telling me he was a pedo or a murderer. Of course I told him that I dgaf, but it mattered to him. He's a devout Catholic and has been tortured by his sexuality since before I knew him (30 years). He has even enrolled himself into a coupe of those 'Pray the Gay Away' camps. It's amazing how willing people are to follow a God who would put them through something like that.

I used to work with a religious guy who started this whole "Homosexuality is a choice" bit. I said "You think you could just choose to be gay?" and to his credit he admitted that he could. He's more honest than a lot of closeted homophobes, usually that question makes them backtrack their position, but he's to devout too realize that homosexuality isn't always a boolean and he didn't have a choice in his sexuality anymore than my friend had.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

my theory is that most homosexuals are bi, specifically because then the idea that they could turn gay is logical

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

my theory is that most homosexuals are bi

Guessing you meant "homophobes"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 day ago

I think the more complete question is: Is sexual repression common among conservatives the root of their infantile lashing out against LGBTQ+?

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