Ask Lemmy

I’d work on processing my feelings and sorting them into helpful to express, necessary to express, and unhelpful and unnecessary to express

Do you trust your daughter’s ethics and willingness to prioritize her happiness? If not that should be your concern, otherwise learning to trust her to leave if anything goes as wrong as it likely will is something to focus on.

Regardless of everything, therapy is probably a good call for you. It’s not just for the mentally ill, it’s also a resource to help deal with it when life throws you a curveball.

Adult people are entitled to make their own decisions under the FAFO maxim.

Your opinion on it is just that, an opinion. As far as idiotic shit to do, this is mid tier. You still got your daughter etc. focus on that.

As long as both parties acknowledge what kind of relationship it is, and she gets what she wants out of it, I think I would be able to accept it. Doesn't mean I would like it, though.

It may become complicated if some day she does fall in love and if it's with someone else. She may be faced with hard choices if this happens.

I agree with many people here that it's up to her. It's her life and she's going to live it how she wants. How you feel about it doesn't matter. I think what she's doing is morally objectionable because it turns a relationship that should be about caring and mutual affection and all those flowery concepts and turns it into a financial transaction. He gets companionship and sex and she gets money and not having to work (I assume). But once again, this is her decision.

How do you manage this? You either accept that or you don't. You get to determine if you want to be part of her life or not. Perhaps this is too much for you. Perhaps not. But your only options are to accept the arrangement or not.

My cynical view on this situation is the pros are 1) she's fast-tracking home ownership for a generation that generally expects to not own homes, 2) she's securing financial stability during the traditionally least financially stable era of adult life, 3) working as a paid live-in caregiver pays significantly little comparatively and it is damn hard work, 4) she may have plans on marrying for love later. She's still maturing, so having a starter marriage that's lucrative may not be a totally terrible idea.

Honestly at the end of the day, you want her to be happy, right? If she's walked into this with eyes wide open, considered all the cons and still found the arrangement preferable, is it really the end of the world? What would your feelings be if she had chosen some other non traditional relationship?

If they're cool, they're cool.

Be sure to wring the old fart dry

She's not underage and the husband knows the deal. I would make sure she has a back up (a man is not a plan). Make sure she has a job/career to fall back on, and if she's stay-at-home, see if she gets any kind of money from her husband on a regular basis that she can put into her own savings. Other than that? Hopefully the wedding was bomb.

You'll both have lots of time to get used to the idea. Sorry to hear that your daughter turned into a gold digger marrying out of financial convinence instead of love. Its kind of unsavory and understandable why its causing some cognitive dissonance. But well thats the kind of thing our society incentivises and she's an adult who can make her own choices. Its hard to judge too hard. Hope the husband is alright personality wise and even if this is dark to say, you can take some solice in that statistically speaking its probably not going to last too long and she will probably inherit some assets. If it all burns down it will be a hard but good lesson in not being with people just to extract value out of them.

Good for you kiddo. Not that I have kids, but hey if it gets ya ahead and/or happy, go for it. As long as said kid is a consenting adult. Otherwise it's cop time.

Based on all the replies this seems both are getting what they want out of it, so I don't see an issue. Not every marriage needs to be a love match, but it does seem like there is some of that, so even better.

I do understand your moral reservations as it seems a bit cynical, but in the end it's her life and she and any kids they might have are basically set for life.

Smart kid

how do you manage?

I'm relatively conservative, so probably a blend of bonds and market tracking index funds.