Ask Lemmy

It is generally used to reffer to men who blame women for themselves not being able to get into relationships, not everyone who isn't in a relationship

There are people who can't get laid but who aren't an incel because they don't blame others (especially women) for that.

I think it's important that we define what an incel is first and foremost, because the word has lost a lot of its meaning over the past decade.

Incel is short for 'involuntary celibate', or somebody who hasn't had sexual relations not out of a voluntary vow of abstinence, but rather because mental and/or physical factors have made them into an undesirable partner and have left them feeling shunned by society. This could be things like autism, personality disorders, physical disfigurement or major injury as examples.

Many people in that situation refuse to identify as an incel, because the incel community which several mass shooters like Elliot Rodger came from is deeply misogynistic and talks about women as if they're subhuman. They also idolize mass shooters as heroes. So maybe incel refers to that deeply misogynistic sect of the manosphere.

But more recently, incel has become something of a catch-all insult towards low value misogynistic men. Andrew Tate for example has been branded the 'Incel King' for the views that he preaches, even though 1. unlike an actual incel this guy fucks, and 2. a real incel wouldn't have the charisma to run a MLM scheme, cam girl business and an alleged sex trafficking operation.

Lots of good posts here so far. Something I haven't seen mentioned is incel fascination with what is essentially phrenology. "My jaw is only 34% as prominent as the ideal and therefore I will never know the touch of a woman".

I'm sure there is a load of political world-building around it in little corners of the internet but for most people 'incel' is a just a byword for a creepy and desperate guy. If you're creepy and desperate you are therefore an incel. You're saying you're not like that though, so you must not be an incel. It takes a lot of effort as a young man to maintain an immaculate record of never being horny and lecherous, so you might actually be an incel sometimes too. My advice as an older guy is to just not worry about it. I see a lot of young guys on the internet worrying about never getting a girlfriend and blaming themselves. Just be patient and nice to girls and eventually you will get into a relationship. It is basically that simple.

The problem is, the word "involuntary" in incel puts the blame on those who won't fuck them. It's not their fault they haven't had sex yet, it's those who keep denying them. This gives them a reason not to have to change their behaviors or thoughts, which keeps them undesirable. That's why they're frowned upon.