Ask Lemmy

Let me follow up, that that lack of direction is also a great opportunity for you too. If they afford it, take your time and weigh different ideas, different technology stacks or different designs, try to get the costs together (development and maintenance), and make a presentation to them. But most importantly learn as much as you can in the process every time

Oof... Yeah it is hard to deescalate with a person who is primally furious with you. It was probably really scary for them, and it sounds like they might not have been emotionally intelligent enough to handle it. I'm glad you and everyone are ok.

I'm also in software and, yes, depending on what kind of business you're in people often have no idea what they want. Do you like reading? One thing that helped me in those situations is Don Norman's book, the design of everyday things. It helps me get into a big picture mindset.

You can't help anyone else if you can't take care of yourself first. That's a really hard position to be in, but you have to do it for your benefit and eventually for his too.

In fact, if I found out my lady wanted me out but didn't flip the switch, I would be pretty upset about the time we lost living in that state. That time could have been spent rediscovering myself or finding my next partner. What a missed opportunity!

I don't know anything about it. Can you tell me about what you would want to do there and why?

See if your bank does "bill pay" where you can add bills and they mail a check for you. It's usually free.

If you're in a hurry and can't wait for a checkbook you might be able to get a money order. Banks and even some grocery stores will do this for a fee (it was like 0.50 last time I did this... Like 16 years ago omg what happened)

Most banks allow you to pay bills online and they'll send a check on your behalf to your landlord. You can set it up to go automatically every month too.

I know nothing about psoriatic arthritis but I do know a little about joint inflammation. I read about how an imbalance of omega fatty acids can cause inflammation and after taking a fish oil pill most of the pain went away in my knees. Would that be something you could try?

I hope it calms down, I cannot even imagine what that must be like. Do you have access to people with experience with this? Support groups, or even one mentor?

What I've found that helps me with this is follow through on the worry. For example, maybe I'm worried my boyfriend will leave me, and to follow through on that I think "then what happens?" Well, I would be depressed for awhile, and then eventually get over it. I'll go through the stages of grief for the death of the relationship but I will survive and move on. This Follow Through thought pattern works best on situations you have actual control over in your day to day life.

Another thought is "you can't control everything but you can control how you react to things".

I am not hopeful about our future. But something I came to terms with is that I am going to die. It might be in 40 years or it might be sooner, it could be next year. But it will happen. Also, it's possible that I don't just die but life becomes incredibly unpleasant. All the same to me in this current point in time, where I am able and I have means to do interesting things.

I know this is hand-wavy but I heard someone say something along the lines "we need to stop worrying about putting more years in our life, but work on putting more life in our years."

This sort of mantra helps keep me grounded when I'm deciding what to do with myself and my family on a day to day basis.

I mostly use distractions as a way clearing my head.

The best thing to distract myself when I was really depressed was Geoguessr, it takes focus and is fun.

If you need a free alternative, look at Geotastic.

It's hard but you are doing it. Don't forget to find away to enjoy yourself, is there a friend you haven't talked to in a long time?

Yuck! Did you you get it taken care of?

You might not need to empty out your car to get it fixed.

I've fixed some cars that are between "hoarder" and "they probably live in here". It's not the most pleasant thing, but it's possible.

This sounds to me like an ADHD cycle of failing to know how to prioritize. Focus on your immediate needs and take this step by step. First, find something to eat. Pasta with ketchup if you have to. Now figure out how to do a round of shopping. Just one. Not how to do them the best way forever, just once poorly to get some easy to eat foods in your house. Step by step.

When everything is precious nothing is precious, and that intermingled list of demands is pretty cluttery. No offense!

"Reliance" is a risk to mitigate, but mitigating risks shouldn't come at the expense of taking on more risk.

All the things you want to do are worthy and valuable but like you said, you just cannot do them at the same time, and I doubt they are quite as cyclically dependant as you think they are.

(For example, if you're in a pinch for transportation and you're willing to bike but cannot get one yet, you could try a bike share or scooter for a few dollars for a few hours... I have done this to get me home from dropping the car at the mechanic).

Try to organize those things into a clear roadmap, where things that cause more things to become easier are done first. Where you have cyclical dependencies, think outside the list to solve that problem.