Inspired by ohio valley style pizza
this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2024
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Back in the day, lunchables were the cool kid food. That and kid cuisine. Now, lunchables seem like what dumpster juices would taste like.
Alright, them there's fighting words!
As a kid though. Lunchables was the shit
And full of lead.
The crazy part to me is that it's specifically the Lunchables made for schools.
Really makes me feel like Sisco or Bon Appetit (industrial prison complex companies) are the ones producing the food, just like they do for prisons.
The lunchables seems like a dystopian food stuff created by a team of psychopaths.
What if we made all of the food crappy, added extra preservatives and maybe a little bit of lead?
The Romans added led to their drinks it must have been delicious or something! ~Kraft food scientists probably
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if the meeting went like this:
"So, we sell these products by their weight, why don't we add something heavy in there just to boost profits?"
No joke last night I went for a late night snack. I pulled out some hard salami, aged Swiss, and some nice crackers. I realized this bastard charcuterie was just a luxury Lunchables.
I disagree. Your hasty charcuterie was just that. And I bet it was delicious.
Lunchables, on the other hand, are the cheap charcuterie knockoff devised by people who lost their tastebuds decades ago to excessive chainsmoking and the kind of world-weary ennui specific to only the most misanthropic millionaires. Their lack of any sense of smell is only eclipsed by their tenuous grasp on what's left of their zeal for life; a kind of self-hating spiral that not even the most debauchery-packed weekend in Vegas could ever hope to recover. No, these cretins are not people, they are the mere shadows, the faintest of pencil outlines of human beings. Lunchables are the best effort of these people attempting to emulate what they vaguely recall a meal actually is.
Cold pizza can be amazing!
Came here to say, now that OP made me think about it, it seems a lot of thought and hard work had to go into fucking-up cold pizza.
Pizza it's amazing, cold pizza is still a pizza, that makes it amazing, but is still an inferior kind of amazing that hot pizza.
Morning cold pizza that you can just eat straight out of the fridge is ambrosia. It's like a third of your problems for the day have been solved.
It helps with the hangover too!
My brother is 33 and still loves that crap
More like "what if this cost $0.05 to produce and I sold it for $3.50"?
tbh cold pizza is fire
Breakfast of champions
I feel so attacked. I just got done eating one, and it wasn't even name brand. To be fair I'm having to live out of a motel with only a microwave and limited money
Been there a few times. Car, too. If you can afford it, they sell hot plates/plug in coolers at Walmart. But my suggestion is a deep fryer. Not the square one, the round one. If you take the basket out, it's essentially just a large pot. You can do anything in it you'd do in a skillet, but can also boil water or make soup. They're invaluable in those situations. Depending on the size of the hotel mini fridge, you can normally get a thing of chicken leg quarters in it. That and some veggies and you can make a million different meals. Hit me up if you want any advice, I've seriously been down that road, and it's not easy, but there are some tips and tricks that make a lot more bearable.
Thank you, this is good stuff. The fridge is pretty fucking small, and they seem to have a strict absolutely no cooking in the room rule. They have outdoor grills, but then I have to get charcoal and learn how with out ruining the food. Can't spare any. I'm so sick of moving or I'd try to find a slightly better motel
Most places have that same rule. I just ignore it and do my best to never cook anything too fragrant. Cookint in the bathroom with the fan on helps, too. I've also cooked in my car, but that requires a pretty beefy inverter and uses gasoline. Might be able to get away with running a drop cord but that's a case by case.
Man, you really make shit work. I really do appreciate all of this advice. I'll have to put some more thought into it, but the real hope is to find a new place, so I don't wanna invest too much. Also, the bathroom fan is broken. This place is pretty cheap lol
Had to. Lol. I've lived in my car and I'm hotels a few times. To be honest, car is easier if you're alone. Cheaper, too, most days.
I really hope you find something decent
Got my partner, a 65lb dog, and 2 cats, so the car is a no go. I'm not entirely with out help, but the more I can make it stretch the better
Hand can opener and canned beans/peas. Already cooked, come in their own serving container. Just need a utensil and a can opener.
I am by no means above eating out of a can. Soup has gotten me by pretty well. Frozen dinners seem to make me hungrier. Thanks for the tip!
Wishing you the best buddy
Thank you, I appreciate that
Also living that nice limited money life? Sometimes i feel like McGyver coming up with alternative ways of doing some things.
We're doing our best lol. If anyone has any tips for cheap microwaveable food I'm all ears
If you've got potatoes you just need a masher, some salt, some oil/butter, some water/milk, and a bowl. Gotta eyeball the consistency to figure out how much you need of the liquid, the rest is for taste. Cheap as hell but it'll get you fat. Peeling is optional.
When we were broke, eggs were always a good standby. We didn't use a microwave, but I have had microwaved eggs and they're decent enough. https://www.foodnetwork.com/how-to/packages/food-network-essentials/how-to-cook-an-egg-in-the-microwave
You can have mug cake for dessert: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/241038/microwave-chocolate-mug-cake/
Microwave potatoes, veggies and ham with a little butter. If you add warm milk afterwards, it's a soup.
Tortillas with cheese and whatever other topping. They get kind of weird crispy, but it's better than a lunchable.
I remember when these things first came out and I was super excited to try them and also the disappointment when I finally got to try them and they were just god awful.
But they're certainly not the worst lunchables. The nachos and chicken nuggets are even worse. The nachos you'd think would be fine. Just corn chips and cheese sauce. But the chips are stale and weird tasting and the cheese sauce is also not what you expect from nacho cheese. It's almost like they are trying to make kids hate junk food by making their junk food taste horrible.
The best ones are still the OGs that just have lunch meat, cheese and crackers. Not quite a fancy charcuterie board, but they also only cost about a dollar or two.
Eh, my kids love them all. But we're mean parents and hand-pack them healthy lunches for school, so they only get them occasionally as treats. My kids just started school, and today they got freshly cut fruit, rice, and some marinated beef (cooked this morning).
But they'll inevitably complain when they get home today that their friends got lunchables or the ghetto school lunch or whatever.
You feed your children lead and sodium as a treat??
The lead contamination were only (or at least predominantly) from Lunchables made specifically for schools, not ones that you buy from the grocery store. These are also the ones that have the increased sodium levels (on average by 300mg iirc).
Yup, and if you drink tap water, you also consume lead. The important thing is how much lead is there, and it's fine provided you don't eat them regularly.
We give them lunchables like 2-3x/year, I really don't think it's a problem. There's probably more lead in the water they drink at the school than the lunchables we give them (we soften and filter ours at home).
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