this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2025
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how can i help my depressed bf? (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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i (m, gay) have been with my bf (m, bi) for about three months. we are in a long-distance relationship, and we've been friends for a year or two now, maybe like october 2023. lately, he's been really depressed. when he's not depressed, he's just tired and overall low energy. he never really has a lot of energy to talk to me or anything like that, and even if he wants to, he doesn't feel like it from his depression.

he has had a bad childhood and has trauma and i feel really bad for him. i get really sad/depressed when he's depressed and he says i do help, but only a little because he's so empty. he also doesn't know what he wants, so i'm there to support him. he doesn't know whether or not he wants to talk to me sometimes either, so sometimes we take mental health breaks and come back once we're happier.

i don't really know what to do, it's also not like he lost feelings for me.

he comes from a fairly poor family with an abusive family member.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 14 hours ago

I also have these bouts of depression. They come and go. What works for me is keeping busy. Just doing anything helps me. Just move. Laying in bed is the worst thing to do when that happens. This is my advice to him.

My advice to you is the following: Be there for him. That is all you can do. If you were physically close to each-other, I would suggest to just snuggle/cuddle. Human contact helps. But you are in a long-distance relationship, so that is a no go. Send him voice messages instead of chat? Let him know you like him. Let him know he is important to you. Let him know you are there for him.

Regardless, thank you for caring about him. Compassion, empathy and kindness are the best qualities anyone can have.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Depression gang here. I'm in therapy. Does it help? I don't know, but I'm also a full-time student, which at least distracts. I'm dating a guy who has my level of depression but lacks my sex drive and middle-class background, and I've had meaningful long-distance relationships as well, so I understand what you're experiencing. The trouble is that depression has many causes, and if it's chronic then you can get triggered by something and your whole day is ruined at the very least, and sometimes these spells last for months. There is no easy cure, but if he'll listen you can give him basic advice on finding help.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 days ago (1 children)

thank you so much!!! i feel so bad for him

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 days ago

yeah, one of the biggest things might be to offer help finding therapy. calling a buch of people who tell you, that they do not have time to fit you in, can cause troubles, and avoidance, at least in my case. of course he will ultimatly have to make appointments and decide, but there is a lot of administrative stuff that makes it hard for people with depression to get help.