You should just tell them you are not good at flirting and be more direct. It has worked very well for me. You can also work on getting a bit better by just doing so under the context that you are bad and it can be something funny between you and your match/potential partner.
this post was submitted on 20 Jun 2024
28 points (91.2% liked)
Relationship Advice
2510 readers
2 users here now
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
-
1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
-
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
-
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
-
Adulting: [email protected]
-
No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
-
Mental Health [email protected]
founded 1 year ago
learning to casually flirt is hard! And you can’t learn it without trying and failing a few times… It was scary for me too. I agree with others that spending more time accepting and loving yourself would be beneficial. Another thing that would be beneficial to accept is chance of rejection. It’s not personal and also not a big deal if the person that expressed interest then moves on. I’ve made a mistake a few times really inflating my expectations and fueling my interest and then reacting very poorly to rejection, so that’s another thing I’ve tried to improve.
If you work on these barriers and take shots, you’ll get some practice and improve, and over time you’ll definitely have at least a few successful interactions which will be immensely helpful.
Flirting is a compliment. Don't be ashamed of complimenting people, we could all use a little more of it
Absolutely but you're leaving out a key concept here, which is pay attention to the reception. If they receive it badly that's not a hard 'no fuck off' (well... unless it literally is), but if it continues to be received badly or even just neutrally, it's important to recognize this.
OP is worried about how men are judged by default (and understandably so, from both sides of this kind of situation), and they are clearly a little 'too worried' but really it's more like being worried about the wrong part.
People that have trouble with this kind of thing need to shift their perceptive from 'how will they take it' to 'how did they take it' and make an audible from that point instead of trying to predict the entire sequence. It's not about the gender or anything else other than how they as a human being receive your attention which requires rational analysis in real time (which is likely where those with low self-esteem can run into trouble) and not falling back on your default perceptions to help cope with the results
OP, Listen TO This MAN!
LEARN TO READ BODY LANGUAGE
Working on your self-esteem first or alongside your dating efforts will be the most useful thing you can do. This is both in terms of your own personal well-being and in how attractive you will be as a potential partner.
It's a lot easier when it's not against the rules basically everywhere.
What?
Flirting is a cooperative effort. You can have great game and still fail if she isn't interested. You might also meet a girl that gives you a positive reaction, but you might miss it if you aren't looking at her that way. It takes two to make flirting work.
If you want to get to know girls; tell a few jokes or funny stories. If you think a girl might actually like you, tell her a dumb joke. If she laughs, she probably likes you. If she doesn't laugh, she's not interested yet. Keep trying and you will learn what works and what doesn't.
There are lots of women in this world so try talk to as many women as you can. Be persistent without being aggressive and you will do just fine. There is someone out there for everyone.
Where people get into trouble is when they assume that because the other person is being nice to them, it means they're interested in something more. I know women who say they can hardly smile at a guy without being asked out on a date. But of course sometimes that are interested, and it can be hard to know without asking, which can be awkward for both.
If you think she might potentially be interested, you might consider inviting her to something casual, like getting a meal or seeing a movie. That in itself won't tell you she's interested, but if she's not interested in something casual, she likely isn't interested in more than what you have.
Suggesting something like lunch, coffee, or ice cream is a nice, casual place to start. Dinner, movies, or "a drink" can seem like bigger asks--more officially date-like, more expensive, etc. More casual activities can be a good way to start to get to know someone and whether you and they might be interested in each other.
Why would anyone hate you? Why would you be feel like you will be disgusting?
FWIW you don't have to flirt to become romantic with a partner. You can just be straightforward and say how you feel. "I like you. You're really pretty, and you make me happy when we talk." Some people won't like that level of honesty and transparency, but it sounds like you wouldn't want a partner who wants flirting.
Don't be gross or vulgar. Don't treat anyone like a sexual object, and take rejection well. It can be crushing to work up the nerve to tell someone how you feel, only to be turned away, but that's part and parcel with consensual relationships. There are many fish in the sea, and if you hyper-focus on just one, you're setting yourself up for failure.
Once you're involved in a relationship, you can try out a little more flirting. Wink or make suggestive comments. Quick kisses on the neck or a pinch might be acceptable depending on the context. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and don't do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Part of a relationship is discovering the boundaries of another individual. You're going to cross a few lines, and it is important to react with understanding and respect. If your partner reacts negatively, apologize and adjust your behavior. This can be tough, because the boundaries may change with context (e.g. flirting at a bar on a date vs flirting at a family function) or over time (young relationships are more exciting) but as long as you demonstrate that you care about your partner, you can take some calculated risks.
You and me both, brother. But, I did somehow end up getting married twice and having a bunch of kids, so, there's hope for everyone!
Yeah, one of the thousand pound sisters got married and had a kid.
I don’t get it and googling their username didn’t help
Why would you google their username and if you did why would you publicly admit to it?
I don’t understand the thousand pound sister thing.
Usually stuff like that is a username pun
I did somehow end up getting married twice and having a bunch of kids, so, there’s hope for everyone
one of the thousand pound sisters got married and had a kid.
I get that part.
I don’t get why you called them a thousand pound sister
I didn't call them that, it was agreeing with their point that anyone (the thousand pound sisters) can get married and have a kid.
Oh! I googled the wrong one. I get you now.
What does your wife suggest?
Flirtation is a lot easier and more comfortable when you know the person already likes you. And it can seem creepy to them if they don't already like you. So it might be good to not flirt until you're confident it will be well received and in the meantime just be friendly and sincere. An important aspect of potential relationships is not appearing as if you think someone's only value is if they're a potential partner. People talk to and know other people, so treating everyone well can improve chances of potential partners thinking well of you. Sometimes the best thing you can do to find a partner is to work on yourself.
I don't know if I can take any more people hating me...
You had me until this part