I'm conflicted. I have a parent who's dying. I feel the void of the parenting I was supposed to receive. They never fulfilled any of the obligations I consider appropriate. I'm a parent, now. They did none of the things I'm doing for my kids.

On some level, I know the expectation is that I should feel sad. There's literally no realistic expectation that they'll turn a new leaf in their 70's and suddenly become a decent human being. Maybe there's a 1 in a million chance, but when they die, that's definitively 0. I want them to turn a new leaf, but I know it's unrealistic. I get jealous (and keep it to myself) when my friends and family have their parents in their lives.

On the other hand, they are literally the worst person in my life. I've never had anyone treat me as badly and fail me so hard as they have. I haven't spoken to them in years. They literally don't understand why, because they're a narcissist. Very "missing, missing reasons" kind of person.

So I'm conflicted. I have tons of evidence that they suck, but there's still a part of me that craves a parent actually being there. Part of me thinks I should feel bad when anyone suffers and passes away, but another part of me is borderline relieved.

I typically don't care about things like hairstyle, makeup or clothes. But my wife has started giving herself a buzz cut and I simply hate it. I told her and she grew it out for a while, but she said longer hair was making her depressed and it needed to be a buzz cut. She said it just looks like her when she sees it. Part of me thinks that's gender euphoria and she's just around the corner from realising that she's trans. I would not be comfortable continuing the relationship in that case. (She has said she feels a-gender but not male).

I've tried to tolerate it, but I dislike looking at her now and it's contributing to me being depressed now. I don't want these feelings every time I look at my wife.

We've generally had a good relationship over about one and a half decades, with two young children. We're also codependent and own a house together.

It would make things difficult if we separate. I really don't want to separate just because of a haircut, but I've definitely been thinking about it. I just don't know what to do.

So I'm not sure if I can or should continue my relationship with my fiance or try to fix things. We've been together for two years now. When we first started dating they said that they were working on finishing their masters degree but they have not done so. They also said they'd be going back to work after they finished their degree. They have just been running through their savings and staying at home. They do most of the chores but the house is often a bit of a mess. Now they're saying that they want to wait until after kids to go back to work. My family also thinks it is a bad idea to marry them.

My husband is clearly depressed. He is also a proud man, and some degree of old-fashioned. I am 4 years younger than him, and am far more open to the idea of therapy and medication.

For context, he has dealt with his dad (whom he was close with) committing suicide when he was a teenager, a long-term girlfriend (whom he really wanted to marry) cheating on him with multiple men (including a good friend at the time) for years, and his best friend of 10 years (my brother) dying in a rafting accident that we were both part of. I've been struggling personally myself, but I have a few different things I'm trying, including therapy. He is unwilling to try therapy or medication, but isn't getting better, cause holy shit, that's a lot of unprocessed shit to deal with.

It's manifesting in really nasty ways, and hurting both of us. I don't think he means the things he says; I think he's hurting a lot and doesn't know what to do.

For what it's worth, I really have not been great to him or myself. I've been dealing with my own emotional baggage, but I'm not going to get into that. I'm working on it, and feel like after many years of work, have come through a breakthrough where I understand that I do in fact want this person in my life.

How can I help guide him to anything that will help him? Doesn't need to be therapy, medication, or a psychiatrist. Those do seem like the obvious answers, but I'm open to virtually any suggestions.

This man is amazing and a wonderful person, but he's really struggling and doesn't seem to want help, but at the same time, seems like he needs/wants help. Any thoughts?

Edit: I'm really touched by all of the thoughtful responses I've received. I don't like to talk about my marital issues with people in my life, and I know my husband wouldn't want others to know what he's struggling with. This is a great community.

I'm slowly working my way through each response. Seriously - thank you all.

Hi, I am (22M) in a long term relationship with (22F) that has been going on for 3 years as of now.

Around the start of the relationship (2-3 months in) I went to a party without her and got drunk. I did all kinds of things that would be considered "dealbreakers". (Kissing multiple people, laying down with another girl during down time) We did not discuss things like that prior to the party. But after it, I felt extremely guilty, because I myself wouldn't have approved of such things. So I told her almost all of it (and it was very painfull for us). Except the fact that I proposed in a separate room to engage in sexual stuff with a couple. They refused but I still did propose. (This feels very very wrong for me)

Now, after this, we rebuilt our relationship and until now it's been going very very great. We are following the same studies and are pulling each others up. Celebrating successes together. Going on exchange trips together. Etc etc.. She loves me from all her heart (her words) and I do too.

Except lately there's been a little too much down time for the things filling my brain. As a result, that memory came back and now, I have a choice. Either I tell her, relationship takes a huge hit on trust and I cause her harm. Either I bite the bullet and live with this guilt but that may come back even strongly (she might notice it since it's affecting me physically)

If you are suggesting the first option, how would you approach it? She seems to be living the dream with me right now so I want to make the landing soft enough for her.

I am beginning the process of divorce. There was no history of anything bad, just general lack of compatibility. We've been together 13 years, and at least the past 3-4 we've been shells of who we were.

Though we both care deeply, we both know we want to be loved differently.

Right now I'm still going between the depression/despair and some irrational nostalgic notion that maybe things could be the way I thought they were (in my mind I know that these are rose tinted memories)

How do former couples get along usually? I'm a child of divorce, where my Mom moved two states away and I went with her. My parents were cordial, I think.

My ex thinks that we should remain friends, but I think that will make the grieving process harder for me. I wonder if this desire to remain friends is a way for her to not fully have to let go. But if you want the milk, you buy the cow.

Should I be wary, or should I be grateful here? How do I protect myself from catching feelings some days and dragging my healing for to long

My best bet has been to meet people at workshops:

• Class of 30 new people each time
• Assertive, inquisitive people (my kind of person) spontaneously filter themselves out because they're the ones asking questions
• Opportunity to approach them at break times, can work in small groups
• Laid back

School canteen. You are forced to spend an amount of time sitting next to a bunch of random strangers, some will be friendship groups. You can tell if they are cool just by listening in on their conversation, and it removes any barrier that approaching them would usually be as you are already sitting next to them. Best come when the canteen is full because then there won't be any empty tables that you'd need an excuse for not sitting at.

I think when you frequent these two activities you are almost guaranteed to bump into your kind of person eventually. Can anyone think of any other good scenarios?

I assume you have read my previous posts, I don't wanna retell everything.

We went to my psychologist. First he went alone with her to talk, and after half an hour he got out and I came in.

I told my psychologist everything about why I needed to break up with him. She understood and helped me through it.

Then she let him in to talk, and I gave a long speech about the reasons why I had no choice but to end the relationship.

I thanked him for all the good moments, all the love he gave me, for being so sweet, and that I didn't regret any of it. I told him that I still loved him and wanted nothing but all the best to him, and I don't want him to die because of me. It was way longer than that but I'm just not in the mood for writing a lot.

He was visibly broken, almost crying, in silent the entire time. When I finally finished, the psychologist asked him to talk and he just said "no words" She told me that I was done for today and I left.

We are not 100% done yet, I need to take my things out of his house, and his family still wants to be in contact with me and I'm more than glad.

Is just... I wanted this, I had the chance to try to talk and fix everything, yet I ended it because I knew I needed to, he has hurt me for a long while after all, I don't wanna be trapped with him, yet I feel so bad right now. I hope I did the right choice. I hope I don't regret it. I'm sad and heartbroken. I Know he is even more heartbroken. But it needed to end. Yet I'm still sad about it. So sad. How long will I still be this sad?

This feeling has stopped me for a while. I already made a post here a few days ago about my feelings about breaking up. I haven't done it yet because I'm waiting will we have at least a session with my psychologist.

The biggest feeling that keeps me doubting is that I may be ending things right before things get better.

I am more than welcomed to live at his house, he knows I'm trans and accepts me, he will be fixing his car, and he will get a new job, so he will be contributing to the finances instead of relying on my money as he has done since the start of our relationship, but I feel like even so I can't continue the relationship.

He had been physically abusive to me, he has confessed to me that yes, he is controlling and codependent, right now he is being sweet and his libido seems to have "come back" right after I told him I would break up with him, but he also told me that he would die without me, so now I'm feeling trap. I don't like it, I don't like feeling trap in a relationship just so he don't get depressed and die. Yes, he can give me some stability, but I still have my home with my mom and I might find that stability elsewhere. I feel like I don't need him anymore to be happy on my own. My feelings are changing, and also I for a long time thought wouldn't be able to find someone else, but a friend has confessed that likes me romantically. I won't cheat on him, they know that and comprehends my situation, but it made me realize I'm not unlovable. I'm also feeling sexy again on my own, in fact, I feel sexier than ever rn.

But I come back to the feelings of "What if I wait a bit and things get better?" while also reminding to myself that I already know what my boyfriend can do when he gets angry at me, just for doing things that I love to do. Even on this "love bombing" phase, he is still so controlling, I changed my phone's lock pin so he couldn't look at it and started interrogating me about it at 4 AM.

Has anyone had a similar feeling?

This is gonna be a bit long. I'm 25, I'm a trans girl, my boyfriend is 25, he is a gay cis man.

We have been together for 2 years and 3 months. At first our relationship was amazing, nothing to complain, so very loving and sexy and cute. The issue at the moment was his mom, a narcissistic mentally and verbally abuses woman who seems to have hates him since birth. After one year he moved out to a house that belonged to his uncle and another uncle was living there.

Moving was cool, finally we were away from that woman, but his uncle was an alcoholic who drank daily and would get violent and loud when drinking. After a few months, we started avoiding that man while being in the house.

In September of last year his mom died. That woman had serious health issues and was the typo of person that always had a cigar in her mouth, she refused to go to the hospital for an infection and died during an operation.

We waited until another uncle of his came to our city in December, and he moved back to his mom's house. We thought things would be perfect for now, but now I had issues with him.

Since we were still at the other house where his drunk uncle lived, he started to give me "affection" in hurtful ways, started with tickles, that at first were ok, but later the tickles became a form of punishment, and he has thick fingers and tried to "tickle" me so hard that it really hurts. One day I went to a concert, a local band's tribute to me favorite band. I told him I would go and asked if he would go, but he said didn't want to go, so I went alone. The concert was so amazing, but when I came to his place the next day, he was so mad, that pinned me to the bed, he immobilized me with his weight, and started "tickling" me so hard, that I was kicking and crying. Then he started doing something similar for things like promising I would be with him at 3 PM but arrived at 6 PM, or not having money for buying dinner for both of us.

Then the biting started, it also started as something cute, but then he started biting me harder and harder, and then started to do it as another way of punishment.

And he is so possessive, and very jealous. On top of everything, he didn't want to have sex with me in so many months I lost track of when was the last time we did something.

This week I traveled from my city to the capital city of my country, some people doesn't like the city, but I do, and ended up staying a few days more than planned, and his uncle was so kind to let me stay in his apartment and help me move around, and in the end he went back to my city with him in his car.

My stay in the capital was amazing, except for how my BF reacted. He got so emotional, so mad, and we almost had a break-up but I had to salvage it because breaking up over text is ugly. I asked him to go to my psychologist together and he refused in a very angry way.

I came back yesterday and went to his house to talk to him. I told him I was seriously thinking about breaking up and listed the reasons why. He started crying, got very emotional, and finally agreed to go to psychology.

But he also said that I'm the only person he was, that he is codependent on me, and without me he would die, literally.

We talked for hours, and got over a few things, but now I kinda feel trap because I still love him and don't want him to be depressed and die, but I'm not sure I can stay here, I feel like I need a way out. I can't exist to constantly comfort him when I feel like everything is different now and we have different life goals.

I need some advice please.

We've been in counseling for about a year, and both of us have been getting better in our respective ways. Issue I'm having now is I'm emotionally tapped out and don't have the same interest or desire for them as I did. I love them very much, but I'm becoming quite indifferent and have been enjoying my time away from them more than with them. Our first years were awesome, but the last two have just been stressful and tiring; it's been hard to just move past that.

Any advice from those who have been through rough patches and it turned out better?

Been with this guy for 3 years now, I have been making plans in my head for when we are able to move in together, while unfortunately we were in a long distance relationship we still had a lot in common and were able to enjoy our time online together playing videogames and watching movies with the occasional visit once every 4 months or so for a week.

Such a pretty relationship, I feel, like I'm enjoying his company throughout my days of studying and university. But anyways, he feels like he doesn't want to try to make our relationship workout anymore, so basically breaking up with me. I told him before I let him finish, that I'm gonna be a bit stubborn and still go ahead with my visit in 10 days to go talk to him in person to actually do this. He sighed, and said that he owes me that atleast. This is the 3rd time he's trying to break up with me, and last time he promised that he'd wait for me and that he won't break up with me again and that I'd be the one to do so. Just my trust in him is shattered after this.

I am just not sure which way to take this, try to continue with the visit and maybe still stay together or just decide not to go and cut him off from being friends. I'm not sure, part of me wants to still go and do agree we need to break up and just leave the relationship without a sour taste in the mouth, and maybe in the future be friends again.

My uncle lives about 3 blocks away from where I live, so very close. We never really see each other.

My mom and him are always argueing and to be fair my mother is right. He is an *sshole but he personally never done anything to me.

My brother on the other side has more contact to him and said that he belongs to family and should come or else I will start a "fight".

I don't know I don't really care about him because I don't interact with him so the only reason why I wouldn't invite him is because of how he is treating my mom. My mom avoids contact as much as possible and they are two different people. I couldn't care less if he was at my wedding or not so if it wouldn't be for my mother I would invite him to avoid drama but duo to how the situation is I am honestly thinking about not inviting him so my mom can enjoy the day too and doesn't have to "hide".

She ran out off my nephews second birthday last year once my uncle came in because he is so toxic she can't even stay in a room with him.

My brother said it isn't my problem but tbh it I think it is my problem. I love my mom and want her to enjoy my wedding without her being forced to have contact with someone she HATES.

I think I answered my own question by now but am I the as*shole and what consequences does this have? I am planning on visiting my uncle and telling him he isn't invited because of how the situation is between my mom and him and that my and my wifes wedding isn't the day for family drama and I don't want to risk it - even if they promise to behave. I just don't want it on that day.

With that being said I also can't invite my grandpa to which I do not have contact with since years because of how toxic he was to my mother. He wasn't as toxic as my uncle to my mother was so my mom said it would be okay to invite him BUT he requires 1:1 assistance meaning my oncle would have to drive him and take care of him - he would also be there because of my grandpa. So I just don't invite both.

Edit: accidently posted it in relationship advice my bad :-(

I'm part of the modteam for a book club. We have biweekly pub in-person meets, but we're primarily online. One of our members has a body-positive fitness social media presence. She shared this exchange with the modteam as a kind of "hey, this is a thing that happened."

We're currently discussing how to handle unwanted advances with the lady mods taking lead. Lots of planning talk that when applied to this instance may have blowback. Our discord club rules disallow being disrespectful (be respectful), but it isn't explicitly stated this extends to private conversations and in-person interactions.

There is an easy interpretation of the exchange can be summarized as, "Male user offers a makes a bad joke/compliment, is rejected, apologizes, and tries to reconcile." The prevailing interpretation is he is being a creep. I think the in-person interactions between the two is she stopped by a club meeting to say hi to us, and he was in attendance. He is a new member.

Is the exchange problematic, boys will be boys, or red flag, or yellow flag, or no flag? Is this a just have a talk with him, or tell him to take a hiatus for a couple weeks, or tell him to not come back? What's your read?

Male User, Day 1: Just want you to know I followed you and I can't help but it I am looking disrespectfully. You are ridiculously attractive.

Female User, Day 2: I don't think that's the compliment that you think it is.

Male User, Day 2: It was a meme I was attempting to reference and it clearly was not a good attempt. I'm sorry.

Male User, Day 3: I know I embarrassed myself yesterday but could I make it up by buying you a drink sometime? At book club or elsewhere?

Hey all, not often I do this, but figured it might be a good idea to make myself vulnerable with something I dislike about myself to maybe get some helpful input as to how to approach this weird dilemma I'm having.

So I [M24], have been struggling with my weight for a few years now. Mainly it's been an issue that's been tied to my mental health, and for the last year I've been doing intensive work on improving my mental health, which includes dealing with the root cause of my weight issues.

For a long time I've been in the mindset of wanting to wait until after I shed the pounds before getting into the dating scene. Reason being is that I personally prefer a certain body type, and it just feels hypocritical and gross to have that expectation going into a relationship when I'm not meeting the expectations for the body type I want for myself.

On the other hand, I had a coworker [F22] at my old job admit that she at one point had feelings for me, so since then it has me thinking if I'm stressing too much about my weight as important as I feel it is for me to address it.

I've also had friends tell me that I need to have more self-confidence in regards to my body, but I'm split on trusting their words because I'm fully aware I'm not at a healthy weight currently and don't want to deny that.

I'm having trouble determining what to do from here, because I really want to go out and meet new people and perhaps mingle since I've been craving a romantic relationship for ages now and know that things are likely going to take more time for me than most others because of my sexual identity.

However on the other hand, I still worry about the aforementioned possibility of coming off as hypocritical, having my weight be a deciding factor at first glance for people when this isn't who I want to be, and having my weight literally get in the way of other things (I worry about it maybe making hugs and/or cuddles awkward for a potential partner.

What would be the best plan of action for me to take?

I'm (m29) reeling from a string of breakups that has left me feeling hollow inside. Whenever I have any moment of spark, it's immediately put out by "I'm just going to break their heart or they will break mine". The last 3 years I had 5 relationships that lasted at least 3 months, and the last one (oddly enough just 6 weeks) was the one where I felt I finally cracked the code.

I'm a horrible people pleaser (who doesn't please people), so being honest in communication was a struggle. I'd be in relationships that I knew were sour in the first week, but I could never find the words or work up the courage to say anything until it erupted into a mess. The last one I had, she told me I deserve to be heard and that I don't have to be left guessing on the state of the relationship. I cried when she said that. I finally felt like the last Russian doll was opened and I wasn't hiding anything. Then it fell apart. I still don't know why, or maybe I do, but I held on to some hope that we could reconnect this year until last night when I texted her to see where she was at and she told me she wasn't interested in being friends.

I'm glad she gave me that answer to hopefully help me move on, but I just can't seem to. That relationship ended in November, and it's the end of February, but I just still numb to the prospect of seeing someone else. It's not the good kind of numb either, it's a broken heart numbness. I want to stop thinking about her.

I almost had a one night stand with a friend, but then panicked as a flashback of a S.A. episode hit me out of nowhere, but my friend took that as me not caring about her and now she won't talk to me.

My other friend who I have a business connection with came over last night to hang out, but it was clear she also wanted to be intimate. I didn't want to be cold, but I don't want to hurt her either by starting something that will end in pain. I mixed business and pleasure once before and I will never do that again, and I'm not interested in being intimate with this one either.

I downloaded the apps to try and maybe get the ball moving, but each person I just think about what their face would be if (and I can't help but thing "when") we broke up.

It's been 10 years of heartbreak it feels like. I don't know if I can love. I don't know if I ever really did, I just know that I've felt heartbroken most of the time one way or another.

Anyway if anyone has tips on how to feel again, I'd appreciate that.

Whenever I see someone I'm interested in I always make sure I go and talk to them. That's as far as I've ever gotten.

The way I see this working is as follows:

1. somebody catches my eye
2. I go over and talk to them
3. we get along well, stuff develops in pretty much the same way as if I had just met a new platonic friend
4. ???
5. We start holding hands. I've watched enough films to see that it pretty much escalates by itself from there.

The problem is that whenever I've done this, they were either cool but didn't show much of an interest in me, or their personality didn't resonate too deeply with mine which was a shame because I still thought they were gorgeous.

Now I'm not looking for somebody to spend the rest of my life with. Because that will take a lot of meeting people. But I am in the mood to experiment with intimate relationships, and now. Part of me wonders whether it's even worth it if they don't share my sense of humour. But another part of me thinks the steps above might be constraining me to only one type of relationship, those of the lifelong sort, which is why it's taking so long.

As you can see at step 4 there is clearly a gap between talking with them and holding hands that I don't know how to cross, which I'd currently do by explicitly asking can we hold hands. I wonder if the thing I'm missing is also the thing that would progress things to the physical without the person being your soulmate. When you go to parties you see drunk people breaking the touch barrier together without talking. What's the cue for that to happen? Should touch ever be the thing that advances a relationship with someone? How does that work? How do you make sure it's mutual? Or is the way to go really to wait until I meet someone I get along with so well that something clicks?

Help! My live-in partner of 3 years has too many clothes and it's overrunning our house. We live in a two bedroom condo with only two closets in the entire unit, and there's just not enough space.

At last count (2 years ago) there was over 300 articles of clothing - shirts, pants, jackets. There is constantly piles of clothes everywhere, clean and dirty, and nowhere to put them. They wear multiple outfits each day and throw them on the floor in the evening.

2 years ago I bought a few Ikea clothing containers to slide under the bed, and those are packed full of folded shirts that are never worn. And they just keep buying more.

I've spoken with them about this multiple times and they say that they'll get rid of some of the clothes, but never did.

On the flip side, I have four pairs of pants, a few shorts, around a dozen shirts and a suit.

What can I do?

First of all, I am an expat who has been living abroad for 9 years now.

Two years ago I meet a wonderful woman who is also form my home country, she has been living here a lot less time than I have (about a year by the time we meet).

About a month into our relationship she told me that it was with kids or nothing. I asked her for a few weeks to think about it and after deciding that she was the one, I dedicded to continue our relationship and started planning on common goals.

Months went by and it was truyly an amazing time, we really love each other. Part of our life plans involved us moving together in 2024. Before that happened, she decided to travel back to our home country to spend christymas and new year's with her family and get some paperwork done.

While she was there, she called me one day and told me that she wanted us to move back to our home country and continue our live together there, however I do not want that, at all.

Here I have a high paying job, I own a house ideal to raise kids. Education and quality of life is one of the best in Europe. And I really really do not want to go back to a shithole country.

She insists on her plan and gave me an ultimatum, I kinda already made up my mind, but I really do not know how to even start the conversation.

How can I approach this?

First of all, I realize this is probably more of a shortcoming on my part, but nevertheless, I am who I am.

My wife has gotten really into "romance reality" TV in the past year. In recent months, it has reached a fever pitch where she is just walking around with a show playing out loud on her phone almost all the time. Doing chores? Watching love is blind. In between a match while we're gaming together? Blasting love island. I generally keep earbuds in so I don't have to listen to it, and because Im sure she doesn't want to hear my shows just like I don't want to hear hers.

I make an honest effort to avoid the inane types of people who go on these shows in the real world, so to come home to what used to be a sanctuary and have to jam earbuds in and move all the way across the house to not be subjected to the dumbassery those people exude is exausting and has me at the absolute end of my rope. Its gotten to a point where I might actually go run errands at random times just to get some peace. I know she sees it as an "unwind" which I don't understand but I can at least accept. I've made my position on these types of shows unabashedly clear on many occasions, perhaps being harder on them than I should be.

If she had kept watching her usual dramas it wouldn't even be an issue for me, it's just the endless barrage of utter idiocy and manufactured drama out of these people's mouths that I can't stand.

How can I go about bringing up that this is a problem for me without sounding like a "stop having fun" type or seeming condescending about her TV choices?

We were in the same class and I thought she was pretty and started chatting with her and trying to ... I don't know, you know, get to know someone well enough to start a relationship with them. However you do that -- I still do not know.

I was also going through a period of severe depression and a period of severe vodka-in-the-morning alcoholism to compensate. I was not at my best. I remember every time I talked to her, and she seemed pleasant enough and friendly enough the whole time. At some point she mentioned she had a boyfriend, ok, cool; so what is the move here? completely stop talking to her? continue talking in a normal way? I attempted the latter, a few weeks later I got an official letter from the school saying she was concerned about "unwanted in-person contact and indirect contact with [me], which she deems to be harassing in nature" and I needed to sign a thing to never talk to her again.

I have a few unresolved points I can't get over:

• How am I supposed to continue existing knowing this occurred? I was labelled god-knows-what, I mentally carry it around like a scarlet letter. Is this the intended effect?

• How am I supposed to enter a healthy relationship at this point? Do I still deserve love? Are you sure?

• I am sober now, I am going to therapy, and so on, i am no longer a threat to society, etc etc

• How can someone do something so austere, not even send a simple polite text or even a mean text before going straight to the authorities like an rat?

• How can I not continually hate myself forever?

I (M32) and D (F28) have known eachother for about 3 years now and have been dating for the majority of that time in a casual sort of matter. She was someone's fiance prior to us starting a relationship so they've had things between the two that they still share between the two like a pet dog.

I've been aware of this and have for the most part let her do her thing, I have no idea what that situation is like and didn't want to be in the way of it assuming it'd become less of a thing over time. I told her that I did not want to be caught in the middle of anything.

Being passive about it for so long has proven to an issue for me, contact between them hasn't really decreased, nor has our casual dating developed into anything more than that, despite me wanting something more.

Towards Christmas, D wasn't driving her own car, driving the other persons car. I got a handful of non-answers about why, or why their own family didn't help him if he needed a car to drive. His car was not broken, they just...switched cars for multiple days.

I had eventually had a conversation about these things D after explaining that he still visits her apartment to talk from time to time. I expressed that this sort of arrangement with him seems to be more than just splitting things still. She mostly conceded and agreed it might be too much.

Which brings me to most recently... I was assisting D with a computer problem over a remote session. Troubleshooting a problem and doing it from her PC so she could see what I'm looking at. We ended up clicking on a reddit link. She made a semi-paniced comment about how she was still signed in. My curiosity got the better of me, and I looked at her username afterwards.

On her username I saw a post from a month ago (about the time I talked to her about them splitting things after these years) which referred to him as her husband.

I know for a fact they aren't married, so I'm concerned on why she would type out her post this way, and has damaged my trust.

I know I'm likely in the wrong for looking in the first place, I did that to myself, but I can't help but feel a bit justified in doing so because of what I found.

I've not mentioned this to her at this moment. She has since deleted the original post.

Aita? Any advice?

I'm really stuck. I've been unhappy for years and we've done couple's therapy and tried to reconnect, but it's just not enough.

I have a bad habit of feeling guilty and responsible for everything and I just can't see a future where I hurt my partner so badly. I don't know how to sever myself from the relationship and alllllll of the stuff and responsibilities. My partner slacked off when it came to college internships so they've been unemployed for years, and now finally found a fast food job. But that means that if I leave, they're done for. They can't pay the mortgage alone, nevertheless the bills or food. They also mentioned in our therapy that their greatest fear is divorce and I don't know if that's because they're still so attached to me or if it's the fear of having to make it on their own.

How do I uproot their entire life over my unhappiness? That just doesn't seem like something I could possibly do... but I can't stay here, I'm withering away.

Help?

Hi!

I'm dating an amazing guy. He's very sweet and caring. He's kind of a quiet guy.

We started dating after a friend of his brought me a note he wanted to give me (but then threw away because he was indecisive) that said how much he loved me.

I took it and invited him over to my place. At first he was afraid to touch me and I took the initiative. Lately, he has become more active in this respect and is no longer afraid to just come up and hug me.

Everything would be very good, but I can't understand one thing. Why does he always shake when we hug? I've asked him about it, but he keeps silent or blushes or says "I'm sorry". I'm very worried about him and his health. Take him to doctor?

We've been together for 3 months. 2nd year of university. Same age.

Edit: Last night she attempted suicide. I was in the living room while she was showering. She got out of the shower, went to the bedroom, and about 10 minutes later I heard her call my name. She was holding a large handful of her medicine in one hand, and the bottle in the other. She told me she almost took it, but decided to get help instead. Suffice to say, both of us are dealing with a lot right now. She asked me not to tell anyone, but I am trying to persuade her to get mental healthcare.

So yesterday morning, while my girlfriend and I were sleeping in our new apartment, we heard some rustling at the door. This was around 8 AM or so. I heard him call out "maintenance" very faintly from the other side of the door.

I was partially awake and called out to the guy after glancing my gf's way in a "is this guy for real?" look.

Guy apologized and left the apartment after he heard me. At the time, she said she was "glad I was there".

I spoke to him later and he apologized profusely and said he wasn't aware someone had moved in already. I figured that would be the end of it. No harm, no foul.

Last night, my girlfriend informed me that I didn't handle that correctly. She said her dad would've been up and ready to fight the guy, and that by glancing her way I must've been asking her to protect me.

Despite us discussing a proposal now that we're 2 years in, she let me know she doesn't think I should "this year, but that she may change her mind".

I'm honestly baffled. Was I supposed to shoot the maintenance man or something?

It has me reconsidering the relationship. One perceived mistake--that I honestly think I handled fine--and she's putting our plans on ice.

She's been mean leading up to this. She blames her cycle (and apologizes each time), but it's a pretty extreme mood shift for a few days each month. So part of me wonders if these 2 things are related, and she'll regret saying that to me. Another part wonders if I should forgive her in the first place.

What do y'all think? How big of a mess am I in?